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    Open Casting Vote part 1


    Councillor Phil Bent was in a jam. He was in a right hole. He had been given a wedgie on many occasions as Chairman of the Planning Sub-Committee but this was a first. Buried up to his waist in an old Air-Shaft in Mountain Hare meant he couldn't move a muscle. Below him a 30 foot drop and above him only sky. His search for the 500 metre buffet zone at East Merthyr Land Reclamation scheme had proved fruitless. He checked the Council Minutes.yes there supposed to be a buffet zone. There was no such thing as a free lunch he moaned as he hung suspended in the air by his...

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    Philip evans

    Chariots on Fire


    ‘The North wind did blow and Merthyr had snow and what did poor Farrah do next?” sang Dean ‘Belle’ End as he sat on the vandal proof metal bench alongside the Merthyr Railway Station. The sound caused Farrah to turn around sharply, exposing his nether regions to the bleak March air. His coat, made entirely of Bar towels ,acquired from the many pubs he had visited on his personal tour of the Rugby Six Nation Countries and beyond, offered little protection from the elements. His roman sandals acquired from a trip to Rome in 2009 , were further evidence of his total disregard for...

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    Philip evans

    Hot Dog


    “ Hot Dog Sir?” asked the pimply faced burger vendor. Council official Job Swurth didn’t look happy...but then again he never did. “ What the Hell are you doing?” he moaned at the bemused van owner, Rann Cydd. “ Selling burgers from a lay-by...everyone does it in Wales!” he laughed merrily. “ But this is the Galon Uchaf acceleration lane to get on the A465 (T) Heads of the Valleys Road!” barked Job shaking his head. “ That’s what’s clever about my pitch....everyone has to stop!” said Rann. “ It’s all about location...location...location!” he said boastfully. “...

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    Philip evans

    Repossessed Short Story


    The cars engine spluttered and coughed for the last time as he parked his ‘Popemobile’ outside the house of one of his parishioners in Crabapple Close Gurnos Merthyr Tydfil. He hoped that the first time this call was genuine. He really wanted to do battle with the Devil face to face . He looked up at the bedroom window and could see a luminous eerie glow inside. His bumper sticker ‘Honk if you love the Lord’ was the only sign that he was a Man of God ….that and the small silver image of a fish attached to the back. Silverfishes were common in that part of the world. This was the only...

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    Philip evans

    The Royal We


    The father and son made their way through the underground car park of the Civic Centre in Merthyr Tydfil. They were in luck. They didn’t have to walk through the crowds of people that were stood in the forecourt outside the main entrance. Pressing the lift call button repeatedly, little Thomas was happy. At the age of seven , everything was a game….no money worries…it was like being on his own Civil List . His father , Richard tried to fake a smile, he knew he was at the Civic Centre for more serious business. He was there to see the Council Social Services...

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    Philip evans

    Snow Business


    .. “ The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful...let it snow, let it snow let it snow!...Nos Da!” declared camp weatherman, Derek Brockway live to the nation from the BBC studios in Cardiff. “ Since when have you been interested in the weather Charlie?” asked Tommy ‘Hilfiger’ Silverback to the leader member of the Lavender Road Mob. “ Duh!....since I learned that the boss man Mr Bigg gets coded messages over the BBC about his delivery times for his drug shipments!” laughed Charlie Kong. “ Mr Bigg...who’s dat den?” asked Alan ‘Tit-che’ Guevara. “...

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    "The North wind did blow and Merthyr had snow and what did poor Farrah do next?” sang Dean ‘Belle’ End as he sat on the vandal proof metal bench alongside the Merthyr Railway Station. The sound caused Farrah to turn around sharply, exposing his nether regions to the bleak March air. His coat, made entirely of Bar towels ,acquired from the many pubs he had visited on his personal tour of the Rugby Six Nation Countries and beyond, offered little protection from the elements. His roman sandals acquired from a trip to Rome in 2009 , were further evidence of his total disregard for Valleys...

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    “Good night and good luck!” said the Curator Derek Dunny as he locked the huge wooden front door of the Cyfarthfa Castle Museum. The only Grade 1 Listed Structure in the whole of the Merthyr Tydfil Borough was imposing looking at the best of times, but on a dark wet Winter’s evening it was downright scary. Safer Merthyr employee Dicky Knight looked around nervously. It was his first night as a security guard and he didn’t feel very safe. “Everything looks so much more scary in the dark!” he said to his shadow, who was his only companion for the night. Merthyr Council too had...

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    The sound of a helicopter buzzed overhead as the terrified Welshman cowered in his impromptu sand dune bunker.The soldier dressed in green khaki combat gear stood out like a pork pie in a Jewish buffet against the yellow sanded backdrop of Helmond region in Afghanistan. The war on terror wasn't working as far as Harry R. S. Crack was concerned. The sound of explosions all around him sent him deeper down the steep sides of the bunker as he began to suck his thumb for comfort. He suddenly realised that he was not alone, as a ginger haired soldier dressed in a German Africa Korps...

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    Read more 'Boz' tales here “ What’s their pool team like then boyz?” questioned Fast Eddie Felson dressed in his white hat and black and white brogues as he sat in the back of the minibus. “ Not bad- they have a few Welsh players but nothing we can’t handle on and off the table!” said Bobby Mogzy cricking his knuckles. The boys in the team minibus, had set out from the Iron Horse Public house in Galon Uchaf Road ,Merthyr Tydfil at 6.00pm to arrive for 8.00pm. They knew if they arrived late, they would be docked a frame every twenty minutes. It was a...

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    Philip evans

    Amber Gambler


    Read more 'Boz' tales here Her long hair flowed all down her back, as should stood next to a fruit machine in Victoria Street, Merthyr Tydfil. Her doctor had advised her to change her diet and change her habits if she wanted to live past 40. As the reels on the machine, whirred electronically and stopped with a red cherry icon, two bananas and an orange. She had lost her money again, even if she had nearly had her medically recommended five fruits a day. It was Wednesday and teenager Amber Punt was skint. She had had her state ‘benefit’ and wasted...

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    Philip evans

    What the Heckler


    He was nervous at the best of times but tonight he was positively bricking it. The lights went down on a hushed audience at the Aberdare Coliseum and the adrenaline rush of the young fledgling comedian intensified. He waited for the nod from the stage manager before he went out into the Cynon Valley Snake Pit. He wasn’t being paid he was just volunteering…a YTS trainee comedian …as there were precious few jobs in the Valleys he thought he would give it a go…and his tour of the South Wales clubs was starting to take off. After all if Rhod Gilbert could make it on television...

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    Philip evans

    Merthyr Hex-Periment


    “It is the year of our Lord 1644 and we are gathered at this Hamlet of Gyrnos, to witness a trial to determine the guilt or innocence of Margaret, the straw roofer’s daughter, who is accused of being in league with the Devil!” declared the Puritan dramatically. The man was dressed all in black from his stovepipe hat down to his cape and trousers, with only a square white frilled ‘ruff’ , adorning the area around his collarbone. He held a silver-tipped cane in one hand and use it somewhat belligerently to command respect from the assembled crowd. “ This wretch is accused of...

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    Philip evans

    Dipping Your Wick


    Dipping Your Wick by Phil 'Boz' Evans The student rugby player looked around nervously. He was regretting his bet with his mates already. Manfred Quinn had never told anyone but he was frightened of the dark. It was one of the more common phobias that humans suffered from and dated back to the dawn of mankind and the dulling of man’s principal defence of the sense of sight making them more susceptible to attack from a predator. Standing on a plinth in Madame Tussaud’s wax museum in Baker Street, London, he felt like a fish out of water, but knew that his beloved...

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    Philip evans

    Big Hunt


    The man lay silently in the savannah grass of the Ngorongord valley in Tanzania. He didn't dare breathe or move for startling the Thompson's gazelle that he had tethered to a small Acacia tree. From his clothing, you would never have guessed that he was Welsh- only his WRU rubber wrist band on his right 'trigger' hand gave it away. The Blackwood Dentist, Major Orion Jekyll- Hyde-Hunt, was the veteran predator of the Serengeti, as he approached his 75th Birthday intent on giving himself an early birthday present. He wasn't using the little antelope for target practice- he was after much...

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    Philip evans

    Cloggau Gold (Born to Run)


    Newly expectant Father Declan Anthony Pod paced nervously in the corridor of the Maternity Wing of Llanelli Hospital. The Year was 1972 and like every Rugby Union Fan in Wales, he secretly wanted a son to follow in his on-field footsteps and play rugby first for the Scarlets and then for Wales. The timing of his Wife’s labour couldn’t be any worse, as on this very day, Llanelli were playing host to the International Touring Team New Zealand. The Grand Stand ticket in his shirt pocket was burning a hole in his heart, as he was caught in the horns of a dilemma. Did he sneak off to the...

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    Back to Welsh Literature page > Ewe Tube “C’mon Mun….it will be an internet sensation!” said 16- year old Brecon Farmer Kane Boddy. His older brother Abel wasn’t so sure. He preferred to trust his own judgement rather than his brothers. The pair sat astride their skidoos on the peak of Pen Y Fan, the highest mountain in the Brecon Beacons National Park. Kane had his mobile phone out ready to film the stunt- if only he could persuade his brother to do it. “It’s only 886 metres Mun…straight down from the ‘Col’ to Cribyn…it will be Hell of a ride!” said Kane...

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    He replied that he was protecting her from mosquitos in the absence of a net. Gertie slept with one eye open for the rest of the night. As did Myles, although it was on his Cialis enhanced knob which eventually tickled him under the chin to wake up to a glorious Venetian Morning. They both dressed for breakfast and went down to the Breakfast Room in an uneasy silence. The room was quite full with most of the seats and tables taken. There was a full Sky TV film crew and several well- known actors buzzing back and fore for the continental breakfast. Myles recognised the one off the...

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    “ Can I take the blindfold off now?” protested his long suffering wife. “ Yes ..okay!” said Myles Soginist to his spouse Gertie. Blinking in the strong Italian sunlight, the 75 year old lady didn’t have a ‘scooby’ where she was. Her husband, not normally the romantic type, had booked a surprise ‘Golden Anniversary’ to celebrate their 50 years together married. “ What do you think then?” he said triumphantly as she faced the sign Veneto Aeropourto. “ Bit noisy isn’t it!” she complained but not for the first time ever. “ What did you expect…it’s a bloody airport for Christ’s sakes!” he...

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    Philip evans

    Stuck up short story


    "I dont care what the ultrasound picture shows there is definitely more than one up there!" said the newly qualified Doctor. Jamie Roberts lowered his Davy Helmet so that the light didn't blind the expectant father , his Royal Highness the future Prince of Wales. "Look I dont tell you how to fly that RAF Valley helicopter now do I ?" reasoned the former Cardiff medic. From inside the womb the twin babies continued their foetal conversation. "Look I am not going out first into the land of the giants. Have you seen the size on that Doctors head?" said the male heir. "Why should I go...

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    Philip evans

    Say Portcawl is the Best


    “ Blue Hawaii Sir?” The voice was that of the bar-man at the Grand Pavilion in Porthcawl Holiday Village. “ Aloha?...” said the undercover policeman Wolf Blass tapping his head which had become tit-shaped from years of wearing that helmet. “Am I wearing a grass skirt…a lei garland.. do I look like a Hawaiian?” he said grumpily. “ Hawaii 5-0…you’re plods…spotted you a mile off!” said Rocker Billy leaning on his beer pumps nonchalantly. “ How come?” asked Wolf Blass dejectedly. “ This is Elvis weekend…every September we hold a convention of tribute acts all connected with Elvis...

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    Philip evans

    Night mare


    “ This mist is a real pea-souper!” declared reveller Meirion Glyndwr to one of his accomplices. “ I know ....it seems to have become stronger since that last farmhouse !” he replied holding onto the dead horse’s tail. “ We are we?” asked Meirion his hands out in front of him like a methodone zombie, as he stumbled about the Welsh mountainside, holding the Mari Lwyd like it was some kind of compass. “ Let the grey mare guide you bachgen!” said his companion Rebecca Iot. “ Twm Shaun Catty.....announced the man (dressed as a woman) drunkenly...I do believe we are lost....hic !” The trio...

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    Philip evans

    Euthanasia short story


      As she woke from her first nap of the day , the carer wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth, with a BUPA emblazed napkin. As her 100 year old eyes adjusted to her surroundings, Miss Dee Mentia , realized that she was still in her reality show nightmare- the oldest living dinosaur on the Tara Ward of Gran-Yr-Afon Nursing Home in Merthyr Tydfil. Her eyes met those of her close friend for the past decade, Miss Bette Whetter, who too was slumped in a chair staring at the bland magnolia walls of her BUPA prison. " It's a good job we didn't smoke , drink or partied...

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    In all his fifty years of farming on the Gurnos, Farmer Oates had never seen a sight quite like it. One minute he was rounding up his straying sheep and the next he'd found a stray that just didn't belong. Clinging for dear life to the rock face of the Morlais Castle was the fat, balding, Gerry Mander. Despite the Autumn mist there could be no mistaking his local representative, the Portcullis emblazoned on his vest clashing with polka dotted pink jockey shorts. Gerry never had any taste! he thought as he gazed up, some hundred feet above his head. "Well goodness me, Gerry. What are you...

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    Oh great! sighed the office clerk. You again! she continued. I t—t--hought this was a Job Centre PlusI thought you w-w-WERE the Plus! said Colin Nimmo as he said down in front of the woman. The pair were the oddest couple since Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau.. only much uglier. He looked more like a younger version of Arthur Mullard and she like a moose with a migraine. I thought I found you a job a little over a week ago! she sniggered . You know what you were doing putting me in the telephone c-c-call centre! said Colin accusingly. It was Talk-Talk! she said without looking up ....

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    As he sat at his desk at Swan Street Police station, Constable Peter 'Wolf' Blass's attention was drawn to a light which was moving about mysteriously from the first floor of the disused Swan public house. " What do you make of that shaft of light?" asked the Policeman to his loyal partner in crime, Isaac Haynes. " That pub has been shut for three years now...I think we better investigate!" Like all good cop buddies they never went anywhere unless they were together. Their combined 60 years service with the South Wales Constabulary, meant that they were on 'light duties' after a...

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