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Welsh Alternative Psych Rock band 'Holy Coves' today release their brand new music video for single 'Grey' via their ever growing new YouTube channel. 'Grey' is the third in a series of five music videos created by award winning Ukrainian Filmmaker 'Taras Merenkov'. Merenkov's hazy cinematic style of direction really emphasizes the music and makes a formidable visual. 'Grey' is taken From the bands acclaimed new album 'Druids and Bards' which is out now via Welsh label 'Yr Wyddfa Records'.

Championed by Gary Crowley on BBC Radio London and playlisted on Amazing Radio's A List, Steve Lamacq on BBC 6 Music, with BBC Radio Wales support from Huw Stephens and Adam Walton, North Wales Psych-Rock Band Holy Coves had quite a year in 2022. Their acclaimed new album 'Druids and Bards' was very well received and is available now via North Wales record label 'Yr Wyddfa Records'.

Through long time friend and Producer David Wrench, 'Holy Coves' were put in touch with Texan Producer Erik Wofford (The Black Angels / Explosions In The Sky) and have built quite a magical working relationship, one where Wofford found himself on Mixing and Mastering duties for the 'Druids And Bards' album and it has certainly contributed to their new sound and ethos.

Daffy Dip 4 Dewi

 
Photos: 7

( Scroll down for Welsh )

Remember those days when celebrating Saint David’s Day (SDD) used to be about wearing daffodils, eating Welsh cakes and Bara Brith with every school having their ‘Eisteddfod’ with a very visible presence of cute kids in traditional Welsh costumes?

Times have moved on since then and nowadays there are countless parades with three County Banners and numerous school banners being paraded based on the words and images of an anthem specifically written for Saint David’s Day (Words: Gwenno Dafydd, Music: Heulwen Thomas) which can be heard in concerts and events throughout Wales and even further afield.

As you may remember, Gwenno has been the Americymru World Saint David’s Day Ambassador since 2017 and many of the above developments have come about because of her tireless efforts over the last eighteen years when she first came up with the idea of a bilingual anthem for Saint David’s Day.

“The SDD Anthem has formed a central hub for the development of new traditions based on the song, including the three County Banners (Pembrokeshire, Carmarthenshire and Montgomeryshire) and school banners. All the publicity I have been able to generate with all these projects have also helped to promote the notion of parades – school, village, town and county. I am delighted to say that this year the Montgomeryshire Banner has found a new permanent home in Owain Glyndwr’s Parliament House in Machynlleth. I am in discussion with the local school (Ysgol Bro Hyddgen) about creating a new tradition of parading the Banner from the school to the Parliament Building whilst the children sing the SDD Anthem.” said Gwenno.

Gwenno is always thinking of new and exciting ways to engage with more people to make SDD a potential gateway for people from all over the world to come and explore their Welsh roots. The tourist season in Wales is usually from April onwards but Gwenno sees no reason why people cannot be drawn here from March onwards with Saint David’s Day events being one of the reasons why people should come and visit. She is in close contact with several Welsh Assembly Senedd members in sharing these visions.

Her latest idea is a combination of factors and she is very keen to give credit where it is due, to those who gave suggestions that she combined into her latest project DaffyDips4Dewi . DaffyDipping

Around 2009 Gwenno was in contact with Pastor Phil Wyman from Salem in the States. You may or may not be aware of the fact that Saint David was called ‘Dewi Ddyfriwr’ (David the Waterman) He did not consume meat and only drank water. A veritable tee-totalling vegetarian. Phil decided that to celebrate SDD he wanted to walk waist deep into the chilly waters at Revere Beach, Massachusetts which he did, calling it a ‘Dunk for David’.

Gwenno always wanted to do something similar here in Wales but never managed to persuade others to do this. However, recently Jane Dalling, who is a member of the Pembrokeshire Bluetits Chill Swimmers, after a suggestion by local playwright Teresa Hennessy, decided she was going to celebrate her mother’s life on her birthday on the 17th January 2023 in Pwllgwaelod (North Pembrokeshire). Teresa gathered a flock of Bluetits who all wore large daffodil heads and went for a dip in memory of Jane’s mother Eira, who sadly died of cancer last year. Strangely enough, ‘eira' in Welsh is snow and it did indeed snow whilst they were taking part in the swim. Both Gwenno and Teresa form part of the Lower Town. Fishguard #SlipwaySirens swimming group and have been friends since they were in Fishguard Secondary School.

Gwenno is originally from North Pembrokeshire and had been a chill swimmer herself for several years, being a member of the Cardiff “Taffy Dippers”, the North Pembrokeshire “Bluetits” and the Lower Town, Fishguard ‘Slipway Sirens’ (who sing whilst they swim!)

Having been inspired by both Phil and Jane she decided to approach Sian Richardson, who created the Bluetits in 2015 and who lives in Pencarnan, just above Whitesands Bay in Saint David’s – very close to where Saint David went to school and also a beach where Gwenno has been regularly swimming all year round for the last twenty years and more. She asked her whether the Bluetits would be interested in coming on-board with the DaffyDips4Dewi idea and Sian said -“It means the world to me that The Bluetits are going to be part of the DaffyDips4Dewi event. We began with two people dipping on a Pembrokeshire beach and we became 100,000 people dipping on beaches, in rivers and lakes all over the world. I hope to see pictures of thousands of daffodil hats bobbing in the water on Sunday the 26th.

February this year, the closest Sunday to Saint David’s Day in celebration of Saint David – our very own local saintly ‘waterman’.

Next week we will tell you more about the incredible ‘Bluetits Chill Swimmers’ and how Sian Richardson very quickly transformed winters in West Wales. Until then - check out https://thebluetits.co/

The idea has already generated a lot of excitement with wild-swimmers such as Rhondda based ex-Plaid Cymru Leader Leanne Wood and Cath Pendleton (The Merthyr Mermaid) who swam a mile in the Antarctic.

So if you want to take part in this marginally eccentric, but great fun idea on how to celebrate Wales’s Patron Saint then get yourself a beautiful big daffodil hat, stick your swimmers in a bag, fill that thermos, find yourself some cold water and make sure you take a photo after your dip and share on your social media using the hashtag DaffyDips4Dewi . DaffyDipping If you are a Pembrokeshire Person and you fancy a DaffyDip4Dewi then come to the Whitesands Bay beach on Sunday the 26th February at 11.00 sharp. Gwenno will sing the Saint David’s Day Anthem before charging into the sea with her fellow DaffyDippers

DaffyDips4Dewi can be done anywhere throughout the world and Wales in lakes, beaches and ponds. Get a gang of DaffyDippers together and take a photograph to share with the world. Remember to use the hashtag after your location e.g. Jackson Bay DaffyDippers

Make sure you get a daffy hat – available here:

https://www.jokeshop.co.uk/det/4630/Daffodil-Hat-(Hooded)/

Disclaimer : Doing a DaffyDip4Dewi is at your own risk. Please make sure that you are fit and well enough to do this. YOU are responsible for your own well being.

For additional information on how Gwenno Dafydd has developed new traditions for Saint David’s Day have a look here and be inspired.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL5kFg0P4DspmjllkG3c6KVsHft3bVPQy

Saint David’s Day Anthem can be bought here:

https://tycerddshop.com/collections/types?q=&constraint=composer_gwenno-dafydd

Traddodiad arall i ddathlu dydd ein Nawdd Sant

Ydych chi yn cofio’r dyddiau yna pan ein ffordd ni o ddathlu Dydd Gwyl Dewi (DGD) oedd i wisgo cenhinen neu genhinen bedr, bwyta cacennicri, bara brith a chawl gyda phob ysgol yn cynnal eu heisteddfod gyda presenoldeb llwyth o blantos bach ciwt mewn gwisg draddodiadol?

Mae amser wedi newid ers y cyfnod yna ac erbyn hyn mae nifer helaetho pareds (oddeutu 25 cyn y Cyfnod Cofid) gyda tair Baner Sirol a llwytho Faneri Ysgol yn cael eu gorymdeithio wedi eu selio ar eiriau adelweddau anthem gafodd ei hysgrifennu yn arbennig ar gyfer Dydd Gwyl Dewi (Geiriau Dwyieithog: Gwenno Dafydd. Cerddoriaeth: Heulwen Thomas) ac sydd yn cael ei chlywed mewn cyngherddau digwyddiadau DGD yng Nghymru a phedwar ban byd.

Falle y chi’n cofio fod Gwenno wedi bod yn Llysgenhad Dydd Gwyl Dewi Y Byd ar ran Americymru ers 2017 ac mae nifer o’r digwyddiadau uchodwedi dod i fodolaeth oherwydd ei hymdrechion di-flino dros y deunawmlynnedd olaf ers iddi feddwl am gael anthem ddwyieithog ar gyferdathlu ein Nawdd Sant.

“Mae Anthem DGD wedi creu canolbwynt i ddatblygu traddodiadau newydd wedi eu selio arni, gan gynnwys y dair Faner Sirol. (Penfro,Caerfyrddin a Threfaldwyn) a baneri ysgol. R’oedd yr holl gyhoeddusrwydd oeddwn i yn medru ei gynhyrchu gyda’r holl gynlluniau yma wedi helpu i hybu y syniad o gael pareds – rhai ysgolion, pentrefi, trefi a sirol. R’wyf wrth fy modd i ddweud fod Banner Sir Drefaldwyn wedi darganfod cartref parhaol yn Senedd-dy Owain Glyndwr ym Machynllwth. R’wyf mewn trafodaeth ar hyn o bryd gyda’r ysgol leol (Ysgol Bro Hyddgen) ynglun a creu traddodiad newydd o orymdeithio’r faner o’r ysgol i’r Senedd-dy tra fo’r plant yn canu Anthem DGD”. meddai Gwenno.

Mae Gwenno wastad yn meddwl am syniadau newydd a chyffroes i ymgysylltu gyda mwy o bobo i wneud DGD yn fynedfa posib i bobol ardraws y byd i ddod i archwilio eu gwreiddiau Cymreig. Mae y cyfnod twristiaid yng Nghymru fel arfer o ddechrau mis Ebrill ond d’yw Gwennoddim yn gweld dim rheswm pan na ellid ymestyn y cyfnod o fis Mawrth ymalen. Mae mewn cysylltiad agos gyda sawl aelod o’r Senedd i rannuei gweledigaeth a’i syniadau.

Mae ei syniad diweddaraf yn gyfuniad o nifer o ffactorau ac mae hi ynawyddus i roi’r clod i’r bobol wnaeth roid awgrymiadau sydd wedi cael eu cyfuno ganddi mewn i’w syniad diweddaraf sef DewchIDrochiDros Dewi DaffiDrochwyrDewi (neu yn Saesneg DaffyDipping4Dewi DaffyDipping )

Tua 2009 r’oedd Gwenno mewn cysylltiad gyda Pastor Phil Wyman o Salem yn yr Unol daleithiau (Mae e bellach yn byw yn Caernarfon)Ydych chi yn ymwybodol fod Dewi yn cael ei adnabod fel ‘DewiDdyfriwr’? D’oedd e ddim yn bwyta cig a dim ond dwr oedd e’n yfed. Uno’r dirwestwyr llysieuol cyntaf. Penderfynodd Phil y buasai’n dathlu DGD drwy gerdded i fynu at ei ganol mewn i ddyfroedd rhewllyd ar draeth Revere, Massachusetts, ac fe wnaeth, gan alw fe yn ‘Dunk for David’

R’oedd Gwenno wastad ishe gneud rhywbeth tebyg yma yng Nghymru ond erioed wedi gallu perswadio eraill i wneud hyn. Ta beth, yn ddiweddar, penderfynodd Jane Dalling, sydd yn aelod o Nofwyr Oerwch ‘Bluetits’ Sir Benfro, yn dilyn awgrym gan y sgwenwraig leol Teresa Hennessy, ei bod yn mynd i ddathlu penblwydd ei Mam ar ei phenblwydd ar yr 17eg o Ionawr 2023 ar draeth Pwllgwaelod (GogleddSir Benfro) Casglodd Teresa griw o ‘Bluetits’ at eu gilydd a’r criw i gyd yn gwisgo penwisgoedd cenin pedr ac fe aethon nhw i gyd i drochi er cof am Fam Jane, Eira, fuodd farw yn anffodus o ganser flwyddyn diwethaf. A peth rhyfedd iawn – fe fu hi’n bwrw eira ar y traeth tra bo nhw yn trochi. Cyd-ddigwyddiad anarferol iawn! Mae Gwenno a Teresa ill dwy yn aelodau o grwp nofio lleol Cwm Abergwaun y #SlipwaySirens ac yn ffrinidau ers eu hamser yn ysgol Uwchradd Abergwaun.

Wedi iddi gael ei hysbrydoli gan Phil a Jane fe benderfynodd gysylltu gyda Sian Richardson, wnaeth greu y ‘Bluetits in 2015 ac sydd yn bywyn fferm Pencarnan, sydd bron uwchben Traeth Mawr (WhitesandsBay) yn Nhy Ddewi – yn agos iawn at ble oedd Dewi Sant yn mynd i’r ysgol yn ogystal a thraeth lle bu Gwenno yn nofio yn rheolaidd reit rowndy flwyddyn am yr ugain mlynnedd olaf a mwy.

Gofynnodd os y buasai gan y Bluetits ddiddordeb i gymeryd rhan yn ydigwyddiad a dyma beth ddywedodd Sian:

“Mae’n werth y byd yn grwn i mi fod y Bluetits yn mynd i fod yn rhan o’r digwyddiad DewchIDrochiDrosDewi . Fe ddechreusom ni y Bluetits gyda dau berson yn nofio ar draeth yn Sir Benfro ac fe dyfodd i fod yn 100,000 o bobol yn trochi ar draethau a mewn llynnoedd ac afonyddled-led y byd. Dwi’n gobeithio gweld lluniau o gannoedd o hetiau cenin-pedr yn bobio yn y dwr Dydd Sul y 26ain o Chwefror eleni, y Sul agosa iDdydd Gwyl Dewi i ddathlu ein Nawdd Sant – ein ‘dyfriwr’ sanctaidd lleol.

Wythnos nesaf cewch glywed mwy am yr anghredadwy ofwyr oerwch Bluetits a sut lwyddodd Sian Richardson i drawsnewid gaeafau rhewllydy Gorllewin Gwyllt. Tan hynny - cerwch am sbec i https://thebluetits.co/

Mae y syniad eisioes wedi creu lot o gyffro gyda gwyllt-nofwyr felLeanne Wood, cyn arweinydd Plaid Cymru syn dod o’r Rhondda a CathPendleton (Mor-forwyn Merthyr) a nofiodd filltir yn yr Antarctic.

Felly os hoffe chi gymeryd rhan yn y digwyddiad, bach yn ecsentrig ondyn lot o hwyl, i ddathlu Dydd ein Nawdd Sant wel prynwch het geninpedr hardd, taflwch eich siwt nofio mewn bag, llenwch y thermos yna ,dargan fyddwch damed o ddwr oer a gwnewch yn siwr eich bod yncymeryd llun ar ol eich trochiad a rhannwch ar eich cyfryngaucymdeithasol gan ddefnyddio’r hashnod DewchIDrochiDrosDewi DaffiDrochwyrDewi neu/a  DaffyDips4Dewi DaffyDippers

Os ydych chi yn dod o neu yn byw yn Sir Benfro ag yn ffansio dod i#DrochiDrosDewi Dewch i Traeth Mawr (Whitesands Bay) Dydd Sul y26ain o Chwefror am 11.00 ar y dot. Fe fydd Gwenno yn canu Anthem Dydd Gwyl Dewi cyn rhuthro mewn i’r mor gyda gweddill y DaffiDrochwyr

Gallwch DrochioDrosDewi ble bynnag yn y byd ac wrth gwrs unrhywleyng Nghymru mewn llynnoedd, pyllau a thraethau. Bydd yn fwy hwyliogos oes na griw ohono chi yn ei wneud a cofiwch dynnu llun ohono chi irannu gyda’r byd. Cofiwch i ddefnyddio’r hashnod cyn eich lleoliad e.e. DaffiDrochwyr Aberporth

Gallwch brynu het cenin pedr fan hyn:

https://www.jokeshop.co.uk/det/4630/Daffodil-Hat-(Hooded)/Ymadawiad

Disclaimer : Mae bod yn rhan o ddigwyddiad DrochioDrosDewi ar eich risg eich hunan. Gwnewch yn siwr eich bodyn ddigon iach a ffit i wneud hyn, CHI sydd yn gyfrifol am eich iechydeich hunan a neb arall.

Am fwy o wybodaeth am sut mae Gwenno Dafydd wedi datblygu traddodiadau newydd ar gyfer Dydd Gwyl Dewi Cymerwch bip fan hyn a gobeithio gewch chi eich ysbrydoli.

Gyda baner ac anthem gellid Dathlu Dydd Gwyl Dewi ‘ble bynnag yn y byd

’https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL5kFg0P4DspmjllkG3c6KVsHft3bVPQy

Gellid prynu Anthem Dydd Gwyl Dewi fan hyn:

https://tycerddshop.com/collections/types?q=&constraint=composer_gwenno-dafydd

You are very welcome to set up your own event, however doing a DaffyDip4Dewi is entirely at your own risk. Please make sure that you are fit and well enough to do this. YOU are responsible for your own well-being. Take warm clothing and a warm drink for after the event.

If you want to have the Saint David’s Day Anthem as part of your event (get a local school or choir on board) the Saint David’s Day Anthem can be bought here: https://tycerddshop.com/collections/types?q=&constraint=composer_gwenno-dafydd

Elliott Thomas was a loner.

He had for the entire sixty years of his life lived with his late elderly Mother, Norma, at their remote log cabin home in the woods near Pontsticill in South Wales.

He had few human friends with his ten year old cat ‘Jonesy’, (named after the cat in the horror sci-fi film ‘Alien’ ) being his only regular companion.

Elliott loved that cat and Jonesy loved him back.

Most evenings Elliott would put his feline friend on a lead and walk him in the 

Taf Fechan woodland for the cat to do his business.

Clearly it is not just bears that shit in the woods.

One thing was certain though Elliott was not frightened of the dark- his Mother had taught him that there were no monsters under the bed and that the same things would be still there whether or not he turned the bedside lamp on or off.

Jonesy had grown accustomed to their twice daily stroll in the pine fresh clean ozone of the Brecon Beacons National Park- once in the Morning at 8am and later each night at 9pm.

Jonesy being a cat, didn’t like to defecate in his own garden but preferred to leave his faeces for someone else to step into his second hand Whiskas supermeat and share the love.

Elliott had been left comfortably off by his late parents, with his only expense being having to have his septic tank emptied once a year.

He didn’t pay Council Tax as his Property straddled the border with Merthyr and Powys and he fraudulently told both sets of Councils that was paying the other one - he felt is was unfair anyway, as if he wasn’t receiving any direct services from either in any event.

At the age of 60, he like most people in Merthyr had never held down a job but unlike the majority had never claimed any Government ‘benefits’.

Elliott spend most of his time reading old back issues of his treasured Americana, such as the now defunct ‘2000 AD’ and looking towards the Heavens with his telescope.

He didn’t possess a television set as the thick conifer and fir trees that surrounded his camouflaged cabin wouldn’t permit a terrestrial signal.

Despite it being 23 years since the title of his beloved sci-fi comic had passed it’s sell-by date- Elliott didn’t possess a mobile phone nor a landline.

He loved the concept of the future but didn’t embrace it.

His electricity and heating came via an ancient oil generator but generally speaking Elliott would turn into bed after his evening ‘catwalk’ and as soon as the sun set through his solitary West facing window.

His only contact with the outside world was the cash in hand, six monthly oil delivery and once a week the postman would deliver Mail always addressed to his late Father.

He hadn’t told anyone that his Father was dead and had assumed his identity and National Insurance Number as he was Elliott Thomas Junior.

Accordingly to official NHS records he was over 120 years of age.

There was a pile of letters from the local hospital inviting his deceased father to attend the ‘well man clinic’ which was somewhat ironic as had been dead for over 50 years, killed and buried in the woods after a single blow from a frying pan had done for him, after his Mother had accidentally killed him mistaking him for an intruder when Elliott Junior was just ten.

He had helped his Mother bury him downwind of the septic tank so as not to raise any suspicions on the rare occasion a lost rambler knocked on the cabin door.

Elliott was not just a loner- he was a Ufologist and believed that the Earth had been visited not just once by aliens but several thousand times over the last millennia believing that the purpose of the Blue Planet was as an Alien Ant Farm.

His one true friend, Mulder Rice, who had emigrated to the USA many moons ago continued to send him clippings of ‘Close Encounters’ with Alien visitors from his Roswell home in the Nevada desert near Area 51.

Elliott didn’t believe the official USA Government’s version of events from 1947 that the famous Roswell incident was in fact the remains of a weather balloon rather than the wreckage of an alien spacecraft.

He was convinced that it was all a big cover up.

Elliott was also dead jealous of Mulder’s claim that he had been abducted by grey aliens and taken up in a spacecraft.

He loved reading about the British version of Roswell - the Rendlesham Forest incident in 1980 - when various US Air Force staff witnessed strange lights around their Suffolk Airbase.

Elliott longed for his own close encounter with a creature from another planet and frequently dreamed of experiencing the same.

The young Elliott had never owned a television-only his late Father’s radio with a very limited signal which had ultimately indirectly brought about his Father’s death.

His Mother had been in the kitchen listening to a re-run of Orson Welles’ radio broadcast of War of the Worlds from 1938 and mistakenly believed her prankster husband to be a real alien and whacked him with a Teflon Saucepan across the temple.

Poor amateur astronomer, Elliott Thomas Senior , was seeing a whole universe of unknown stars before his legs buckled from under him, dropping dead to the floor like a version of tragic Merthyr boxer Johnny Owen- only ‘Match(Non)Stick Man- hands closed like a fist.

Such a tragedy had a massive impact on the impressionable Elliott Thomas Junior, as he was instantly promoted to doing all the things ( bar one) that his Father had always done.

It is certain that if Elliott Junior was examined by a psychiatrist, then that would have explained his series of facial ticks and sudden aversion to fried foods.

But after the recent death of his Mother, Elliott’s only companion was Jonesy- the last surviving kitten of a litter of five tabbies who had been adopted by Elliott when found abandoned like Hansel & Gretel in the woods.

He had never forgotten the sound of their mewing in Owl’s Grove and often woke up in a sweat as to what their fate would have been if he hadn’t taken them in that Autumn night.

Every since, Elliott always checked the area around the car park for any strays because he had heard innocently from the local Postman that it was a known ‘dogging’ spot.

Just like the disciples of a Judas goat, Elliott was easily led- except went it came to his body.

Elliott stared at the pile of letters but like most men of PeterPan persuasion, he didn’t want to accept the inevitable in that he was aging quickly.

Nowadays, whilst waiting to urinate at his makeshift wooden toilet, he had become conscious that it was taking longer and longer for his ‘engine’ to start.

And once he was in midstream , he was like Magnus Magnusson on Mastermind in that he had started so he would have to finish.

Unbeknownst to Elliott, he had an enlarged prostate and it was interrupting his rite of passage.

But contrary to posthumous advice from the late comedian Bob Monkhouse,  Elliott was too proud and too scared to have the simple test.

He believed stringently that it was purely an exit and not an entry hole.

Unlike the rock band , Led Zeppelin, he didn’t agree with going ‘in through the out door’.

It was nearly 9pm and Jonesy the cat was rubbing his body against his master’s legs - a sign he was ready to lay some cable.

Elliott grabbed his late father’s Gannex raincoat, last in fashion when Harold Wilson was Labour Prime Minister in the Seventies, put Jonesy on his lead and the pair set off in the direction of Owl’s Grove.

****************************** *(**

“Pass me the paste brush!” ordered PC Wolf Blass of his partner.

Constable Isaac Haynes reached onto the floor of the ‘Jam Sandwich’ police car and dipped the brush into the bucket of Solvite.

Holding onto the paste brush, Wolf Blass grasped the sticky bristles before dropping it on the floor next to the lighting column.

“Nice one!” He moaned, as he rubbed the excess paste onto the grey concrete upright.

He picked up the brush and pasted the Police Notice onto the lighting column next to the Red Cow Public House in Pontsticill, Merthyr Tydfil.

The headline read:

Police Notice:

Missing Hitchhiker, Woody Stock last seen in this village on Friday May 4th.

Anyone with information please ring Crimestoppers on 666.

There was a photograph of the missing hiker replete in his Hippy outfit taken from his drug arrest charge sheet from Glastonbury Festival 2022.

“666 is that the number for the Australia Police force?’ Asked Haynesy the detective.

“Printer Error …I ‘suspect’…but probably the reason we haven’t yet had any public calls at HQ!” Replied Wolf Blass.

“Went missing on Star Wars day too!” declared Haynesy.

“Star Wars day?” Asked Wolf Blass scratching his policeman’s helmet then his hat too.

“May the 4th!” Replied Haynesy.

“Huh?” Said Wolf Blass not following the reference.

“May the Force be with you? Said Haynesy quoting Obi Wan-Kenobi.

“The Force is always with us?” Queried Wolf Blass still lost in the conversation.

“Never mind….no wonder you didn’t make it to detective grade!” puffed an exasperated Haynesy.

“Perhaps we should consider putting up posters when we retire as a part-time job!” suggested Wolf Blass.

“Become Bill Stickers, you mean?” queried Haynsey.

“ We could call it ‘Old Bill’ Stickers?” He chuckled sarcastically before eating the last of his KFC mega bucket.

***********************

About two miles away in the woodland glade near Owl’s Grove, Elliott was excited he could see flashing multi-coloured lights ahead and he knew instinctively that it wasn’t Mr Whippy the usual ice cream van at this time of night.

Tying Jonesy’s leash to a thin sapling, he approached stealthily hoping not to startle the diminutive occupants of the spacecraft, who had descended down the metal steps and gone into the woods.

As he approached he suddenly noticed an unusual smell not normally encountered in the backwoods of Powys.

Unbeknownst to him, it was the Gallifreyan version of chloroform and by the time he had worked it out he was suddenly dropping unconscious to the forest floor.

****************************** ****

“That’s the last poster finished….shall we go back to the station or do you want to chance a visit to Owl’s Grove  to see if that Ice Cream Van is still there!” Asked Wolf Blass.

“ Do they still do alcoholic ice cream?” Asked Haynsey.

“Yes…they do Police ‘special’ versions with 999 flakes…!” Replied Wolf Blass also desperate for a fix.

“Owl’s Grove it is then!” Hands on the wheel trembling with delirium tremens.

****************************** ***

Elliott came round from his enforced slumber and found himself strapped to a medical table.

He was experiencing ‘fifty shades of grey’ alien.

He glanced around the interior of the spacecraft and noticed huge transparent glass cylinders around the perimeter containing many specimens of animal species all floating in a clear liquid.

Suddenly, his nose detected a familiar pungent perfume-like aroma.

Petunia Oill or Junkie Juice to give it its colloquial name.

He turned his head to his right and could see that there was another human male wearing a dirty yellow bandana, a CND tee-shirt and faded blue denim jeans.

He looked out of it - but he gave the impression from his outfit that he was always out of it.

Suddenly, a metallic door slid open and three grey aliens with huge saucer-shaped black eyes and three elongated thumb-like fingers entered the room.

The adjacent Hippy suddenly came alive.

“Not again!” He screamed at the diminutive creatures.

Elliott suddenly began to regret his lifelong ambition to be abducted.

“The name’s Elliott Thomas !” Said the nervous captive trying his best to extend a hand of friendship from Earth to the rest of the Universe from his restrained position.

One of the Aliens ticked off a sheet of paper bizarrely marked NHS with his middle finger.

“ET …I would phone Home if I was you!” Warned the Hippie.

“I don’t have a landline or a mobile !” Replied Elliott.

Suddenly, the table he was lying down on parted and his legs were spread in opposite directions as his lower body was raised.

He could feel his lower garments being removed telepathically and no sooner than they were at half mast then the middle finger of the lead alien began to glow and light up.

The table then turned 45 degrees, so Elliott was now facing the hippie and the smell of Petunia Oil mixed with Body Odour became overwhelming.

The glowing alien thumb like finger then entered Elliott’s rectum and began to burn all as it went higher and higher into the body cavity.

All Elliott could manage to say was:

“Does this mean we’re engaged?

The Alien scribbled something onto the sheet of headed paper before a computer in the corner of the room went into overdrive with more flashing bulbs than a celebrity on a Hollywood red carpet.

“Be Good Elliott…your prostate is fine…but you need to drop 35 pounds…you’re fat!” declared the lead Alien whose white name badge showed he was called Woo.

“Doctor Woo from Gallifrey?” queried Elliott as the straps began to undo untouched by any hand -human nor alien.

“Og ot eerf er’uoY!” Said Woo as Elliott was propelled slowly backwards towards the metal steps.

Elliott had never really reversed himself before, as the Time Lord disappeared from sight as he involuntarily backed out of the spacecraft.

As he reached the sapling still holding Jonesy the cat captive, he was astonished that time seemed to go in reverse.

Jonesy was even more in shock than his human master, especially as the shit he had just laid a few Earth minutes earlier had shot back up his furry feline arse.

The pair then moonwalked backwards like Paedo Pan of Pop, Michael Jackson being led to his cabin by Bubbles the Chimpanzee for their Honeymoon night.

The Spacecraft then simply took off at high speed into the night sky heading in the direction of Exoplanet, Proxima Centauri b.

A few minutes after, the cops arrived at the copse only to be disappointed that the ice cream was no longer in situ.

They were surprised to see however a cat taking its owner for a backward walk on a leash in the woods.

The pair decided that such an unusual event was worthy of further investigation- as they only really walked backwards after a heavy session on the beer at the Merthyr Rugby Club.

As discreetly as two 25 stone policemen could be, the pair followed paw patrol by car until they were forced to park up and follow breathlessly on foot.

Jonesy knew the way back to the log cabin backwards - which was good really - as to the untrained human eye he was in fact leading his human master back to his log cabin home.

***********************

At the Queen Camilla Hospital in Merthyr Tydfil, the Computer in the Proctology Department run by Artifecal Intelligence (AI) burst into life…printing a series of ‘semi- colons’ and colons on the NHS pages marked Elliott Thomas Senior.

Prostate check complete.

Enlarged but not cancerous it concluded.

The report was torn off and then filed by a Filipino Nurse under T.

Jeremy Hunt’s  much lauded reduction in NHS waiting times using  

private ‘illegal aliens’ had worked to the disappointment of small craft watcher Nigel Farage.

***********************

Outside the log cabin the pair of detectives lay in the undergrowth eating the last remnants of their sirloin sandwiches.

They were on stakeout.

“Right…do you want to be good or bad cop this time?” Asked Wolf Blass.

The pair made their way to the cabin door and rapped on the wood.

Inside the cabin, the time warp had rectified itself and Elliott was now moving forward    once again.

As he opened the door, Jonesy slipped outside.

He was desperate to offload his recycled log having been trapped in the environment of the non-log cabin.

It didn’t possess a cat flap but his furry arse did.

He was so desperate to go he could only reach the septic tank area before evacuating his bowels.

“Can I help you Officers?” asked Elliott- face ticking nervously like he held a guilty secret.

“Have you seen this man recently?” Asked Wolf Blass holding up a sticky paper poster.

“ Yes…that’s Colonel Saunders!” replied Elliott innocently.

Haynsey tugged at the front of the KFC wrapper that had become stuck to the front of the Missing Person poster.

“Sorry…not him…HIM …Woody Stock !” Wolf Blass said apologetically holding up the photograph of the Hippie.

Unbeknown to Elliott everything that had happened to him on the flying saucer had been deleted from his memory banks.

“No…!” denied Elliott believing that statement to be true.

“ If you can remember Woody Stock you weren’t REALLY there!’ Quipped Elliott half recalling the strange alien hippy encounter.

Haynsey’s attention was now drawn to where Jonesy was frantically digging trying to cover his shit in his own back yard.

“He was last seen hitchhiking in the nearby village of Pontsticill!” continued the unrelenting Bad Cop, instinctively smelling a deception and second handed petunia oil.

“Sorry …but I don’t drive or own a car!” replied Elliott.

“Are you trying to point the finger at me?” he continued.

Haynsey then pulled his partner’s shoulder and turned him in the direction of the cat and the septic tank area.

Poking through the mud was a bony male thumb.

Boz

(scroll down for English)

Mae’n bosib mai’r ddau drac yma yw’r mynegiad mwyaf pur a chrisialaidd o brif thema’r albym – profiadau Bethan ac Ynyr o fod yn rhieni. Maen nhw hefyd yn ganeuon pop da – felly roeddent yn teimlo fel par o ganeuon addas am sengl ddwbl.

1,2,3
Fel nifer o’r caneuon ar yr albym, cyfansoddwyd y gân hon yn wreiddiol ar y piano gan Bethan. Mae Ynyr a Bethan yn chwarae’r utgyrn ac yn ymuno a hwy mae Ioan Hefin, y dyn sy’n gyfrifol am solo trwmped mwyaf eiconig cerddoriaeth Gymraeg yn Gloria Tyrd Adre gan Eryr Wen. Mae hi’n gân am gariad a’r teimlad o geisio amgyffred maint y cariad gallwch deimlo at rhywun. Mae’n berthnasol i unrhyw fath o gariad ond yn yr achos hwn fe’i hysgrifennwyd wrth i’w merch droi yn dri mlwydd oed, gyda Bethan gwneud ymgais i fynegi a deall y cariad roedd hi’n ei deimlo am ei phlentyn a mawredd rhoi genedigaeth; yr her, gorchfygu a gorfoledd a holl fregusdra amrwd y profiad.

Geiriau
Shwt gall rhywbeth mor bitw
Siglo’r ddaear, tanio iâs?
Pan fi’n teimlo fe’n curo,
So’ fe tu fewn nawr, mae e tu fas,
Un, dau, tri Menywod doeth oedd yn gwylio,
Fy nghyn-famau, rhowch i mi nerth.
Holltodd twll yn y nefoedd,
Dysgu gwers o beth yw gwerth.

Fflachlwch Bach
Teyrnged i’w plentyn cyntaf-anedig. Daeth yr ysbrydoliaeth wrth i Bethan geisio cyfansoddi rhywbeth ar y piano gyda’i merch yn ei chôl yn scriblo dros y nodau. Mae prydferthwch mewn normalrwydd a phethau dydd i ddydd, gorfoledd mewn diwrnod arferol gyda phlant bach. Mae seren y gan yn ymddangos gyda solo allweddellau a’i llinell;

‘Beth chi’n aros am? Cân neu beth?
Fi mynd i ddechre un nawr so agor eich clustiau!’

Rhwng ysgrifennu a rhyddhau’r gan, mae eu hail blentyn wedi dod i dynnu sylw a chreu anrhefn wrth y piano unwaith eto, gan ysgrifennu rhan i’w hun yn y gân o nawr ymlaen hefyd. Mae Llyr Parri ar y dryms, Elen Ifan ar y soddgrwth a Mari Morgan ar y ffidil yn ymuno â Bethan ac Ynyr ar y trac yma.

Fflachlwch Bach (Bach) yw teitl y fersiwn fyrhaëdig hon o’r gân, gyda’r ferswin lawn yn ymddangos ar y record. Roedd y dull hyn o enwi yn fwy diddorol na galw’r trac yn ‘(Radio Edit)’ er ei fod mwy na thebyg yn fwy tebygol o achosi dryswch.

These two tracks are possibly the most crystalline and pure expression of the album’s main theme – Bethan and Ynyr’s experiences of parenthood. They’re also good pop songs – so they felt like an appropriate AA-side.

1,2,3
Like much of the album, this song was initially composed by Bethan on the piano. It features Ynyr and Bethan on trumpets but also features Ioan Hefin, the man responsible for performing Welsh music’s greatest and most iconic trumpet solo in Eryr Wen’s Gloria Tyrd Adre. It’s a song about love and the feeling of trying to comprehend the magnitude of the love that you can feel for someone. It can relate to any form of love but in this instance it was written when their daughter turned 3 years old, with Bethan trying to articulate and comprehend the outpouring of love felt for a child and the hugeness of childbirth; the challenge, escalation, triumph, glory and the raw vulnerability of it all.

Lyrics:
How can something so small
Shake the earth, spark shivers?
When I feel it beating It’s not inside now, it’s outside
One, two, three Wise women were watching
My ancestral mothers, give me strength
A hole split in the sky
Learning a lesson about what value is

Fflachlwch Bach
An ode to their first-born child. The inspiration came as Bethan was trying to compose something on the piano with their daughter in her lap scribbling over the notes. There’s beauty in normality and the everyday, joy in an average day with small children. The star of the song also makes appearance with a keyboard solo and her self-penned line;

‘What are you waiting for? A song or what?
I’m going to begin one now so open your ears!’

Between the writing and release of the song, the arrival of their second child has brought fresh distractions, beats and chaos to the piano, thus writing himself a part in the song. Llyr Parri on drums, Elen Ifan on cello, Mari Morgan on Violin join Ynyr and Bethan for this one.

This shortened radio edit version is called ‘Fflachlwch Bach (Bach)’ whereas the full-length album version is Fflachlwch Bach - bach means small or little. Whilst it’s more fun than just calling it ‘(Radio Edit)’, it’s probably more confusing. 

Q & A with Mark

So Mark what about yourself? Have you ever experienced love at first sight?

Mark: Definitely, but unfortunately it hasn’t worked out for me yet. It is hard with my lifestyle. I am always on the road, travelling the world but it puts a lot of pressure on my relationships as you will hear on my new EP ‘Getaway’.. But these stories give me hope and you never know what is around the corner.I did see photos of Catherine Zeta Jones over the weekend on instagram of their beautiful family dancing. Just wonderful. Now apparently when they first met Michael Douglas said it was love at first sight and he just knew. He said he was going to be the father of her children and well the rest is history.

Is the song heartfelt about a true story?

Mark: Yes. When we were just 18, me and my friends went on holiday to France. On the first night, one of my friends saw a girl on the other side of the campsite bar and said ‘there she is, she is the one’. Of course we all laughed, but despite the fact they spoke different languages and lived in different countries they are now married and live happily in Wales with two children. He was right after all and this song is about them.

How did the idea come to you?

Mark: As with most of my songs, the music comes first and mainly from an acoustic guitar. I was away working on ship and sometimes when I arrive the guitar is out of tune form the travel. I remember the top E string being detuned to a D and it surprisingly sounded good, so I kept playing and ended up with this dreamy arpeggio guitar part that drives the song. The rest soon followed.

Do you think love at first sight is a real thing?

Mark: I believe so for many people. I read some statistics recently - Nearly 34% of people claim they have experienced love at first sight 41% of men 29% of women. And It’s a nice thought in a world where there’s so many break ups. But you still gotta work hard for it!

Have your written any other songs about love on forthcoming new ep?

Mark: I’ve written about being in love and it not working out, but always wanting to be there for that person. I couldn’t say it to her so I put it in a song. My last single was an upbeat summer song about Getting away from the struggles of day to day life. There’s also one about that moment you’re in love and you just want to shut out the world and make the world wait. All heartfelt stuff.

What’s next for you, more love and music?

Mark: Well, I’m still working on the love part, but my new ep will be out early next year so I’m looking forward to finally being able to share that with everyone.

From the Wikipedia: - "Miriam Kate Williams (6 May 1874 – 8 August 1946) sometimes called Kate Roberts and better known by her stage name Vulcana, was a Welsh strongwoman. With strongman William Hedley Roberts, better known as Atlas, she toured music halls in Britain, Europe, and Australia. The couple performed as The Atlas and Vulcana Group of Society Athletes."

The extraordinary tale of a Welsh strong woman. Watch the embedded video below.

“Did you forget something from last time?” Asked Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Disgraced Former-British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, held out the hand he had previously offered to COVID patients in 2020 expecting the President to grasp it.

He declined.

“What do you want Boris?…..did you come to Ukraine to claim ‘Non-Dom’ status like some of your former Cabinet colleagues?” continued the President in impeccable English.

“Don’t mention that weasel Cummings to me!” replied Boris, still stung by the previous back stabbing from his former aide.

“Are you in trouble again and want to distract the public attention?” Asked the wise President.

“Boris….isn’t that a Russian name…as in Boris Johnson, whose Conservative Party have had multiple donations from Russian oligarchs and likes to play tonsil tennis with their wives?” Interrupted former World Heavyweight boxing champion, Vitali Klitschko.

“Not that one….so honoured to meet you though ….always been a big fan of the Klit !” said Boris switching his hand toward the pugilist.

The handshake was once more declined.

“Friend of two beards …Lord Lebedev of Hampton & Siberia?” continued the boxer.

“Shall I punch his lights out Mr President….we ARE supposed to be in blackout!”

Zelenskyy raised his hand for the Southpaw threat to stop.

“Look at that Chicken Kyiv…he is shaking more than a Russian conscript holding a Molotov cocktail!” Continued Klitschko.

“ Did you bring any tanks with you?” Asked the President.

“No …but I assure you that they are on order….I did however bring a few jars containing tomatoes for your civilians to continue taking down those pesky Russian drones!” Said Boris still shaking like Matt Hancock having a cupboard knee- trembler.

“ You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble!” Said Zelenskyy sarcastically.

“No trouble…I put it on my parliamentary expenses anyway!”

“We have invited ‘Biden’ to the Feast - to finally win the Cold War for the West!…surely then we will get our wish to join the United Nations, NATO and the European Union?” Said Zelenskyy hopefully.

“Of course!” replied the professional liar.

Boris looked more sheepish than a Welsh Hill Farmer.

“Sleepy Joe has agreed to send 31 M1 Abrams tanks to add to the German offer of 14 Leopard Tanks so we can decimate the out-dated Russian T72, T80 and T90 tanks on the battlefield and reclaim Donbas & Crimea from Putin the Great Bear!” The Ukrainian President announced triumphantly.

“ And make him more like ‘Winnie the Pooh-tin’ when you, the Victorious Ukrainian Paddington ‘peppers the pigs’ with tank shells?” Replied Boris trying to play to the crowd with his usual unintelligible drivel.

“Any chance you could close the crack in that ‘Iron Curtain’ over there ….as the orange flames from the missile fires are blindsiding me more than Keir Starmer at the dispatch box?”  pleaded the former PM.

“So exactly when will we receive the promised British Challenger 2 tanks, so we can make UK Rain with them ?” demanded Zelenskyy.

“ Or even copy Flybe and impose a no fly zone over our Country!” 

“It will have to be after the release of the Russia Report, the Sue Gray Partygate Enquiry and of course, the inquiry into how so many Gangster Russians have entered the Upper Chamber- the inquiry into the Soviet ‘Crimea’ Lords if you like…!” Continued Boris.

“That goes against the grain!” Replied Zelenskyy.

“Is that a veiled food threat ?” Asked Boris.

“My former KGB contact…oops sorry …that evil Vlad the impaler Putin threatened me too recently ….he offered to send me on a cruise - I thought marvellous…another freebie holiday….but sadly he was referring to the missile !” 

“Did you have any witnesses present to corroborate that claim?” Asked Zelenskyy.

“”Of course not…but you can ask my former editor of the Times Newspaper or Tory grandees Michael Howard and Michael Gove….I never fabricate stories or lie…!” protested Boris.

“Back to the original question Boris….when will we get the Challenger 2 tanks?” Ordered  Zelenskyy 

“Well, the Challenger 2 tanks will take some time but we have some tanks we can offer immediately - they are the Ajax tanks built in the original Donetsk -in the South Wales Valleys!” offered Boris.

“ They are ready to ‘rumble!’ he continued.

“ I have heard of that place….Hughesovska Tydfil ….on a Friday and Saturday nights it is more of a war zone than Ukraine…It is the amateur boxing capital of Wales especially near the Kooler nightclub…I fear to go there on my own!” Said Klitschko.

“Rumble’ alright….those tanks are reputed to suffer excessive noise and vibration and have a top speed of 20mph and no reverse gear !…..my military advisers have told me they are about as useful as PPE from a Conservative Party Fast track company!” Complained Zelenskyy.

“But what you do is to ‘Putin’ your older more deafer Tank Commanders in them from the Ukrainian equivalent of the Walmington-on -Sea Dad’s Army Home Guard- the most expendable ones…like we did with Liz Truss and hide the better tanks behind them…!” Said Boris.

“Who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler?” Asked Zelenskyy.

“ I prefer the comparison to Winston Churchill if you don’t mind!” Replied Boris.

“ He wanted to ‘Nuke’ Russia too …if my reading of history on Wikipedia is correct!” said Zelenskyy.

“And ordered the British Army to open fire on his own people- the Tonypandy miners!” Interjected Klitschko.

“Yes …but at least we Brits are more decent …it’s not like we would ever invade the Crimea like the Russians did in 2014!” declared Boris.

“Now that operation would be ‘unthinkable’! “ said Zelenskyy taking the piss.

“Would you take a bullet for your leader?” Asked Klitschko beating his chest.

“For Rishi Sunak?” Chortled Boris.

“ I would die for my Country like thousands of my countrymen have before me!” said the patriotic boxer.

“ I NEARLY died for my Country when I caught COVID in 2020….in my own version of the Cold War….does that count?” Replied the narcissist serial shagger.

“No!” Said Zelenskyy bluntly.

“Sign this commitment to Ukraine!” Ordered  Klitschko.

Boris took one look at the paper containing lots of clauses all written in a foreign language and grabbed a pen.

“ I don’t do detail….as the Brexit deal and the Northern Ireland Protocol proves!”

“Us True Blue Conservatives are diametrically opposed to ‘red tape’ !” boasted Boris.

“ I assume ‘shchytok tila’ means ‘Free Trade Agreement’ in Ukrainian?” laughed Boris knowing that he had no mandate to act on behalf of the British people anyway- in the exact same way that two of his successors Prime Ministers have.

“There….I have signed it….it’s all there in black n white…or more precisely in blue & yellow!……now where can I find those Babushk’s?…I too want to get inside those Russian dolls!”  

“ Shchytok Tila means ‘body shield’ in English in the same way Lonsdale means below the belt in Boxing!” replied Klitschko.

Boris looked more worried than the time Wife Carrie cracked his laptop password.

“Congratulations President you have your Churchill Tank after all!”

Kaysha Louvain - Trouble out 10/02/23

Kaysha Louvain is an award-winning songwriter and BBC Radio Wales A-Lister based in South Wales, UK. Having learned her craft for over a decade playing and writing with various musicians and bands, Kaysha has developed her unique sound into what it is today.

Drawing heavily on her Welsh roots, love of 80s and 90s Pop/Rock and the honesty and delivery of country music. Through her experiences and influences Kaysha has created a sound that is uniquely hers, not pressured into fitting into a certain box, Kaysha takes her influences and writes from the heart. Her music has been compared to the likes of Sheryl Crow, Stevie Nicks and KD Lang.

Her debut album ‘The Song Goes On’ was a hugely successful debut with two Welsh a-list spots on BBC Radio Wales and BBC Introducing, a Radio WigWam nomination, song of the year on Indie Top 39 and a song of the year on Glacer FM.      
      

A loving couple is prevented from physically touching by an oppressive ruling authority that deems their union to have “expired” in the UK Sci-fi indie Expiry, now available for free in North America via the Fox Corp-owned OTT platform Tubi TV.

First released through Cinedigm in the early months of the Pandemic, Expiry has found resonance among post-pandemic audiences who were prevented from having physical contact with their loved ones during repeated Covid-19 lockdowns. Expiry, filmed in South Wales, UK, before the Coronavirus dominated global headlines, is an eerily-prescient relationship drama set in a not-to-distant future that could well be our own.

Multi-hyphenate Tom Gatley, who not only wrote and directed the film but also scored its award-winning soundtrack, creates a world in which wearable tech devices monitor relationships and the success of a marriage is governed by a couple’s ability to conceive. Expiry presents a possible future where our increasing reliance on mobile devices to interact with one another results in technology that overrides our personal choices and dictates how we are able to connect.

Following its VOD distribution across major platforms in the US, Canada and UK, and the recent announcement of a distribution deal covering all 52 territories on the African Continent, Expiry is now available free with ads via Tubi TV in the US and Canada. The film’s listing can be accessed via the following link:

https://tubitv.com/movies/582964

Daniel Lyddon, the film’s producer for Seraphim Pictures, said: “The creative team welcomes the addition of Expiry to Tubi TV as the film continues to expand its distribution across the globe. With over 50 million monthly active users on its ad-supported streaming service, Tubi TV presents a significant opportunity to increase Expiry’s audience reach.”Tom Gatley, the film’s producer for TG Films said: “We are excited to see our feature film Expiry build its audience further, this time via TUBI TV. This is a great deal for the film and all of the team involved, and I look forward to seeing where it goes. I will be sharing the platform and news with friends and family.”

For more information please contact:
Daniel Lyddon
Company Director
Seraphim Pictures

daniel@seraphimpictures.com
www.seraphimpictures.com