Welsh Jokes - posted 2008-2010 - Page 3
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CONTEXT: Between 2008 and 2010 AmeriCymru ran a regular 'Joker of the Month' competition in the Welsh Humour Group . These pages were not migrated when we switched platforms from Ning to Jamroom in 2015. Below you will find many of the entries posted by members on the old site. Some of the jokes posted below are somewhat 'off color' and may contain 'salty saesneg' 
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Gill Comment by Gill on March 1, 2009 at 12:09pm in Welsh Humor
You can say what you like about my nan.....
My old gran, my nan, who was 96, had a map of Cardiff tattooed all over her back, showing all the famous landmarks of Cardiff, as well. (The taff, the castle, the old arcade, splott, etc)
Although some people chose to say that my nan was a bit grumpy from time to time, you've got to admit, you always knew where you were with her!
gaabi Comment by gaabi on March 1, 2009 at 1:03pm
oooh, very punny there, Gill!
Ian Price Comment by Ian Price on January 16, 2009 at 3:22am
Will Jones was a chicken breeder who decided to display his wares at The Royal Welsh Show. One of the judges was a patrician type who professed to know every breed of chicken simply by inserting his index finger into the carcass of a bird and sniffing it. Will was having none of this and he challenged the judge to prove his claims. " Very well " said the judge " Bring on the birds".
Will picked out one of his considerable collection of poultry at random and handed it to the judge. The judge slowly put his index finger into his mouth to whetten it and then inserted it into the chickens arse. He pulled it out and proceeded to smell his finger and stated " It's a Buckinghamshire Speckled Red".
"Good God" said Will " It's just luck. But you're right. Try another".
The judge once again placed his finger in his mouth, located the new chickens arse, inserted his finger, removed it and passed it under his nose. " It's an Argyle Blue" he said.
Will was becoming impressed and annoyed in equal measure and proceeded to test the judge on five other birds all of which were correctly identified.
"Well judge!" said Will "I must say that you know your birds alright."
The judge now revelling in his ability said " Yes I am rather good aren't I. Where do you come from my man?"
Will dropped his trousers, bent over and said " Perhaps you could tell me".
Posted by Ian Price on October 11, 2009 at 5:52am in Welsh Humor
There was a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the pond
A man in a punt
Shoved a pole up her nose
And said "you can't swim here, it's private"
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Said Hamlet to Ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
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There was a young fellow named Cass
Who's balls were made out of brass
When they clanged together
They played 'Stormy Weather'
And lightning shot out of his ass
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Mozart was a great composer;
Spent his life composing
Now that he is dead and gone
He spends it decomposing.
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"Down by the dustbin, I met a dog called Jim.
He didn't know me and I didn't know him."
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Permalink Reply by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on October 13, 2009 at 11:52pm
Subject: Modern Day Nursery Rhymes
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct
It's Raining, It's Pouring
Oh shit, it's Global Warming
Mary had a little lamb
The Doctor fainted
Jack and Jill went into town
To fetch some chips and sweeties
He can't keep his heart rate down
And she's got diabetes
Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
'twas Little Boy Blue with a horn.
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
"What have u got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you silly dickhead.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too ‘cos he was gay.
Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have a little fun.
Jill, the dill,
forgot her pill,
and now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
for just an itty bitty.
Jill's now two months overdue,
And Jack has left the city
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
The naughty Jack
grabbed her ass
now two of his teeth are missing
Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now its black and crispy
Mary had a little sheep
She took it to bed with her to sleep
The sheep turned out to be a ram
Now Mary has a little lamb
Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
Now you're stuck you silly Ba****d
There was a little girl,
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good,
She was very, very good,
But when she was bad
She got a fur coat, jewels, a
Waterfront condo and a sports car.
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no f**king wall
Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
The mirror laughed & den it spat-
It sure aint u.u ugly prat!
Mary Mary quite contrary how does your garden grow?
Listen you prat I live in a flat so how the damn do I know
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Permalink Reply by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on October 21, 2009 at 5:25am
Little Bo-peep has lost her sheep
but I know where to find them.
They're in the deep freeze with packets of peas
neatly stacked behind them.
Reply by Byn (Bynbrynman)Tavarn Ty Elise on October 29, 2009 at 2:37pm
I've got one on similar lines of Bart Simpson, but its a feminine (very) version, therefore it wouldn't get published.
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Reply by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on October 29, 2009 at 11:32pm
You seem to be getting to the bottom of it!!!
Posted by Ian Price on October 28, 2009 at 5:52am in Welsh Humor
Pumpkin
