Welsh Jokes - posted 2008-2010 - Page 2
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CONTEXT: Between 2008 and 2010 AmeriCymru ran a regular 'Joker of the Month' competition in the Welsh Humour Group . These pages were not migrated when we switched platforms from Ning to Jamroom in 2015. Below you will find many of the entries posted by members on the old site. Some of the jokes posted below are somewhat 'off color' and may contain 'salty saesneg' 
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Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on August 15, 2009 at 1:19am
SOME BLONDE JOKES
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a garage in the High Street. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, he gets it idling smoothly.
She says, 'What’s the crack?'
He replies, 'Just shit in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
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A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Well......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
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Two blondes living in Swansea were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... London or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Well, can you see London ?????'
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on August 13, 2009 at 12:37am
Dafydd walks into The Queens in Cardiff, and to his surprise he does not see anyone he recognises. He takes a seat next to a guy who is furiously reading a textbook and taking notes... After ordering a beer he turns to the guy studying and asks, "What are you studying?”
The other guy looks up and says, " I am a student at the University here, and I am majoring in psychology. I am learning about deductive reasoning right now, I have a test on it tomorrow."
Dafydd asks, "Deductive reasoning? What is that?"
The student says, "Let me give you an example...Do you own a lawnmower?"
Dafydd answers "Yes"...The student says, "OK, using deductive reasoning, since you own a lawnmower, I can deduce you have a lawn to mow, I would also deduce you own a home, you most likely have children, so I can deduce that you are married, and from that, using deductive reasoning, I can say you are a heterosexual."
Dafydd is amazed and says, "WOW! Just from the fact I own a lawnmower you know all of that?"
"Yep" said the student, "That is deductive reasoning."
The student then packs up his things and leaves. Before long, another man sits down at the bar...He turns to Dafydd who has now been there a while and asks "Are you from around here?”
Dafydd looks at him and says "Well, no, actually I am a student at the University here, I am majoring in deductive reasoning."
The new arrival looks puzzled, and says "Deductive reasoning? What is that?" so Dafydd says, "Let me give you an example! Do you own a lawnmower?"
The new guy replies "No."
Dafydd looks at him and says, "What are you, a queer?"
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on August 8, 2009 at 1:32am
Dai walks into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "Marged, his wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on August 6, 2009 at 1:25am
Mr Jones, the local preacher was talking to the Bethel sunday school group of young children about being good and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Mari fach cried out. "
And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher.
"Dead!" yelled Ianto.
Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on August 6, 2009 at 1:22am
Wales Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and the Antarctic down there will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to an unusually shaped land mass and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Wales, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets, beaches and rolling hills. The people from Wales are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous and they are going to be great sportsmen, singers and poets. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, you`ve given them everything, a perfect land God? You said there would be balance!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the neighbours I’m giving them
Dafydd Crwynwr Comment by Dafydd Crwynwr on May 24, 2009 at 12:00pm A
Roman general led his legion into Wales. As they were marching there was an uproar from the top of the nearby hill. When the General looked up at the peak, he saw a Welshman screaming down at them and banging on his shield. The General, thinking to make quick the execution of this rebel, sent 5 men up to kill him. As the 5 soldiers ran up the hill, the Welshman ran over the ridge out of sight. The legionaires follow him. The General could overhear the din of battle and smiled as he was pleased with his men. However, it was the blood-drenched Welshman who returned.
Furious, the General sent 15 men this time. As the soldiers got near him, again the Welshman ran over the hilltop and out of view. The soldiers followed. Again the General could hear the din of battle. Again the Welshman came back into view with no legionaires returning.
Infuriated beyond belief, the General sent 50 men to take out this Welshman. Like before the Welshman ran out of view with the legionaires following behind. Once more the General listened to the din of battle, but this time a lone legionaire returned crawling across the ridge, though the battle on the other side of the hill continued. The injured legionaire shouted down to the General, "Call a retreat General! We've been had, it's a trap! There are two of them!!"
David Thomas Jones Comment by David Thomas Jones on May 10, 2009 at 6:55am
This is a video of Rod Gilbert a Welsh comedian performing a routine about his luggage on Australian TV. Rod Gilbert's Luggage routine:
Paul Durden Comment by Paul Durden on March 26, 2009 at 7:42pm
Four people walk into a pub, One Welsh, One Irish, One Scotch, One English, The landlord say's What's this some kind of a f***ing joke.
Ceri Shaw Comment by Ceri Shaw on March 19, 2009 at 2:35pm
Hi Janice....Great stuff....any chance you can repost it in videos so we can feature it?
Tam Ryan Comment by Tam Ryan on March 19, 2009 at 1:38pm
Amazing Janice! Thank you for posting the video below!
Janice Comment by Janice on March 19, 2009 at 11:50am
"Extreme Shepherding"... done in Wales:
Emyr Comment by Emyr on March 18, 2009 at 2:01pm
Subject: Rugby Supporter.
Rugby season upon us again thought you may like this amusing story: A family of England supporters head out shopping, for Barbours, in Richmond, one Saturday before Christmas.
While in a sport shop, the son picks up a Welsh rugby shirt and says to his sister, 'I've decided I'm going to be a Welsh supporter and I'd like this shirt for my Christmas present!'
The sister is outraged at this; promptly whacks him round the head and says, 'Go talk to your mother.'
Off goes the little lad, with Welsh shirt in hand and finds his mother. 'Mum'
'Yes, son?'
'I've decided I'm going to be a Welsh supporter and I'd like this shirt for my Christmas present.'
The mother is outraged at this; promptly whacks him round the head and says, 'Go talk to your father.'
Off he goes with the Welsh shirt in hand and finds his father. 'Dad.'
'Yes, son?'
'I've given this a lot of thought; I've watched the style of rugby they play and I've decided I'm going to be a Welsh rugby supporter and I would like this Welsh shirt for my Christmas present.'
The father is outraged at this; promptly whacks his son round the head and says:- 'No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!'
About half an hour later, they are all back in the car heading home. The father turns to the son and says:
'Son, I hope you've learned an important lesson today?'
The son turns to his father and says:
'Yes, Father, I have'.
Father says: 'Good son, and what is it?'
The son replies: 'I've only been a Welsh supporter for an hour and I already hate you English b****ards!
Janice Comment by Janice on March 17, 2009 at 9:41pm
A Welshman, and a Baptist Preacher boarded a plane together and are seated beside one another.
After take off the flight attendant came around taking drink orders.
Of course the Welshman promptly ordered a whiskey. When she returned and handed the drink to the Welshman, she asked the Baptist Preacher if he was sure he did not want a drink.
He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.'
The Welshman promptly handed the glass back to the flight attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"
phil_D Comment by phil_D on March 9, 2009 at 7:19pm
Ha, nice one Ian... My "mates" in England used to tell it different... "What's the difference between a sheep and a Skoda?".. " I'ts more embarrasing getting out of the back of a Skoda"... ha.
Ian Price Comment by Ian Price on March 9, 2009 at 3:50pm
What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Skoda. You can shut the door on a Jehovah.
