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Lyn Mackay has been playing piano and entertaining people since she took over from the music teacher at her primary school in Swansea as the pianist for morning assemblies aged 10-because she was a better pianist than the music teacher! She has co-hosted a live radio show where she sang and played 'live' the requests that were phoned in by listeners. She has written 2 musicals - 'Swansea Girls' which sold out on it's 1st run at the Grand Theatre, Swansea and was brought back for a longer run 7 months later......and the latest ...... 'Swansea Women' which staged at the Grand Theatre, Swansea, September 2010 with tremendous success. AmeriCymru spoke to Lyn about her music and her future plans:-

AmeriCymru: Hi Lyn and many thanks for agreeing to talk to AmeriCymru. You are an accomplished musical performer and composer. Would you tell us something about your music background? Where did you study music?

Lyn: I started taking private classical piano lessons at the age of 7, after showing great interest in my auntie's old upright piano. I had a fantastic old teacher called Miss March and she took me through to Grade 8 in both music theory and practial. I went to a very music-focussed grammar school where I then learned choral singing and how to write harmonies etc. I became a professional singer after leaving school at 18 and travelled the world singing and playing piano, being MD and accompanist, writing and arranging. When I did my teaching degree years later, I decided not to do music as I felt I'd already done enough, so I instead opted to do a degree in Literature & Media Studies-both of which I also love.

AmeriCymru: Care to tell us a little about the musical "Swansea Girls"? What factors, experiences, etc. inspired you to create this show?

Lyn: I was working with the Welsh actress Menna Trussler who more or less told me to go and write something that we could do together...well I tried to think of something that we had in common...and I thought 'well, we're both Swansea girls....hey....GREAT name for a show!' and off I went like a rocket!! The entire show was written in less than a week-plus 13 new songs-I already had 12 frrom my back catalogue that I knew I wanted to use in the show. A lot of the script was auto-biographical and observational through my experiences of things I'd seen and done. I was thrilled to bits when it opened to a packed house in Swansea Grand Theatre. One of the proudest moments of my life was when the theatre manager called me to say 'we'd better out another performwnce on-we've sold out!'

AmeriCymru: What inspired the show 'Botox Boogie'?

Lyn: The SONG Botox Boogie came about after i got wolf-whistled at by some builders one day-it made me laugh...and I thought....'maybe youe DON'T have to be perfect to be attractive!' It gave me such a lift-and a laugh. Especially because, at the time, the press/tv was full of the size zero phenomenon and how anorexic models were being used by designers. Plus there was much discussion about botox and teeth veneers and hair extensions and boob jobs! So I wrote the song as a kind of protest-song.

A selection of videos from Lyn Mackay's YouTube Channel


AmeriCymru: Care to tell us a little more about your latest show 'Swansea Women'?

Lyn: In 'Swansea Girls', we meet 'Dolores' who's in her 80's. We find that she ran away from Swansea during WW2 but we don't discover why. In 'Swansea Women' we go back to WW2 and meet her, her family and neighbours as they struggle to deal with the horror of war. We also find out why she ran away.

AmeriCymru: Are there any types of music that you haven't explored that you would like to pursue?

Lyn: Hmmm....I don't think so really. Being classically-trained with 'cello as a second instrument I have a good knowledge and undertanding of that genre and as someone used to playing 6 hours a night, 6 nights a week in the big piano-bars I worked in, I was asked to play and sing every single style you care to think about-and some you probably HAVEN'T thought about lol! I have a very eclectic musical taste-for which I am very grateful. Good music is good music-whether it's pop, a Welsh hymn or jazz or Beethoven.As a composer though, I would love to write for tv or compose a film score.

AmeriCymru: You also run a musical academy in Swansea- 'The Lyn Mackay Academy Of Music & Performance LTD'. Can you to tell us a little about the Academy and your students?

Lyn: Yes, I started the Academy to offer specialist one-to-one vocal lessons to students, catered to THEIR needs. I cover all aspects of performance and also offer help with confidence and self-esteem issues. It has been quite successful and my students are now regularly winning university places and gaining success in competitions and auditions, about which I am very proud.

AmeriCymru: You have just released a new single 'Empty Arms & Empty Hearts'. Is there a new album in the works? Where can readers hear/buy the single?

Lyn: Yes, the album is called 'A FUNNY TIME OF LIFE' and is being launched in Swansea next tuesday. It should then be available for download within a month. It's a mix of 11 original songs from the 70's to the present and hopefully shows a good range of my writing, with something to appeal to everyone-from rock'n'roll to jazz, ballads and theatre, The single is a track from the album. I was commissioned to write it for SNUK-Surrogacy Network UK to help raise awareness of how desperately some people are to become parents-hence the title ' EMPTY ARMS & EMPTY HEARTS' . It is now avalable for download from itunes, amazon and other online mp3 download sites-just google it.

AmeriCymru: You have been vocal in your support for the campaign to save the Dylan Thomas Center in Swansea. Can you explain for our readers the importance of this resource?

Lyn: Oh dear-where to start? Well like I said, I have a love of words and I particularly like Dylan Thomas' work. The Dylan Thomas Centre is world-renowned as a centre of excellence and people come from all over to visit it, using the amazing knowledge of the staff there to follow the life he led in Swansea and see places mentioned in his works. Inside the centre WAS the lovely bookshop caf run by Jeff Towns. It is such a lovely place and such a resource for the people of the city and further afield. The revenue that this generates for the city annually, is in excess of 3 million pounds. We annot to afford to lose that, let alone a wonderful venue like the centre. I know that schools and colleges will really miss it as an educational resource as well. It is staggering to me that the council are even contemplating closing it. They have made some DREADFUL decisions in the past and are about to make another. They should be ashamed of themselves.

AmeriCymru: What's next for Lyn Mackay?

Lyn: Gosh...who knows? I have some very exciting projects coming up in the next few months. I also have to write the next musical in my quadrology-SWANSEA JACKS, which takes us from the late 50's into thearly 70's. I would like to do another album and am hoping to film the pilot for a tv show with Welsh entertainer and my good friend, Mike Doyle.

AmeriCymru: Looking forward to meeting up at the West Coast Eisteddfod:) Any final message for the members and readers of AmeriCymru?

Lyn: Well I have loved Americymru since I first joined it-seems like years ago now! I genuinely feel like I have already made some good friends through this network and am really hoping to meet some of you in person in LA this September! See you there!

Interview by Ceri Shaw Email & Margaret Lloyd Beckham

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It is now late on a Monday evening - and we are resting overnight before travelling again.

The Crimson Moon Tavern, Brother Weaver Barrel (aka Vollsanger) and the "Widow" spent a pleasant weekend somewhere in the realms of Azriel - where heroes from many lands and times are summoned to entertain the "Powers" and gain wealth and notoriety and fame....

At the same time - these heroes also are raising funds for the RNLI - the Royal National Lifeboat Institution - this year's chosen Charity of the Aberddu LARP Group based in Aberystwyth - who through their gaming and fun - also dip deep in their pockets in the Charity Auction - and though small in number this year - raised the magnificent sum of 1200 on the weekend - probably more in the final reckoning.

Part of the event included the Arena "Last Man Standing" battles - where, being a family event, everyone was entitled to enter - as long as they paid a small donation to the Charity of Choice... and as with many "knockout" tournaments - somepeopleend up with and easier ride than others.

And so it was for a young man who called himself "Janner" - yes a navy man in real life from the Plymouth area (Janner is a well used - though not verycomplimentaryterm for those from Plymouth). By luck or judgement he foundhimselfpitted against a series of young players -mostof whom did not reach his waist - other non-combatants and his wife !! Naturally he found his way to the Final - but what he was not expecting was the youngest challenger - one Lexy .. to decide that there were other ways of winning a competition, and she immediately challenged the
World famous Bard - Vollsanger ( well he was famous in that World ) who was currently disguised as Brother weaver Barrel to write a song about the dastardly deeds of the man who only fought children and the weak...

This was a challenge that the Bard was not likely to run away from !! after all - it was well known in the Crimson Moon that Vollsanger will sing any song for a Copper - and move onto the next table for a Silver piece - but for the prospect of Gold - he will pen you a song there and then...

To which - she further challengedhim- that her father would pay a hefty donation should the song be written - that donation going to the Charity for the Lifeboats - but that the longer it took to write - the less money would go in the pot!!

So the gauntlet to thrown ...

The fastest song to commemorate evil deeds of this vile serpent ... but one that must raisesufficientlaughs to ensure that the donation was matched by the hat that would be passed around the audience... a challenge indeed.

But one look at theinnocencein the eyes of little Lexy... the cat-likecomplexion- the very sharp dagger and the clearknowledgethat she knew how to use it... set Vollsanger on his task....

Ten minutes later - after a quick re-write due to the problems of candle power and vision when you get to a certain age - and the need for CAPITAL LETTERS to be able to sing... and the masterpiece was completed..

Well - itmaynot be the best song that you ever hear - but for a challenge from a youngster ... and ten minute deadline.. it helped to raise part of the 1,200 that the generosity of the LARP Players of Aberddu - and all systems that assisted, which I am sure will be gratefully recieved by the RNLI.

And so the song... please enjoy this bit ofdoggerelfrom Vollsanger - he is "here all week"

Remember - it is always a quarter to eleven in the Crimson Moon
5 minutes before drinking up time
Just time for one more drink
Always time for one more Drink in the Crimson Moon

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News

Weird Naked Indian are scheduled to play alongside the Manic Street Preachers in a National Theatre Wales production of The Passion, starring Michael Sheen as Christ.

Michael Sheen went to see an Un-Covered Music gig (a series of gigs that promote bands who play original music) where he saw Weird Naked Indian play. Michael requested to meet the band and asked them to write a song about The Passion with a rousing rebel feel that would fit the scene. The song titled Home is Where the Heart is has now been recorded and will be made available soon as a free download.

The event will be shown by 2 film productions internationally, one by the BBC and the other by Palm D'Or winner Keith Griffiths and Dave McKeen.

http://www.michael-sheen.co.uk/newsdesk/2011/01/29/michael-sheens-passion-play-to-be-made-into-a-film/

Bio

Weird Naked Indian are an acoustic rock duo with a unique style and big sound Nation Radio . Singer and guitarist David Dale and drummer Conor Doig, are driven by their passion for song writing and playing to live audiences.

The band draws upon influences such as The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zeppelin, Tenacious D, Two Gallants and The White Stripes to produce a new unique style of rock that one industry insider has described as Punk Folk Rock. Wow, incredible song craft, passionate execution, this duo lack nothing. Rich melodies, stomping beat and captivating charm. DJ Alli-Cat, Total Rock Radio

The Weird Naked Indian EP is available on iTunes from which the track Grass was selected by Adam Walton as BBC Introducing in Waless Demo of The Week

Weird Naked Indian

http://soundcloud.com/weirdnakedindian

http://www.facebook.com/wnifan

http://www.myspace.com/wnimusic

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Beware the Taffess


By Ian Price2, 2011-04-16

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A WELSH GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do
the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the
third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Wales. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hotmeals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

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Sain Newsletter - Ebrill | April 2011


By Ceri Shaw, 2011-04-16
sain - logo

Gr y Gwyrthiau

Cyfle arbennig i chi gael y ffilm unigryw hon iw chadw ai thrysori gan bawb yn y teulu. Cawn weld hanes Iesu trwy lygaid y ferch ifanc Tamar , syn gweld bywyd, y dyn, Duw , y llon ar lleddf, y farwolaeth eithaf, ar gogoniant mwyaf.

9.99

A film to be treasured by the whole family. Jesus story is told through the eyes of a young girl Tamar who sees life, the man, God , the good and the bad.

9.99

sain scd2649

Sain DVD104

Cynigion Pasg - Easter Offers

sain - pasg

Gwyn Hughes Jones - Canur Cymry, Cyfrol 1

Bwriad y casgliad hwn y cyntaf mewn cyfres gobeithio yw adlewyrchu neu gynrychioli peth or diwylliant lleisiol cyngherddol sydd wedi llunio traddodiad y canu Cymraeg, a thraddodiad y tenor Cymreig yn benodol.

12.98

This album which is designed to be the first in a series sets out to present the vocal concert culture which has helped form the Welsh singing tradition, with the emphasis on the Welsh tenor solos.

12.98

sain scd2549

Sain SCD2549

Rhys Meilyr

Does dim dwywaith fod ganddo lais a hwnnwn un soniarus a chwbwl unigryw, ond mae ir llais yma rhyw gyfrinedd syn mynnu eich sylw or nodyn cyntaf ac yna maen lapio amdanoch fel blanced gynnes, gyfarwydd ac yn eich swyno.

12.98

His attractively sonorous voice is Rhys main asset, a strange mix of innocence and maturity, breathing new life into the songs he sings, bringing a fresh and different voice to the scene which makes one sit up and take notice.

12.98

sain scd2649

Sain SCD2649

Al Lewis Band - Ar gof a chadw

Mae rhain meddu ar y ddawn o gyfansoddi caneuon melodig a fydd yn cael eu cofleidio gan gynulleidfaoedd. Mae rhain meddu ar y ddawn o ganu fel eos. Dengys Ar gof a chadw , albwm newydd sbon Al Lewis Band, fod y bachgen lwcus hwn yn meddu ar y ddau.

9.99

Some people can effortlessly compose melodic songs that audiences will lap up. Others can sing beautifully with no effort. Ar Gof a Chadw , Al Lewis s latest album proves that some people have it all.

9.99

rasal cd033

rasal cd033

Lleuwen - Tn

Tn yw albwm hir disgwyliedig diweddaraf y gantores ryfeddol Lleuwen .

9.99

Tn , the Welsh and Breton word for fire, is the eagerly awaited new album from acclaimed Welsh singer Lleuwen .

9.99

gwymon cd014

gwymon cd014

Llongyfarchiadau - Congratulations

Enillydd tocyn gwerth 50 o nwyddau o wefan Sain yng nghystadleuaeth mis Mawrth oedd Myfanwy Williams o Ynys Mn - llongyfarchiadau mawr iddi hi a diolch i bawb a fentrodd gystadlu.

Cwestiwn:
Beth yw enwr trac syn cyfeirio at Mam ar CD newydd Rhys Meilyr ?

Ateb:
Cariad Mam

The winner of the 50 voucher for goods from the Sain website in our March competition was Myfanwy Williams from Anglesey - congratulations to her and a big thank you to all who competed.

Question:
What is the name of the track that refers to Mam on Rhys Meilyr s new CD?

Answer:
Cariad Mam

sain tocyn

Cynigion arbennig - Special offers

Os yn chwilio am fargen mae na ragor o CDs ar bris o 5.99 wedi eu hychwanegu ar ein tudalen cynigion arbennig! There are even more bargain CDs at 5.99 on our special offers page!
sain logo

Cyw

Cynnyrch amrywiol Cyw ar gael - Tegan meddal - 4.99
Jigso - 6.49
Cadw-mi-gei - 5.99
Mwg - 5.99
Crysau-T - 6.99
Babygro - 8.99

Newydd . . . . . . . . .
Bag cefn 7.99
Hwdi - 15.99
Papur lapio - 99c
Magnedau amrywiol - 1.99
Pyjamas - 12.99

Cyw merchandise items available - Cuddly toy - 4.99
Jigsaw - 6.49
Money box - 5.99
Mug - 5.99
T-shirts - 6.99
Babygro - 8.99

New . . . . . . . . .
Rucksack - 7.99
Hoodie - 15.99
Wrapping paper - 99p
Magnets - 1.99
Pyjamas - 12.99

Cyw

Taflenni cerdd - Sheet music

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Cyhoeddiadau diweddar eraill - Other recent releases

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- Am y newyddion diweddaraf - For the latest news and updates -

sain newyddion facebook twitter

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Rhydian's Quest by V.S. Jones


By Ceri Shaw, 2011-04-16
Epic and thrilling poetic adventure set in ancient times

Out of ancient Wales rides Rhydian, a raw, untried young knight with a great deal to prove and an arduous journey to make, both physically and spiritually.

On the way, he must face jealous enemies, shape shifters, spirits from other ages, enchantresses and a fabled sword and scabbard, which can render its user invincible but can also lead him into temptation and to craving power at any cost.

To help him, he has his faithful warhorse, his clever hound and his beautiful lady, blessed with second sight. Rhydian needs not only incredible courage but also humility, forgiveness and friendship if he is to conquer lust, hate, anger and vainglory and achieve true knighthood.

The rich, clear, simple verse will catch, enthrall and ultimately uplift the reader. The pace is exciting, the wonderful landscape vividly drawn and all the characters touchingly human.Read more HERE

V S Jones was born in London, where she originally trained as nurse. However, a born rebel, she left before completing her training and headed to Jersey where she drove taxis. Eventually she returned to London and some time afterwards opened a restaurant in North Wales with her first husband. When both her restaurant and her marriage failed, she returned to nursing and supported her two daughters as a single mother. Two more daughters followed her marriage to her second husband, and at the age of 50 she embarked on a degree course at her local college, followed by a Cert Ed. Since completing a post-graduate Diploma in Dementia Studies, she now divides her time between distance learning tutoring and working for a lifeline control centre with particular emphasis on people with dementia. She now lives in Wellington, Somerset.

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How could you do this to me, Ceri Shaw?


By Crap Wife, 2011-04-15
How could you do this to me, Ceri Shaw?


I found Dave Garland Jones through Americymru.net,

I fell for his hair... then his earring,

Then You aint seen Ruthin yet.

I couldn't take my eyes from the screen; I watched him online,

Fighting wars for his art form,

He's ahead of his time.

Excited by the Geography (he lives close to me,)

I will start a Scrap Book and call it...

The Life of Davie-G.

I was on YouTube for hours, hes had thousands of views,

If I could just maybe once meet him,

Would he make me his muse?

I dont love him in a that way, Im not attracted you see...

But his failings are irresistible...

To a stalker, like me.

The bus stops about a mile from the great DGJs home,

I sit and wait there for hours...

Hoping Dave lives alone.

I leave down-right dejected.Dave Garland Jones is not in.

But it was nowhere near a wasted journey,

I found souvenirs... in his bin.

I feel my confidence soaring, on the tail my toil,

I log on to watch him on youtube...

My blood starts to boil.

The reason (I hear you asking) is Ceri Bloody Shaw,

Trying to lure Dave to America,

The betrayal is raw.

While Dave's songs and sketches pierced my heart like a knife...

Ceri was scheming from Portland,

To take him from my life.

I dont know how Ill continue, in the face of this blow,

Who can I stalk in his absence?

'Cause Daves sure to go.

It's not even like I can follow, the thought fills me with fright,

At one thousand pounds sterling...

I can't afford the flight.

I can live, pray and dream as fate rolls its dice

And that Dave will come back from LA one day...

Treforests quite nice.

In the meantime I am left with YouTube for a friend,

Daves no doubt packing his suitcase,

A/C will have got him in the end.

So I hope you enjoy him, Americymru.net

Be sure to tell him that I love him, please...

...dont let him forget.

CrapWife.


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Apparently Husband didnt sleep very well last night. This is because (according to him) I woke up 6 times, loudly declaring Im hot! and then got out of bed at 4am and cried for ten minutes because I was too cold.
I remember nothing of this and have only his word for it, so given his recent dishonesty, I dont believe him. (Although... it would explain why when I got up this morning I was wearing gloves and the foil space poncho my mother got me when she visited NASA.)
Weve started getting up a minimum of two hours before he leaves for work in order to spend quality time together and talk. This was his idea. It is a very bad idea. Given that I have hypothermia, I think I can excused any blips the usual sunny disposition hes come to know and love.
Do you want toast babe? he asks, all healthy, happy and normal.
Glare.
C-O-C-K- O-F-F I spell out using my hands to make the letters.
Is that a yes or a no? I dont read sign language.

Glare and two fingers.
Two pieces of toast then? Honey?

I like honey, so I nod.
My mood improves as I read get well soon messages on twitter from people who understand how ill I am. Husband promptly ruins this mood by whistling.
When we got married, I drew up a list of rules; one of them prohibited whistling before midday. Husband seems to have forgotten this rule, along with many of the others, including:
  • No pissing in wardrobes no matter how drunk you are
  • No asking for sex for a month if England beat Wales, Scotland or Ireland in
  • any sporting event , including synchronised swimming, archery and bowls.

My fingers and toes are still a turquoisey blue, and if I stand in the garden in my pyjamas I start shivering again. This is proof that I have hypothermia. Husband sees me shivering and tells me to come in before I... and I quote, ...catch a sniffle?

Sniffle? I have hypothermia! A sniffle is something made up by parents to make kids do their anoraks up... or to explain to strangers why their offspring drips snot... I have a potentially life threatening condition caused directly by his cheating on me with animals. I would tell him all this, but Im not speaking to him.
This is nice, we get to spend some time together before I leave now. Howre you feeling? he asks.

Babe? Howre you feeling? he asks again. Ive tried, I really have, but my will to speak is too strong:

I feel like shit, I have hypothermia and you arent taking me seriously. I tell him.

I am taking you seriously, but babe, youve got a sniffle because you got wet and youre grumpy because youre tired.

Grumpy? Im not grumpy; Im having an emotional breakdown caused by ice shards in my brain. I hate it when he plays things down.Hypothermia can cause all sorts of medical complications- I looked it up on Wikipedia.
By the time Husband returned from work last night I had fashioned my office chair into a passable replica of Stephen (God amongst men) Hawkings wheelchair. I accomplished this using duct tape, straws, a digital photo frame, some bamboo canes and the waste hose from the washing machine. This exercise was designed to give Husband a glimpse of the consequences involved when not taking potentially life threatening complaints seriously. If the wheelchair didnt do it, the voice changer app on my iphone certainly hit home.
Judging by the look on his face, Husband will be more sympathetic in future.
I would like to quickly draw your attention to the 'pet names needed' button above this post- please click and share with me your ideas for embarrassing pet names for me to call him in public. There are some crackers there so far... Sunday lunch at my mother's is shaping up to be a colourful affair.
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Husband vowed that he wasnt going to speak to me last night but he had to in the end. I think Ive got hypothermia.

Wife, you dont have hypothermia, youre a just a bit cold because you were being mental in the garden wearing your fucking wedding dress.

A quick Google of the symptoms confirms that yes, I have hypothermia.
Youre shivering because youre still wearing your wedding dress and your extremities arent turning blue, youve painted your bloody toe and fingernails turquoise.
This is beside the point. I have pins and needles and Im woozy. I fear the end is near.
Maybe if you went and changed instead of standing there like Miss Havisham youd feel better.
The similarity is uncanny; its 20 to nine and Ive spent all day training the dog to hate men. Hes probably right about the getting changed thing though, but Alas! I am too weak. Better to have a rest on the kitchen floor instead, I decide.
Babe, get up, youre dripping everywhere. he says, stepping over me.
Woe- I can barely hear you speak, Husband; my energies are concentrated upon staying away from the light. Each word is a struggle for me.
Wife, your veil is stuck to your ears and the light is from the fridge, Im making dinner. Get up.
Hmm. I am hungry; no doubt a side effect from the hypothermia.
Why are you so dramatic? Is this about that Gin thing?

So he admits it then, eh?
My dearest Husband, oh my weary love, I am in much psychic pain- I am finding it troublesome trying to come to terms with your infidelity... And Im not fucking dramatic.

How are you not dramatic? Ive come home tonight to find my wife bobbing in the paddling pool in her wedding dress with our first dance song blasting from the conservatory. And now youre trying to speak all Dickensy- How is that not dramatic???


You lack the tools to understand the complexities of my wounded heart... I say, eyes rolling as death nears.
When I emerge from my brush with death and see that hes ignoring me and chopping tomatoes I decide to be the bigger person.
Husband is clearly ashamed of his recent indiscretion and his refusal to pander to me is obviously because he feels so guilty.
Plus, I really am fucking freezing. I head upstairs to change. After screaming for nearly3 whole minutes Husband is eventually there like a flash. He doesn't seem concerned by my distress and suggests that my skull isnt actually bleeding and that perhaps the blood is seepage from my latest home hair dye attempt. Im not convinced.
Over dinner, he brings up Gin. I tell him that Im not ready to hear him speak the name of that slag pasty and clutch my heart to indicate that it still hurts.
Slag pasty?
I cant answer as unfortunately I seem to have fainted.
You said slag pasty? Gin the slag pasty? As in Ginsters pasty? he thinks he's fucking Columbo.
Did I? I cant recall; my memorys patchy which is probably due to the hypothermia or the bleeding skull .
Are you telling me that youve been accusing me of cheating and floating in the paddling pool in your wedding dress because I ate a steak bake? he asks.
Betrayal is betrayal flowerpot, you made me be a vegetarian so in your face. I reply.
Oh my fucking God. Firstly, the vegetarianism was your idea. Secondly, I only ate meat in work because I found a 4 pack of Peperami behind the DVDs and some wafer thin ham under the sofa on day 1 of usbeing veggie! I was playing you at your own game. he's riled.


I have no idea how they got there and I resent the accusation.
Hes gone a bit red and hes speaking quite loudly, it looks like Husband might be about to break...
Youre mad, babe, I love you. He says, finally.
What? Thats it? Ive caught hypothermia and told my mother hes cheated on me and thats it?
This is what really gets on my tits about Husband. Doesnt matter what I do, how I do it, how mental I act- hes never any closer to breaking than when I first married him. Sometimes I dont know why I bother.
Husband went to bed happy, his patience had miraculously rejuvenated. He even attacked the bedtime challenges with renewed vigour, throwing a new move- the figure of 8- into the naked cock dance recital.
As I watched Husband hum the theme tune to Neighbours and perform the helicopter, his willy wind-milling furiously like the hands on Jodie Marshs body clock, I realised that Im going to have to try harder to break him. I think its time to buy a video camera, don't you?
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