Notification of Possession
Now look here!
As its July 4th may I be the first to congratulate the people of The United States for keeping my colony in good order for the last couple of hundred years or so.
I was just checking the deeds and I see that your lease is up on December 12th 2015. I never had a great opinion of my forebears but great great great grandpapa Rowley Whistleton Thynne had a whiz of an idea when he bought America for a hand full of shiny farthings back in the days when a farthing was worth something.
By my estimation the return on such a small investment is going to be astronomical. I was just pouring over the US GDP figures for the last decade and I must say even given the odd trillion or so that seems to have been wasted my coffers look like expanding to gargantuan proportions.
Before you start remonstrating that I dont deserve such returns let me put your minds at rest. I AM A GOOD LANDLORD. As my tennents I will care for your every need. Of course as time passes we as a communal ongoing concern will gradually revert to a feudal system of government where I and my lineage the boy Tarquin is very excited about this will become Kings of America. By the by please be assured that in addition to shipping in an impeccable English aristocratic class to run things as twere I will also offer positions of prestige to natural born Americans with an eye for the main chance. Titles such as Duke of Tennesee and Earl of Biloxi will be made available to those with suitable sums of money or daughters of a marriageable age. Im particularly looking forward to handing out the title of Prince of Las Vegas.
Please dont attempt to thank me for my beneficence because as you Yanky chappies would undoubtedly say Thats the kind of guy I am .
Quentin Whistleton Thynne ( Col Rtd)
Dear Sir Cheeky Slum Lord,
1) The AC is on the fritz...again.
2) Need new carpeting, especially in Arizona.
3) Don't forget I have the Queen o"Cali spot. You remember, don't you? Vegas, jello shots, Elvis in the chapel? No worries, I have the whole thing on video. Multiple copies.
Any chance you can fix the plumbing?