From a book called
'Disorder in the American Courts' these are things people
actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying
straight-faced while these exchanges were actually taking
place.

_____________________________________

1)
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
in what ways does it affect your
memory?
WITNESS: I
forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you
give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________

2)ATTORNEY: Now
doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next
morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass
the bar
exam?
____________________________________

3)ATTORNEY: The
youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your
IQ

4)ATTORNEY: Were
you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting
me?
_____________________________________

5)ATTORNEY: So
the date of conception (of the baby) was August
8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And
what were you doing at that
time?
WITNESS: Getting
laid
_____________________________________

6)
ATTORNEY: She had three children,
right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How
many were
boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were
there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I
think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
_____________________________________

7)
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
terminated?
WITNESS: By
death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was
it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a
guess
_____________________________________

8)
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium
height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was
this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless
the Circus was in town I'm going with
male
_____________________________________

9)ATTORNEY: Is
your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your
attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I
dress when I go to
work.
_____________________________________

10)
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of
them. The live ones put up too much of a
fight.
_____________________________________

11)ATTORNEY: ALL
your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral.

12)ATTORNEY: Do you recall the
time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The
autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
ATTORNEY: And
Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time
I
finished
_____________________________________

13)ATTORNEY: Are
you qualified to give a urine
sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask
that
question?
_____________________________________

And
the best for last:

14)ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you
performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for blood
pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did
you check for
breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So,
then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How
can you be so sure,
Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was
sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I
see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is
possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law

THINK ABOUT IT!
MOST MEMBERS OF CONGRESS ARE
LAWYERS.....