Whilst visiting the many and varied watering holes throughout the valley it becomes obvious, that despite the differences of locale, there are certain types of people who naturally gravitate towards bars - or at least develop certain traits because of their constant use of a pub. In each establishment one can see the gambler, the alcoholic, the sipper, the lone drinker, the cultured drunk, the needler and most interesting of all - the liar.The liar is a peculiar animal. Hes not really a vindictive man but has developed a sense of hyperbole borne out of listening to other liars. He has an irresistible urge to out do anybody who in his opinion is speaking nonsense. The fact that the best bar liars are mostly uneducated types with a scant grasp on reality or indisputable facts makes their pronouncements all the more interesting and deliciously preposterous. Better still is the fantasist liar who wants the world to be what its not and so sets about painting scenarios of surreal beauty just tinged with a dash of reality to make them digestible. When several of these types happen to meet in one room the best strategy is to keep a straight face and treat each pronouncement with deadly seriousness and the occasional appreciative chuckle. Its also well to remember that each liar, or shall we call them hyperbolists, seems blissfully unaware that another of their kind is close at hand. The effect of accumulative and escalating fibs however can be quite debilitating to the casual observer.On one Saturday morning many moons ago I had occasion to call at The Treorchy Hotel to pay some contributions towards a day trip we had booked to Carmarthern or some other place to the west. When I walked in I could see that four of the finest exponents of hyperbole were standing at the bar. This in itself was remarkable. Even more remarkable was the fact that the landlord Keith Evans himself known as Tom Pepper was serving them.First to speak was Dai Brunker. He looked at me and said Hello Ian. We were just talkin about Elwyn Thomas. Have you seen him lately? I said that I hadnt for some months and asked why. Was he ill? You could say that said Dai. Hes picked up with skinny Janice. You know her. Shes from Treherbert. Looks like a tape worm with a big ead. Anyway hes been knocking her off and we think shes killing him. Why I asked. Because he came in here yesterday and looked as though hes lost about three stone. You ought to have seen him. He looked like he had two bricks in his arse pockets. Hes nothing but bones. I started to laugh at this suggested visage. Its not funny said Dai Hes looking horrid. I laughed even louder.To his left was Brian Poole. Poole was the most inventive swearer Id ever come across and hed developed a nice line in droll insults and fantasy (he once told us that you could buy Star of David shaped pork chops in a butchers in Ton Pentre and some people believed him) and he could change any subject at the drop of a hat. Never mind about Elwyn he said Have you seen his brother Terry. He came in here last night. You know him. Hes only five foot tall but thinks hes six foot six. You ought to have heard him laying down the law last night about what rugby we were going to watch on the box. Everyone wanted to watch Cardiff except im who wanted Llanelli on the other side. I told him where to go and then he squared up to me. What happened? I was intrigued. Nothing really said Brian. I told him to get his sword out and go and fight the spiders in the corner of the room. Short arsed bonehead as he is. He then told me hed set his dog on me. HA! Have you seen it? It looks like an up turned scrubbing brush with four legs. I was becoming positively weak by now and sat down.Tom Pepper was the next to speak. He went over to Emlyn Hicks and said Been up the allotment today Em? Emlyn was a red faced man who never stopped smiling. He always had a wicked look in his eye and wouldnt give anyone a straight answer where a spurious one would do. Aye he said Ive been having trouble with rabbits eating my lettuce. Id just come back from chaining the mother in law up in the garden shed last night It was a full moon when I saw a pair of ears sticking up behind one of the lettuce. So I got up early this morning with my shot gun and as luck would have it, it was still there. Oh aye said Pepper Did you get it Nah said Emlyn I gave it two barrels and destroyed the lettuce. Thing was. When the smoke cleared there was a donkey standing there Everyone burst out laughing.Hey said Emlyn Dont laugh. The other day I was taking a lettuce to the vicar at the top of Church Hill when I dropped it. By the time I caught up with the bloody thing it had rolled all the way down to Railway Terrace and knocked one of the coal wagons over in the sidings. Anyway where have you been lately Tom? I havent seen behind the bar for some time. Ive been on a break Em. We went down to Hampshire to visit the in laws Did you have a good trip? asked Emlyn. It was OK see. It was a bit strange when we were asked to join a witches coven but we had a laugh. What balls are you talking about now? said Poole. Before he could answer Keiths wife walked in to the bar. Are you a witch Jen? said Dai Brunker. You cheeky bugger Dai. Ill put a stop to your beer if you cant keep a civil tongue in your head. Sorry Jen said Dai but Keith was saying that you joined a witches coven on holidays. Ha! We watched a film called Blood on Satans Claw. Thats all. You ought to know better than believe anything he tells you. You know hes a bloody liar like the rest of you.At this point the spell was broken so I drank my beer and said farewell. For the rest of the day I found myself chuckling out loud for no obvious reason. Im still chuckling as I write this.