Waking up on a train full of tobacco smoke surrounded by bleary eyed men with hangovers is a sight to behold. There are a lot of vacant stares, a lot of longing reminiscences about bottles of cold water and the realisation that the pubs dont open for another ten hours.Amongst our motley crew was a guy who had travelled from Merthyr Tydfil. It was his misfortune that the train we were on would only come as close as ten miles from his home. He sat there in a semi stupor pouring out his woes in a very droll and exhausted manner.He started Did anyone go to Marks and Spencers yesterday morning? I sat there for an hour wrastling (sic) with a sausage until I gave up. What do they cook their food in up here? It must be a mixture of axle grease and cow shit. Everyone started to chuckle.We got soaked in the morning and couldnt get into a pub until one o clock and when we did it took us fifteen minutes to get to the bar every time we wanted a pint. Glasses were scarce as well so we ad to go back and fore, back and fore. We thought everybody would bugger off when the game started but they all stayed put. By four o clock I was knackered with all the tussling so went outside and bought a bottle of scotch to help me on the way home. Its now sitting in the guards van in my very hour of need. Bollocks!He was quiet for a while and then started speaking again on a range of subjects some linked some not. I remember him saying. Im going to get to Pontypridd station at seven thirty and there are no trains or buses running until two in the afternoon. I phoned a butty of mine and asked him if hed come and pick me up. Feck off is what I had We were in stitches by now as his world weary delivery had struck a chord in us all.His coup de grace came however after he had picked up a discarded copy of the Sun newspaper. Wed all read it at some point and as was usual for the time there were articles about Princess Diana and Sarah Ferguson The Duchess of York. The Sun had proudly declared that because of their looks they were the envy of the known world. Well! Our new found friend peered over the top of the paper and said Have you read this? They must think were bloody stupid or something. Look at Diana. Shes got a nose like a woodpecker and feet like Olive Oyle. And look at that Fergie. Shes got a chin like Desperate Dan and an arse the size of a skip. That was it. We laughed ourselves to a standstill. Eventually however tiredness took over again and we all started to doze in fitful sleep.When travelling on a train like the Killer theres always a chance that something unusual will happen. This trip was no exception. At around a quarter to four somewhere in the vicinity of North Wales we were aware that there was some kind of disturbance at the rear of the train. We soon discovered that one of the local boneheads travelling with us, who went by the name of Archie, had partaken of a fiendish cocktail of drugs. This coupled with an almost pathological hatred of the Law had led said bonehead to confront the travelling police officer in the guards van. Ordinarily the officer would have dealt with the situation relatively quickly. However on this occasion the bonehead in question was threatening to pull the communication cord if he was so much as approached by the copper. His hand was on the cord in fact. This unavoidable reality and the inescapable truth that we were travelling at some 90 miles an hour meant that to do so would cause the trains occupants to suffer God knows what in the way of injuries. Fortunately we were in luck however, as travelling on a Sunday meant trains would be subject to any number of diversions because of track maintenance. Normally we would travel non stop back home but as fate would have it we pulled into Derby station twenty minutes after the bonehead had started his misbegotten actions. To our relief we last saw Archie being frog marched down the platform by a police constable and sergeant. Mental notes were made by all who knew him to have a quiet chat with the fellow when and if he returned to Treorchy. We assumed hed be put in a cell and charged but amazingly the police decided that they would have some fun at his expense and so they placed him under escort in another guards van on a train destined for Paddington station in west London at least another 200 miles in the wrong direction from Archies home. We wouldnt hear from him again until mid afternoon when he telephoned one of the local pubs begging for money and transport. Needless to say he was told to go forth and multiply. He arrived back in Treorchy on Monday night a great deal poorer and remorseful - which was just as well because people had been lining up in groups to give him a right royal welcome. As it was he only suffered a black eye and the loss of two teeth.We arrived back at Treorchy exactly 36 hours after wed left, swearing never to be so foolish as to venture north on such an odyssey again. However, two years is a very long time where rugby and booze are concerned and so it was that on the next occasion that Wales played Scotland at Murrayfield someone mentioned early on Friday evening before the day of the match Wouldnt it be a great idea if we all went to Scotland on The Killer ?