Forum Activity for @sian-northey

Sian Northey
@sian-northey
11/30/17 06:37:24AM
4 posts

Feeding the ducks


West Coast Eisteddfod Online Short Story Competition 2017


Feeding the ducks

He'd always imagined that he would be on the barricades. He was unsure what the cause would be exactly, but he would be on the barricades. On the side of whoever were the revolutionaries, but the side that would eventually win. Perhaps he would be injured. Not a serious injury. There would be blood, and bandages, and perhaps a short stay in hospital, or a field hospital. Yes, a field hospital and a dark eyed nurse.
            Cara's eyes were blue, a blue that was sometimes cheerful but more often than not were worried. Lately her eyes had been worried as she packed his lunch every morning and then filled the bucket with barley and corn.
            'Be careful. If there's any danger don't go. They're just ducks.'
            And he would try and explain that they were not just ducks. The park ducks were not ordinary ducks. There were Pekin ducks, and Mandarins, and Aylesburys and two Rouens. Though it was easy to mistake the Rouens for an ordinary Mallard. And there were Muscovys, that are neither duck nor goose. And geese, three kinds of geese. And one of the swans was still alive, and to his surprise the heron still visited occasionally, though he of course did not eat the corn. The heron would fly, low and clumsy, above the guns when there was not too much fighting and catch fish in the pond as it used to do and then return to the outskirts of the town to roost.
            Conor could hear the guns as he approached the park and he looked at his watch, worried that he was early. But the lieutenant, the one with red hair, saw him approaching and signalled to his men. His platoon, that were defending their temporary stronghold in the park, ceased firing, and then the soldiers who were shooting at them from the classically beautiful buildings opposite ceased firing.
            Conor walked up the barricades.
            'Ten minutes, no more,' warned the ginger lieutenant as he did every morning and then stepped aside to let Conor slip past with his bucket. The lieutenant lit a cigarette and watched the little man as he walked across the trampled grass towards the pond. He listened to him calling the birds.
            'Come girls, girls, girls. Come, girls. Come, girls.'
            Hearing the familiar chant the ducks and geese ventured from their hiding places in the reeds and in the shrubs. They gathered around Conor as he distributed the barley and the corn, scattering it widely so that each one, even the shy water hen, had their share. He smiled as he saw that Cara had put a few crusts in the bottom of the bucket, and then frowned as he noticed the unmoving whiteness under the azaleas. Quickly he walked across to the shrubs, his ten minutes were almost over, picked up the body and dropped it unceremoniously into the bucket leaving a few white feathers amongst the yellow primroses.
            The lieutenant noticed the contents of the bucket. 'I'm sorry,' he said as Conor squeezed back past him. He wished he'd noticed the duck before the little man had arrived, it would have made a meal for some of the men. But perhaps the little man and his family had more need for it. A shot rang out from one of the windows of the hotel opposite as the government soldiers noticed that Conor had left and was safely walking away along Gravel Street. There was no need for the ginger lieutenant to tell his men that they were now free to return fire.
            Conor listened to the guns and looked at the body in the bucket and wondered which side had killed the duck. If one of his ducks, one of the Council's ducks to be precise, but they were his ducks, if one of them had been killed by a government soldier firing into the park he also could be a hero by association. If the duck had been killed by one of the revolutionaries, well, such was war.
            He called in the office on the way home. He had to report that he had done as much work as was possible that day, as he had done every day since the trouble had started. If he did not do so there would be no pay at the end of the week. And they needed the money. There had been no overtime, no double time on a Sunday, since the day the trouble had started. He stayed in the office to eat his lunch with some of the others and then left, picking up the bucket he had placed by the door.
            As he walked home, past the brewery and the church and the canal, the white feathered body reproached him from the bottom of the bucket.
            'You didn't save us,' said the dead duck.
            And then it started to taunt him about other things.
            'You didn't climb to the top of the tree like the other boys.'
            'You were offered a college place weren't you?'
            He ignored it. He wished he had a lid for the bucket. Or at least a piece of sack to put over it. But it's voice would pass through sacking, it was that sort of voice.
            'And that time when the butcher put his hand on your wife's arse. You should have said something.'
            He quickened his pace and swung his arm backwards and forward in the hope that that would make her shut her beak.
            'Look at me will you. You've seen the wound and the blood haven't you? You should have done something to prevent this.'
            He was on the street where he lived by now, and his house, his and Cara's house, was at the far end, but he could see it. He was almost running. But he didn't reach the door in time.
            'And your mother? You should have protected your mother. If you had...'
            'Shut up! Shut your bloody mouth!'
            Two small children on their bikes stared in surprise at the man shouting at a bucket.
            'Sorry,' said Conor.
            He opened the door and stepped inside. Cara looked at his pale face and looked at the body in the bucket.
            'It's just a duck, Conor.'
            And then regretted it and put her arms around him.
            'Do you want to bury her in the garden?'
            He didn't answer.
            'Do you want to bury her in the garden with the others?'
            'No.'
            Conor passed the bucket bier to his wife.
            'Pluck her, roast her, make soup with the bones.'
            That night the skin on the breast was crispy, the meat was surprisingly tender and they both ate in companionable silence. By morning there was nothing left of the duck only a few bones simmering with an onion and a piece of carrot and a sprig of rosemary. The smell spread through the house, Cara filled the bucket with food for the birds, and Conor left for the park. After he had gone she wished that she'd washed the trace of blood from the bottom of the bucket.
            Conor went through the barricades as usual and called as usual.
            'Come, girls, girls. Come.'
            And then after feeding them he walked back to the barricades and put the bucket down on the floor. He looked the ginger lieutenant in the eye.
            'Do you have a gun for me?'
            The soldier looked at the little man. He was frail. He was as old as his grandfather. Possibly older.
            'And who would feed the ducks?' he asked.
            Conor shrugged. He didn't know who would feed the ducks if he fought, if he was killed.
            'It's important to feed the ducks,' said the soldier. 'We'll see you in the morning.'
           
Sian Northey
@sian-northey
11/29/17 08:23:23PM
4 posts

Code Switching


West Coast Eisteddfod Online Poetry Competition 2017


My lover is a linguist
and he's explained to me
about cyfnewid côd,
where you swap words for geiriau
and cymalau for phrases
and even, in a chandelier swinging
kinky, latex, lledr, threesome kind of way,
a whole sentence, brawddegau even,
for he rerenga kato
or adahabu hata tena
or even tsvey zatsn.
It is, he says, a proof of fluency,
of confidence,
of integration of cultures.
I listen
he talks
sometimes I understand him.
Sian Northey
@sian-northey
11/29/17 08:11:11PM
4 posts

Being a writer


West Coast Eisteddfod Online Poetry Competition 2017


In my bathroom there's a scrap of paper
passed from shirt pocket
to jeans pocket
to shelf above the washing machine.
It's torn from some workshop programme,
my notebook left at home,
and on it, scribbled quickly,
one sentence
said by that man I didn't know.
"A million years ago I played rugby in Vienna."
I wrote it
I keep it
because I know
that it's a door
to somewhere.
Sian Northey
@sian-northey
11/29/17 07:34:08PM
4 posts

Un tro...


West Coast Eisteddfod Online Short Story Competition 2017


Mi oeddwn i isio sgwennu stori erchyll. Stori fyddai'n codi gwallt eich pen chi, yn eich cadw'n effro'r nos ac yn gwneud i chi ddifaru eich bod chi 'rioed wedi prynu'r blydi cylchgrawn 'na. Ugain mlynedd ar ôl i chi ei brynu 'sa chi'n dal i ddifaru oherwydd fe fyddai'r llun y llwyddais i'w greu yn eich pen yn ailymddangos ar adegau. Fyddai ond angen i chi weld dyn ychydig yn wargrwm, ychydig byrrach na'r cyffredin neu wrth gwrs bâr o esgidiau cochion heb eu criau ac fe fyddai'r ias a'r ofn yn dechrau...
            Mae'r stori honno'n bod ond chewch chi 'mo'i darllen hi. Efallai na fyddai'r golygyddion, er mor fentrus oeddan nhw â'r cylchgrawn yn newydd, wedi'i chyhoeddi beth bynnag. Ond mi wnes i ei sgwennu hi. A'i hargraffu ar bapur (rhag ofn i dechnoleg newid). A'i rhoi mewn drôr. A phob rhyw ddwy neu dair blynedd byddwn yn ei thynnu o'r drôr, yn yfed joch reit dda o wisgi, ac yn ei darllen. Ei darllen yn ddistaw wrtha fi fy hun wrth gwrs. Does gen i neb i wrando ar fy storïau. Ddim bellach. Dyna pam ges i gymaint o sioc neithiwr. Mi oeddwn i wedi tywallt y wisgi i'r gwydryn. Jura, pymtheg oed; roedd o wedi'i ostwng yn yr archfarchnad. Ta waeth, tydi hynny ddim yn berthnasol; roedd y wisgi yn y gwydryn a'r stori ar y bwrdd. Roeddwn i'n credu bod y drws wedi'i gloi ond mae'n rhaid nad oedd o. Tasa'r drws wedi'i gloi fysa fo ddim wedi gallu dod i mewn yn na fysa? Os nad oeddwn i wedi anghofio cau ffenest y lle chwech. Neu os nad...
            "Well i chdi gael hwn yn ôl."
            A dyma fo'n gosod goriad ar y bwrdd o fy mlaen. Goriad yn crogi oddi ar gylch ac eliffant bach rwber yn sownd wrth y cylch. Goriad yr oeddwn i wedi'i golli flynyddoedd yn ôl. Eisteddodd y dyn yn y gadair arall wrth y bwrdd, gyferbyn â fi. Doeddwn i heb ddweud gair.
            "Dw i heb golli'r dechra yn naddo?" gofynnodd. Mi oedd o'n gwrtais, doedd yna ddim byd bygythiol amdano. Nid o ran corffolaeth o leia. Roedd o'n eistedd yna'n amlwg yn disgwyl i mi ddechrau darllen. Estynnais am y goriad ac edrych yn fanwl arno. Ia, fy hen un i oedd o.
            "Lle gawsoch chi hwn?"
            "Mi oeddwn i y tu ôl i chi. Ond mi ydw i wedi bod y tu ôl i chi y rhan fwyaf o'r amser wrth gwrs."
            Oedodd am ennyd ac yna ychwanegu, "Fi a'r lleill." Bron nad oedd o fel petai am fod yn deg, ddim isio i mi feddwl ei fod o'n bwysicach na'r lleill. Pwy bynnag oedd y lleill. Cymerais joch reit dda o'r wisgi.
            "Isio clywed y stori 'da chi?"
            "Ia. Dw i'n sylweddoli nad ydi hyn yn arfer digwydd, mai fi ydi'r unig un mwya tebyg, ond..."
            Roedd o'n ymddiheuro am rywbeth, ond wyddwn i ddim be. Edrychais arno'n fwy gofalus. Roedd ganddo lygaid gleision. Mae llygaid gleision i fod yn llawn direidi ac yn llawn cariad. Ond doedd yna ddim byd ond tristwch ac ofn yn y rhain.
            "Adewa i lonydd i chi ar ôl i mi glywed y stori," meddai, ac yna eistedd yno'n dawel a disgwylgar. Doedd gen i ddim dewis rhywsut. Dechreuais ddarllen y stori'n uchel. Doeddwn i heb ddarllen y stori'n uchel erioed o'r blaen, roedd ei darllen hi'n ddistaw wrtha fi fy hun yn ddigon drwg.
            Dechreuais yn betrus. Tydw i ddim yn un da am ddarllen fy ngwaith yn uchel. Mae’n gas gen i wneud mewn lansiadau a ballu. Dw i’n teimlo’n ffuantus, fel pe bawn i’n trio fy ngorau i wneud i rwtsh swnio’n well nag ydio. Awdur ydw i, nid dramodydd nac actor. Ond mi oedd gen i gynulleidfa ddelfrydol neithiwr.   Gwrandawai’r dyn yn astud, ond gan anadlu’n sydyn weithiau wrth i mi gyrraedd darn arbennig o erchyll o’r stori. Er nad oeddwn yn edrych arno gallwn ei deimlo’n fferru wrth i mi gyrraedd y darn yn y stori lle mae’r dyn yn dechrau toddi, yn dechrau datgymalu, yn dechrau diflannu. Y darn lle mae'n rhaid iddo gael gafael ar rywbeth diriaethol i'w glymu wrth rywbeth yn y byd hwn. Mae o'n deall bod rhaid iddo gael gafael ar gortyn neu raff neu rywbeth felly. Er mai fi sgwennodd y stori tydw i ddim yn siŵr iawn be sy’n digwydd iddo fo. Hanner ffordd trwy'r darn yna mi oeddwn i mor ymwybodol bod y dyn oedd yn eistedd gyferbyn a fi’n cael ei ddychryn nes i mi dewi ar ganol brawddeg.
            “Da chi isio i mi stopio?”
            “Oes. Nag oes. Daliwch ati. Mae’n rhaid i chi ddal ati. Mae’n rhaid i mi ei chlywed hi i gyd.”
            Tywalltais fwy o wisgi i mi fy hun. Oedais am ennyd ac yna cynnig wisgi i’r dieithryn. Wnaeth o ddim ateb, dim ond ysgwyd ei ben. Ailddechreuais ddarllen, er fy mod, fel bob tro cynt pan oeddwn i'n darllen y stori, yn casáu gwneud. Roeddwn wedi cyrraedd y darn lle dw i’n disgrifio’r boen. Y boen gorfforol wrth gwrs, ond hefyd y boen feddyliol wrth i’r cymeriad sylweddoli y gall fod yn gadael pawb a phopeth ac yn sylweddoli popeth arall hefyd, yn sylweddoli…
            Edrychais ar y gwyneb gwelw gyferbyn â fi. Roedd dagrau yn powlio’n ddistaw i lawr ei wyneb. Oedais eto, ond gwnaeth rhyw ystym bychan brysiog â’i law i fy annog i ddal ati i. Llyncais fwy o wisgi ac ail ddechrau darllen. Er bod y darn mwyaf erchyll o’r stori eto i ddod roeddwn yn tynnu at y terfyn. Dim ond y darn lle mae’r prif gymeriad yn datod ei gareiau ac yn eu tynnu’n rhydd o’i esgidiau, yr esgidiau cochion yr oedd o’n meddwl y byd ohonynt, oedd ar ôl. Mae o angen y criau er mwyn trio rhwystro’r peth, y peth 'na sy'n… Ac yna ar ôl hynny roedd diwedd y stori. Y diwedd lle nad ydi dewrder na chria sgidia na dim byd arall yn gallu ei achub. Wrth i mi ddweud y geiriau olaf daw ochenaid o ochr arall y bwrdd.
            Dw i’n hanner gwenu ar y dyn ar ôl gorffen, ac yna'n rhythu mewn syndod ar fy ngwydryn gwag. Doeddwn i ddim yn cofio gorffen y wisgi. Dw i'n tywallt rhyw fodfedd arall i’r gwydryn, ac mae’r dieithryn yn codi ar ei draed a dechrau cerdded i ffwrdd. Wrth iddo anelu at y drws, fel petai’n mynd i adael heb ddweud gair, mae’n baglu. Dw i’n edrych i lawr, yn meddwl efallai ei fod wedi baglu dros rhywbeth yr oeddwn i wedi’i adael ar y llawr, ac adeg honno dw i’n gweld ei esgidiau. Esgidiau cochion heb gria.
            Mae o bron a chyrraedd y drws. Dw i'n codi ar fy nhraed.
            'Arhoswch.'
            Mae o'n oedi am ennyd ond yna'n dal ati i gerdded oddi wrtha i.
            'Arhoswch,' medda fi eto. 'Plîs.'
            Dw i'n codi, yn camu tuag ato, yn meddwl gafael yn ei fraich, ac eto...
            Mae o fel petae o'n cofio am ennyd bod angen bod yn gwrtais ac mae'n troi tuag ata i.
            'Diolch,' medda fo. Ddim mwy na hynny.
            'Pwy yda chi?'
            Mae'r hanner gwen drist 'na yn ymddangos eto.
            'Da chi'n gwbod pwy ydw i.'
            Ac mi ydw i'n sylweddoli fy mod i wrth gwrs yn gwbod pwy ydi o. Wedi'r cyfan fi creodd o. Am wn i.
            'Ok, ok. Ddim pwy. Pam?'
            'Oherwydd bod angen ein rhyddhau ni.'
            'Ni?'
            'Fi a phawb arall yn y stori. Mae hi'n stori dda gyda llaw. Efallai y byddan nhw wedi'i chyhoeddi hi.'
            Dw i'n sylweddoli os y gall o ymddangos yn fy nhŷ, y gall rhai o gymeriadau eraill y stori ymweld â fi, ac mae'r syniad yn gwneud i mi deimlo'n sâl. Wedi'r cyfan, hwn, â'i ymdrech ofer i achub ei hun â chria sgidia, oedd y boi da. Mae'n rhaid bod fy ofn yn amlwg ar fy ngwyneb, ac mae o fel petai o'n gallu darllen fy meddwl.
            'Mae popeth yn iawn. Ddaw 'na neb arall i ymweld â chi. Mi yda ni i gyd yn rhydd rŵan. Mi alla i deimlo hynny.'
            Mae o'n amlwg ar bigau drain i adael, ond dw i angen gwybod mwy.
            'Plîs? Dw i ddim yn deall.'
            Mae o fel petai'n esbonio wrth blentyn. Plentyn dwl. Plentyn sydd wedi trio gwneud rhywbeth na ddylai plentyn ei wneud.
            'Da ni mewn limbo, mewn purdan, rwbath felly. Da ni'n gaeth i'r awdur. Doeddan ni ddim yn siŵr os y byswn i'n cyfri, gan fy mod i yn y stori....'
            Dw i dal ddim yn siŵr os ydw i wedi deall ei esboniad. Yn fras, ac ydw, dw i'n gwbod bod hyn yn swnio'n hurt bost, ond doeddach chi ddim yna neithiwr, roedd o'n honni bod cymeriadau yn gaeth i awdur hyd nes bod darllenydd neu wrandawr wedi'u rhyddhau. I'r rhai sydd mewn stori neu nofel orffenedig mae'n brofiad ofnadwy iddynt.             Wnaeth o ddim ymhelaethu ynglyn â'r profiad. Dim ond gwenu arna i am y tro olaf, a cherdded, â'r sgidiau yn fflit fflatian yn union fel y gwnes i eu disgrifio, allan trwy'r drws. Caeodd y drws ar ei ôl ac fe es inna i eistedd o flaen sgrin wag.