Coal Miner's Daughter - The Mabinogi goes to Merthyr Tydfil

Three Word Story Repository

Started by mona everett on October 22, 2009 at 9:42 am in Three Word Story Group<

---

Coal Miner's Daughter -The Mabinogi goesto Merthyr TydfilLloretta Llynn found three black diamonds sitting on a bus in Aberystwyth. These will make nice song titles for the coal miners’ male choir who drink milk stout mixed with laxatives and benzedrine and "performance" enhancers to make them gay and carefree nutters from Wales on the raz. However, it backfired. A problem arose and medical intervention prevented them from buying enough corks to make root-beer to soak their toasted cheese butties. "What will happen?" Remember the riots? Everyone went mad!! So they went singing in harmony with weapons drawn on great canvases in charcoal black.

Lloretta cleaned her front steps before beginning to sing "Sexbomb" -backwards with high, chiming ululations. Buckets in hand, and Wellington boots at the ready, she spake thus: "There's coal aplenty; come and see, two a ha'penny, coating the valleys.

"Meanwhile, back at Aberystwyth bus station, strange rumblings began within the bowels of the vehicles, their carburetors pumping. The gaffer announced, “Waiting for the big bang to . . . (according to scientists) . . . start his engines. My gherkins are frozen waiting for the sun to rise!” . . . He opened the can of worms . . . “Could be never-ending, this nonsense!

”Starting afresh, he practiced his juggling. Fists gyrating tomatoes he juggled expertly. Unable to follow, my eyes behold he dropped one! The room emptied.

“Out of order!” said those present.

But the aroma was like roses. It reminded him of juggles past their incalculable prime -acidy, steam-like, green. Bug infested viperous tool that was rarely seen! Rarely came across as enchanting, alluring or, heaven forbid, 'useful'!

Soft tomatoes fell by their dozens when the engine began to backfire. Pips shot everywhere; people shrieked, covering their children's eyes to avoid the rain of seeds and green onions! What a lot of drama for a collier's offspring. Lumps of coal between two ears, her coal-black eyes matched her fingernails and foot soles -and dark soul.

And then suddenly, she bared her impressive firm and exotic white curvaceous teeth -made of finest Welsh chalcedony laced with anthracite and English mercury, and sank them with one clean 'Snap!' deep into the string-cheese maker's Fromage des Merdes-aged to perfection compared to Caerphilly (Caws o Cymru), American Wisconsin limburger, and Penclawdd cockles. (The) Cheese maker gasped.

“Clutched cuckoo eggs are ready to mix into this mess, for a coalminer's favourite meal is Caws Wedi Pobi -with extra cheese! Don't mind the teeth marks on Les oeufs d'ur", Welsh Chef cried.

“Where's the Spam?” said the coalminer, grabbing his tool and swinging it at the string-cheese with 24one complete half axle; then, screaming in pain attempted the other.

Thus it ended . . . broken but happy -but nevertheless jubilant.

Lloretta's father decided on the shotgun with both barrels pointed and ready! Chef''d 'porked' Lloretta! Now she was an old bride; dirty as slag, and knocked up, with holes in stocking toes and sagging breasts! Poor Lloretta, so undesired by Welshmen -but loved by Butcher Hollow's miners!

All of them, and Opry cowboys led by Roy Rogers,rode towards sunset.

updated by @mona-everett: 12/13/15 08:12:18PM

The Hitherto Lost Canine Branch of the Mabinogi: Gracie, daughter of Gelert

Three Word Story Repository

 

---

Woe is me...Will someone flush the tank with out flushing the last remaining pup or at least cast a spell so moat drains into the river. And so began another strange tale. Gracie dragged herself from the moat coat dripping wet before the lifeboat emerged from the mists of time. Pulling in close to the shore, the waves began rolling, churning, spraying. Gracie whined unhappily, "All is lost".

With the exception that someone, somewhere,wants beagle cuteness and a pint of beagle pee in exchange I'll dance a tango with a plum up my nose preparing for a Scottish bagpipe to be inserted into the correct place. Nasty stuff, this plum is mouldy! It's plum moldy! We'll have to make some penicillin or plum jam for the English to clean their horse brass hangings.

The tango began with ‘Dawnsio gwerin’. The Baptists protested and started running in rhythm with the dangly bits of the Methodists in their mouths. Effortlessly, he then chewed it small and spit it into the collection of rare orchids where they rotted.

Whilst singing ‘Myfanwy’ on Swansea pier, into rolling waves they cast their lines of best nets, expecting to catch a mermaid with golden locks -and silver keys! Waves came crashing over his enormous broad hairy shoulders, and boats splintered on his enormous replica of a fat head, like craggy wet rocks covered in black layers of seaweed (aka, in Wales: slimy pungent lavabread) and pink sprinkles of Welsh Lamb with little holes -nearly edible now, but nearly tasting like Welsh lutefisk. Whatever you say!“

Pass the sauce and shut up! Pass the ammunition -with plenty of lovely castor oil for shotgun barrels. Take yourself, privately, and do it! Shoot that bitch!” "You shoot yourself!”

He attached the bayonet. Gracie bit down, shook until the barrels jerked and monkeys tumbled. Parrots lost their right to talk.

Jimmy Buffet sang about Jolly Mons and Polly -about an hour before gulping a marguerite laced with Welsh sea salt -spluttering, as Gracie sailed down the bar, barking and belching. Owain gagged on plenty of cwrw, pulling his hair and scratching his crotchety corgi Carwyn, whilst undoing hispuffy pink pantaloons (regifted by 'Brokeback Madog’ last Christmas) wrapped in dragon themed tissue paper -in perforated rolls from ty bach -10c a sheet!

Then, Gracie ran like the wind for a penny to the nearest hydrant where she sniffed the red hose along its length and sighed contentedly as the fire-engine, clanging noisily, arrived, soaking Gracie wet by the leaking bag of oil Welsh Chef dropped when the pigs started to fly in pink vapours emanating from Brokeback.

Then suddenly, Gracie began to sing barking dog songs -'A Siren's Song'in e-flat minor. Thus it ended!

Seven coracles crashed on the third ululation, scattering bird guano (pigeon poop) onto the pasties filled with some "Chef’s Surprise" –ground Pryderi pig particles purchased fresh from the German Butcher, ‘V R Bratwursts’established in Munich-on-Avon in 1374, petrified German pepperoni laced with French mustard seeds and Walla Walla onions and Welsh mountain 'guess whose' whelks marinaded with Penclawdd  cockles!

Gracie ravenously selected her best silverplated doggie dish -nicely coated with Welsh Chef's concoctions dressed with raw eggs and pork garnished with kibbles -and began feasting; -alas, salmonella struck!

updated by @mona-everett: 12/13/15 02:03:48PM

Brokeback Mabinogi, or Madog gets in touch with his feminine side - COMPLETE ( Archived )

Three Word Story Repository

Brokeback Mabinogi, or Madog gets in touch with his feminine side - COMPLETE

Posted by mona everetton November 1, 2009 at 4:43pm in Three Word Story Group

 

Replies are closed for this discussion.

Replies to This Discussion

Update to the story - from prior update in July

Peeling down tights and missing his opportunity to 'moon' at his own ridiculous monstrosity of pink ungirdled buttocks, he yodeled alluringly at passing corvettes - until his pink pharyngeal flap froze - before a second band of yellow irate bees circled his black and yellow cummerbund.

Madog, being allergic to anything male, veered widely of the nightclub's bouncer without any thought
for the feathery chicks on his patent leather pumps.

"Dahh-ling!" Galactica warbled, "You look mah-velous! I love your feathery constricting boa! Ah must have a closer look.”

Suddenly, Madog slapped his leather strap on Galactica's cheeks, making him cry with a sadistic wink and wiggle and especially well-placed smacker on his reddening and quivering nosetip. Other Androgynes

updated by @mona-everett: 12/14/15 06:06:48PM

The Fantastical Blue Bovine of Caergybi (Archived Complete)

Three Word Story Repository

 

Started by Mona Everett on September16, 2009 at 4:47 pm in Three Word Story Group

---

The Fantastical Blue Bovine of Caergybi

It came to a rest upon streets of concrete searching for bulls or accommodating passersby. Our heroine realized 'twas market day and Ifans tarw was $7.99/lb. A rare breed in Cardigan market...more rare than Cardiganshire financial prudence!

She mourned his loss, loudly mooing "Please don't eat the stewing steak try the chicken it's free range..., a healthy choice." The sun shining over Gardigan Bay an unusual sight with autumn coming and leaves falling on the breeze and Dafydds' chickens reproducing like rabbits while roaming free on Ffosyffin common all made Blodeuwedd play air ukelele like a violin virtuoso in the darker musical arts of Hogwarts school

"Et tu, Severus?"

Blodeuwedd hoofed it down to Spar's for two cans of Brains cwrw on the way from Cardiff Brewery. She drank heavily and slyly vomited behind the hedges as she went. A pig commented "Who was that? Left us breakfast?" Cold oysters quivered in a sauce of brandy wine. Let's dig in to this delicious flavoured laver bread scented with groins ... I found truffles, truffles and loins amidst other Welsh delectable delights of teisen lap.

Surprise! In the corner, from his enormous percolating passion pod aboard SS Starbuck on the Teifi a big kerfuffle developed into a major international incident. Strong men fainted. Fifteen ferocious forwards finally funneled Felinfoel. Through the smallest valleys outside, half fainted in fright; others feigned fright, but Ianto didn't. He stood up amidst the prostrate. That's my cow in the mire! Mair, my cow! Ianto, clutching his “Grimpen dear Holmes?”, gyda ei law, frantically strumming ‘Banjo’, the sheep dog. Funny name..... ‘Banjo’, mused Ianto, strumming ‘Bashing the bishop’.

Mrs. Griffiths leaned on the bishop, pinching his lupins saying, "What a strange situation, bishop! How's yer father?”

Ianto, interceding, said “All is lost!” “All? Who's lost??" The rugby ball was wedged into a black hole of Calcutta proportions. Loud howls began as it dilated, blowing out wind. The very unfortunate town of Llandeilo abandoned its hopes of soup de jour. But instead, menu collections included pips and neti pots served cool with Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch pickled ferrets.

The glass cow is fragile and a little headstrong and throws stones, but nevertheless is . . . The washboard king sang his song whilst playing with his barbells, showing his considerably grand recepticles while chewing on brussels sprouts mixed with Welsh cockles and oysters. Madame Griffiths flexed her large extraordinary muscular, hairy arms - and large men - and continued doing her makeup while Llapgoch fighters flew on the wing.

Blodeuwedd wanted milking so the farmer gripped her firmly. Orgasmically she weeeeeeeeeeeen't whilst he tenderly crooned a tuneless, unmelodic and painful symphony for bovines on a Welsh bagpipe from Pennard. Blodeuwedd mooed harmoniously using a tiptronic, which is painful if administered improperly! However, her next trick was incredible; she actually danced ‘Dawns y glocsen’ while mooing carefully, milking machine attached carefully to each big round teat.

There's no justice! Whilst handling his farm chores, Evans quoted legal cases!

Whilst still dancing a frisky reel, clogs a blur, both brooms crossed light of foot, but heavy heart, he danced between two big cows. The cow collapsed in a waltz, sending milk spraying over Evans' large metal turnstile. The hinges gradually creaked to Addams Family hammy sound effects, 'Turnstile of Dreams', adding suspense to the original bovine its glass fracturing, mooing and snorting, its hoof scratching red poppy, spreading a brief tattoo on his rump. He scratched his roast USDA Prime and spake thusly, “Spare me some ribs” , twitched an eyebrow and ordered T-bone marinaded with jam and cheese topped with Celtic string cheese designs – ‘know’, and ‘how’. To accompany this, he guzzled cider.

“Thus it ended – again”, he replied. Little did he expect udder comments, but he milked continuously until his stool popped out, tumbled head over heels into the lake of yoghurt forming around Blodeuwedd's chocolate shop and swam miraculously to the Bunny Planet . . . under marmalade skies .. . with sticky humidity and silently concluded he couldn't write and chew gum and recite the story’s imminent end.

---

updated by @mona-everett: 12/15/15 01:43:35AM

Welsh Actress looking to cross the pond! please help <3

Promoting Wales in the USA

Hello,

Go to the Chicago Tafia Facebook page and contact Dave Parry. The Tafia's original purpose was to help ex-pats with immigration. He should have lots of ideas.

Pub lwc!

Mona

Competition: Unique Tour of North Wales - Win a Place For Two on the AmeriCymru North Wales Tour

American Welsh History

Frank Lloyd Wright.

British English vs. American English. Is There a Difference? Give us your thoughts.

General Discussions ( Anything Goes )

solicitor--lawyer/attorneyWhat do they call someone who sells door to door in the UK (in US, it's a solicitor (or door-to-door salesman), but I want the UK word for the US solicitor)?biro--pencil

British English vs. American English. Is There a Difference? Give us your thoughts.

General Discussions ( Anything Goes )

Oh, and though pesky extra 'u's':colour--colorfavour--favoretc.

British English vs. American English. Is There a Difference? Give us your thoughts.

General Discussions ( Anything Goes )

And to pronounce 'mobile'--

UK--mo-BY-el

US--Mo-BULL

Alabama--Mo--BEEL

One of those sz/swords--organizatio/organisation

Oh, and don't forget:

plaster--bandaid

pudding--??? fruitcake is as close as I can come, but they are not the same thing

jelly--jello (I think)

British English vs. American English. Is There a Difference? Give us your thoughts.

General Discussions ( Anything Goes )

I wasthinkingabout that gaff as I was trying to go to sleep last night, SJ!