Recently Rated:
Stats
Blogs: 28
Diary of a Crap Wife: The Adventures of Mr Mole (I Wrote a Song for You)
Had a lovely lie in this morning and Husband brought me tea in bed. I love Saturdays. Im in a great mood- despite the fact that hes unwilling to break, I love having him home with me and like nothing more than spending time with him. Husband, miraculously, says he feels the same.
Im in annoying over-drive today and have spent nearly an hour making noises that irritate him. My favourites to dates are baby crying and the ever popular
Noingnoingnoingnoingnoingnoingnoingnoingnoing.
Husband as usual is in unshakable mode.
Thats a nice song, did you write it?
Yeah I did actually, I wrote it for you because I love you so much. I also wrote Candle in the
Windregardless of what Elton John says. I sent it to him anonymously because I didnt want to be famous, you know, cause Im shy and stuff.
Youre very clever wife, what did I do to deserve someone like you?
Something really good probably, like winning a Peace prize or inventing Xbox.
About two weeks after we moved into this house we woke to find our lush green lawn had erupted in muddy earth explosions. Husband assured me that no, this wasnt the work of Al-Qaeda, and that it was more likely we had a mole than a terrorist cell operating in the garden. I remained unconvinced until Husband became obsessed with the creature and woke me at 4am every day to join him on a reconnaissance mission. For nearly a week we were up at stupid oclock being still and quiet waiting for the mole to show its furry face. On the seventh day, I was forced to admit that the culprit did look more like a mole than Osama Bin Laden, however, I stand firm, the similarity is uncanny.
Husband was dismissive of my suggestions to phone the Army and opted instead for a more home-guard approach. While I was looking in the yellow-pages for the boss of the Paratroopers, Husband was ordering a humane mole trap from Amazon. Surprisingly, the mole trap arrived before Regimental HQ in Hampshire returned my call.
This was nearly a month ago, and the mole has long since moved on, Husband assures me that he was not harmed and simply wanted a change of scenery. I'm pleased that I dont have to get up and stare at grass at 4am anymore.
Since this little blip, Husband has been painstakingly planting grass seed and manicuring the green, green grass of home. Hes nursed the battlefield back to health and healed the scars it once bore. Im so proud of him.
I was up at four this morning. Like a Paratrooper on leave creeping out of an ugly birds bedroom, I stealthily went to the garden. Silently I moulded compost into mole-hill shaped mounds and deposited them onto the lawn. The mole managed to break husband, and Im not being beaten by a fucking rodent.
YOU CAN ADD CRAPWIFE ON FACEBOOK BY SEARCHING FOR Daily CrapWife OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER @CrapWife
Brilliant, thanks Ceri, I'll have a go! I love any excuse to write something.
Talking of books etc. Have you thought of submitting an entry to the West Coast Eisteddfod short story competition. There is a cash prize and the possibility of publication in an anthology by a Welsh publisher. Here is the url:- http://americymru.net/group/weftcoasteisteddfodlosangelescalifornia2011shortst
They're really fabulous, I'm having one!
Mona, those mugs are incredible, I must, must have one! Ordering as we speak! xx
Thanks Gaabi- love having the feedback and am so pleased you like it! Yes, I'm definitely angling for a book- I can dream, eh? I'm terrible at replying at the moment... preparing for my mother in law's visit- and lots of gardening! Funny you should say about the lawn Gaabi, I had this exact conversation with her yesterday, she thinks that lawn is a waste of space too! Just writing up the latest blog.... wait til you see what's happened to the bloody lawn now.
Link to buy Mole Voice Choir mugs: http://www.msmugs.com/acatalog/info_414.html
I bought mine in Betws-y-Coed, but they only had one, so I had to order another from the web for my friend in the Bangor Choir.
lol, swansea!
That was, once again, hilarious! When you get enough, like 100 or so, you should do a book!
Mona, I love that cup, I want one. And moles aren't evil, they're good and useful critters that turn over the earth and eat grubs and stuff. I encourage them in my yard but then I hate grass and consider it useless. Poor Ceri, classic Brit married to an Oregonian - we want a little moss-covered hovel under big trees, surrounded by whatever grows there naturally, moss and fungus are good, he trying to move my parents and I to having - gasp - a lawn! He unable to understand why we don't want grass and prefer pine needles and weeds - just think it's more interesting
No one ever knows what you're on about SJ.