During the height of the Cold War the former Soviet Union and the United States participated, albeit at arm's length, in a carefully choreographed but deadly waltz called Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD). Each side stockpiled vast arsenals of weaponry capable of destroying the other many times over. I am old enough to remember those drills in elementary school when we were asked to get on our knees and put our heads under our desks for "protection." We may have been "just children" but we weren't stupid. But, we "went along" with this adult ruse because anything was better than doing arithmetic.
Taking precaution against or even targeting a deadly foe in advance is understandable. But, after the Cold War was over, manymilitaryanalysts were quite surprised when they discovered that the USSR had been pointing asizableportion of its nuclear arsenal not at the USA but at...Germany!
The colossalstruggle which took place during World War II between the Third Reich and the Soviet Union, along with all the associated atrocities, the millions upon millions of dead, the very ferocity of " The Great Patriotic War," as the Soviets called it, was seared deeply in the Russian Psyche. Someanalystseven to go so far as to say that the USSR feared a revived Germany more than they did their counterpart in the America.
Moreover, fear and suspicion of the German nation is still alive and well to this very day. And it is not just limited to former Eastern Bloc nations.
But, I wonder? Is all that fear of the dreaded Hun still justified?
Fast forward: Visit a men's restroom in modern day Germany, raise the toilet seat and you may just hear the disembodied voice of former Chancellor Helmet Kohl asking you to lower the toilet seat back to its former position then choosing rather to sit and pee. The German government even has a word for it. It's called Sitzpinkler [one who sits to pee] . German school boys are taught that they should avoid being a Stehpinker [one who stands and pees] which is antisocial and that they should choose, rather, to become a Sitzpinkler .
Don't believe me? Read this: http://ning.it/ZPRdnx
Social change is usually accepted more easily by children and the young. But can any government do about these stubborn, regressive adult men? Well, social change takes time, and, as might be expected, sometimes it takes a wee bit of cajoling. Hence, the former chancellor of Germany was asked to help bring this necessary change to male social behavior. While it may not bepoliticallycorrect, German health officials apparently gave some serious thought to whether or not adult German males might respond with less resistance to a male chancellor asking them to sit and pee rather than the current female chancellor. After careful consideration Chancellor Angela Merkel was passed over for this important task. I know it's a bit sexist but health officials concluded, rightly or wrongly, that this job was best done by a man. There are some things that women just aren't as good at! Even a powerful 21st century woman who is the head of state.
So how can they pull this off? Through education and technology of course!
First they put up signs in bathrooms asking men to sit and pee. But someone pointed out that neanderthal men may be not to able to read. So government officials decided to take it step further by using a disembodied voice, aptly called a Spuk (or spook), which is a device that, like an iPhone, can detect whether or not it is in a horizontal or vertical position. Don't tell the Germans, but when news of this reaches Cupertino a lawsuit may be in the making. Anyway the device is attached to the bottom of a toilet seat:
When the seat is raised the chancellor immediately speaks out asking the stubborn male to lower the toilet seat back to its former position then sit down to pee. In a public toilet other patrons can hear the chancellor's voice ring out too, so that they can stare down or shun the antisocial thug emerging from a toilet stall having ignored the chancellor's pleas.
From all accounts this campaign has been very successful and supporters are now urging for its exportation elsewhere. And it may happen. However, I can honestly say that I don't think it would work very well here [in the Midwest] because so few of us speak German.
Nevertheless, I think that these new policies should go a long ways towards persuading Russia and the rest of the world that Germany has really, really, genuinely changed and that it is no longer a threat to be feared.
Still not convinced?
AmeriCymru readers are aware of some the differences in American English and British English. For instance, Americans say "cell phone" while in the UK the term "mobile phone" ispreferred.
But do you know what they call a cell phone or a mobile phone in Germany? They call it "mein [my] Handy." As in, "Has anyone seen 'mein Handy?'" Or, "I seem to have misplaced 'mein Handy.'" Or, "Where is mein Handy?"
How much more proof do you need?
I once read an article claiming that former First Lady, Lady Bird Johnson, once confided to afriendthat her husband, President Lyndon Baines Johnson, had been using the rose garden just outside the Oval Office to relieve himself instead of walking a few steps farther to his private toilet. Pretty embarrassing! The President of the United States, a Stehpinker, standing outside behind a rose bush! Of course, when you think about it, a rose bush would have to be last place ever that one would choose to be a Sitzpinkler.
updated by @harold-powell: 12/17/15 11:35:25PM
