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Husband is completely over his illness andI almost wish he was sick again because the whistling and general cheerfulness is ruining my mood.
Nothing I say or do seems to be denting his demeanour, its like living with Ant and fucking Dec.
My mood isn't great because my pool arrived today.
I say pool as though its some watery oasis ofmosaickedcharm, its not. It looks to be made of bluetarpaulinand tent poles. Still, itll do the do job. When I decided that I wanted a pool I wasnt unrealistic about the restrictions of budget and space- I knew I wasnt going to be able to have a free form pool dug into the ground or even an above ground one encased in smooth Swedish looking wood... Why then am I so disappointed?
Because I didnt expect it to look like a paddling pool, is why.
When I looked at the pictures online, there was a woman pictured tit height in water with her Husband and 2.4 children. It is clear to me now that these werent real people, or if they were, then they must have been bollocky midgets because theres no way that that this water will come past my kn-ankles, let alone my jubblies.
I dont even think therell be room for me to wear my arm bands and I know for a fact that the inflatable hippo with drinks holder is a no-go. Husband is more positive than me.
Itll be nice, you watch- well fill it with warmishwater and put potted plants around it.
Id rather die that be seen in that.
Come on, give it a chance, all you wanted it for was floating and reading in anyway.
Id rather die than be seen in that.
Ill set it up and see how it looks, right?
Id rather die that be seen in that.
While watching Husband hammer away at assembling our new pool I am reminded how much I love him- a lot. There is nothing he wouldnt do to make me happy and hes constantly trying to think up new ways to impress me.Unfortunately, the pool still looks shit, but I'm going to lie and say I'm grateful for his efforts.
I head outside to relay this but Husband starts speaking first:
Meant to say Wife, your singing yesterday was brilliant, you should start a band.
Sarky little bastard.

Yeah, I know, I was going to actually.

I think youd be really brilliant babe. You should definitely start a band. You should do it and then go on X Factor.
Sarky little bastard.

Does he honestly think Im stupid enough to parade my rotting vocal chords on telly and humiliate myself by sounding like Mariah Carey getting raped?
Babe, Im being serious, you were brilliant, you should do it, you should sing that REM song that you practiced yesterday. Theyd love it.
Sarky little bastard.

He does not know who hes messing with.
On a separate note: Something very weird has happened; The front door lock has been filled with chewing gum. I have no idea who would commit such a wanton act of vandalism but suspect the robbers who stole Husbands clothes may be to blame. In truth, it is but a minor inconvenience, my cousin will be able to fix it next week when hes back from holidays. In the meantime, any visitors can use the back gate which will give them a lovely view of our garden and swimming pool, so no real hardship.
On another unrelated note: Friday is going to be a very busy day for me. I am meeting an artist, and we will be discussing illustrations for the blog- Ill be gone all day, so sadly, Husband shall be spending the first day of his 3 day weekend alone.
Advert:
POOL CLEANER REQUIRED:
Single man with learning difficulties requires pool boy to take over maintenance of garden pool. Must be young, enthusiastic and reliable. Client suffers from frequent short term memory loss & needs someone who is sensitive and patient. Client also partially deaf, Will be necessary to speak louder than is usual when interacting. Excellent rates of pay, health and dental insurance, holiday entitlement and use of vehicle provided. Contact ###### (carer) on: tel.########### to arrange an interview, or attend interview open day on Friday 8 th , April between 1-6pm.
Advert:
****DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?****
********** BAND AUDITIONS: ***********
Music producer requires 4 piece boy band for reality TV show. Auditions to be held at private address, pls note entire process will be filmed by hidden cameras. Do you know how 'not to take NO for an answer'?- Only most determined & confident artists need apply and we have designed our audition process to find them. Dress to impress and remember, you are on camera from start to finish- DO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER...make sure you stand out.
Audition Open day 18/04/2011 2-7pm at ## ######## ##, ##### #####, #####, ###### email: ############@gmail.com
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Jude Johnson is a writer with a passion for historical research and details. She has studied the Welsh languageCymraegenough to order beer, swear, order pancakes, and ask for the facilities. Trips to Britain to capture the cadence of the melodic Welsh accent and attitude allowed her to infuse her Welsh immigrant characters with realism. AmeriCymru interviewed Jude about her recent novel Dragon & Hawk published by Champagne Books in April 2011. Read our review of 'Dragon & Hawk' here


front cover detail dragon & hawk by jude johnson AmeriCymru: Hi Jude and many thanks for agreeing to be interviewed by AmeriCymu. What first attracted you to writing?

Jude: Firstly, thank you so much for your invitation for this interview. I write because of number-phobia. Im allergic to math, especially differential calculus. I add two and two and wind up with seven, so I had to write quite a few of those explain yourself answers Actually, I was an independent reader at age three (so Im told) and I developed a voracious appetite to read everything I could get my hands oncereal boxes, junk mail, encyclopedias. People who love to read often write as well, but may not necessarily want to share what they compose. I suppose it was the first blast of hormone-induced psychosis at forty that triggered the notion of writing a novel and submitting it for publicationbecause most people in their right minds would never subject themselves to repeated abject rejection. I then moved further into full blown insanity and independently published my first three novelsincluding Dragon & Hawk. I am blessed to be one of those extremely lucky indie-published writers who has now been picked up by an established publisher, Champagne Books of Alberta, Canada. I am so excited and grateful for the opportunity.

AmeriCymru: We learn from your bio ( and it is also evident in your writing ) that you have a "passion for historical research and details". When you embark on a new writing project do you have any particular research routine or methodology?

Jude: I dont really have a rigid routine. Gasp! HorrorsI dont even outline. I choose a major historical event/time and then I read books about the era, novels set during the era, and at least skim through something that was published during that particular era to get my mind in sync. Then I choose a real event or two (or six) that will involve or affect my characters. I see what unknown aspect I can find as a starting point, make a list of what I would like to know more about, then head to the historical societies and their research archives. The danger for me is going off on tangents. If I find some intriguing tidbit of information, Ill get off track for hours searching for more about that than what I originally came to find. Its cost me a ton in parking fees and photocopies but I think its also allowed me to paint my stories with more depth and color. I prefer going to the archives for verifiable information; Im not opposed to web research, just leery of using it if I cant cross-reference it with other documentation. And Ive met professional historical researchers who help keep me honest. And they have guns. (Kidding, sort of.)


Welsh Miners, 1881 Copper Queen Mine, Bisbee, Arizona Territory Welsh Miners, 1881 Copper Queen Mine, Bisbee, Arizona Territory
Photo Courtesy of Nancy Lewis Sosa, History Raiders Research ( http://historyraider.com )

Whenever possible, I try to visit the locales involved. Ive been down the Queen Mine in Bisbee many times, and each visit yields some new and different bit of information. I went to Wales in 2002, listened to how Cymry speak English and observe how they act with each other, as well as take note of the incredibly lush land. In 2008 I got to go to Pontypridds historical society and dig around, plus buy books about life there during Victorian times. Its said the devil is in the details, and I can certainly become obsessed with them, but including the smells, sights, and sounds of what the characters would have experienced allows me to dive completely into that world. When I have facts, reference papers, and a mass of descriptive details close to hand, then I start writing. I can refer to my notes as needed and not have to stop.

AmeriCymru: How would you respond to people who might choose to label 'Dragon & Hawk' as a 'Western'? Is there such a thing as a 'Western' anymore? How would you describe the book?

Jude: Thats an excellent question. I didnt set out to write a Western per se but according to the definition of the genre, thats what the storyline of Dragon & Hawk became: a protagonist on a frontier who adheres to a code of ethics as opposed to law and order to protect or avenge loved ones. Westerns have never really gone away, many just moved to outer space! Star Trek and Star Wars are classic examplesand they have spawned an incredible series of books continuing their sagas. Good sci-fi/fantasy almost always has at least a hint of the Classic Western, the mysterious loner with a secret goal. Think about Neil Gaimans American Gods, Harry Potter and his showdown with Voldemort, or Strider in The Lord of the Rings. Then again, one could argue that the Western is merely a permutation of ancient warrior legends, a constant retelling of David and Goliath.

Stories set in nineteenth century America west of the Mississippi may be the next genre to cycle up in popularity; historically speaking, people read more stories of this nature during hard economic times. In my opinion, Westerns provide hope with their examples of strength and endurance in hostile conditions. And every good story has a love story at heart, whether its a romantic love or that between brothers in arms.

How would I describe Dragon & Hawk? How about as a Welsh-terna Welsh Western? Actually, for a bookstore deciding where to put in on a shelf, Id say its a historical Western romance. I emphasize the historical aspect because of all the research, and it is essentially a love story of a man for his brothers and a woman he never expected to accept.

AmeriCymru: We learn from your website that 'Dragon & Hawk' is part one of a three part trilogy. Care to tell us when Parts 2 and 3 are likely to be published?

Jude: Its a trilogy so far Book Two, Rage of Firebirds, is scheduled for release by Champagne Books in April 2012. Book Three, Dragons Blood, has been submitted for acceptance but hasnt been officially contracted yet. Books Four and Five are in the research stages. A few hints involve Pancho Villa and the Mexican Revolution (Ive already found one Welshmans family who helped the wily bandito), World War I, and the shameful Deportation of Bisbee in 1917. Ive always planned to end the saga there.

AmeriCymru: Do you think that the Welsh American experience has been adequately addressed in American literature?

Jude: Not as far as Ive read. I must admit before I started this, I was as dense about Wales as the average American. I had no idea there were so many influential Welshhonorable and deviousespecially out here. Most of the newspaper accounts and literature Ive seen in the Arizona Historical Society and Bisbee Mining Museum describe many Welsh as simply British or Anglo. [I should point out that here in the Southwest, Anglo often refers to anyone not Mexican, Native American, or African American. They call Swedes and French Anglos as just another term for white.] Ive wondered if it was because many Welsh came to the American West to escape. Did they want to establish a new and different entity that was not subject to belittlement by the English? They didnt seem to make a point of distinguishing Wales as a separate nationality in many cases. Then again, census takers and clerks werent well educated and you have to wonder if they just wrote down what they thought was simpler. As recently as 2004, even one of Tucsons pioneer leaders, Samuel Hughes (born in Pembrokeshire in 1829) was described only as Anglo in Tucsons Arizona Daily Star newspaper when they ran a commemorative edition for the 150th anniversary of the Gadsden Purchase.

There is no movie like Braveheart or Michael Collins that illustrates Wales as an entity separate from England, and lets be honest: lots of Americans get their history from Hollywood. Sad but true. (Dont even get me started on the history in the movie Tombstone or Gunfight at the OK Corral. Sigh.)

Arizona celebrates its statehood centennial in 2012, so I hope to bring it to more peoples attention that the Hughes brothers (there were three in Tucson) were Welshmen, not merely Anglos. Id better get on the ball and publish a short booklet about all the Cactus Cymry

AmeriCymru: You are running a competition to coincide with the launch of your new book. Can you tell us a little more about it? Where can readers go to participate?

Jude: I thought Id do something fun on my blog, The Words That Remain. Again, to bring more attention to Wales and its talented people, Im asking folks to post a comment on the contest page naming a Welsh Actor and which show or film brought them to their attention. So far we have Catherin Zeta-Jones and Desmond Llewelyn (Q of the Bond movies). The contest runs through April 20th, and I will pull a posters name out of the hat to win a $20 gift certificate from Champagne Books. That will buy at least three novels and a couple of short stories for your ebook reader, laptop, smart phone, or PC.

Go to http://wordsthatremain.blogspot.com/p/contest-number-one.html and add a comment to enter. Ill post the winners name and they can email me right from the blog. (I dont want people to post their email addresses and get spammed.)

AmeriCymru: Care to tell us a little about your contribution to the 'Gecko Tales' collection last year?

Jude: Four other Tucson authors and I have joined together for signings and seminars, calling ourselves Gecko Gals Ink. We each write in different genres, so we are differently expertised. Our blog is here: http://geckogalsink.blogspot.com . We put together eleven short stories in an anthology called Gecko Tales which is now available on Kindle from Amazon and in print from CreateSpace https://www.createspace.com/3556025 . My two stories: Lorcan and the Witch is a fable about a leprechaun, a unicorn, and the witch from the deepest, darkest part o the forest. Perfect is a fictional tale of a fangirls experience meeting her movie idol at a premiere. Any similarities to fangirls or celebrities living or dead is purely coincidental

AmeriCymru: Where online can people buy your work?

Jude: Champagne Books at the moment ( http://champagnebooks.com/shop/index.php?route=product/product&product_id=52 ). Amazon, BN.com, and Fictionwise within the next week or two. Dragon & Hawk will be published in trade paperback sometime this summer.

AmeriCymru: What's next for Jude Johnson?

Jude: I actually have a short fantasy story scheduled for release through Champagne in July 2011 involving an English lieutenant in Nelsons Navy rescued by a selchie and brought to a mysterious island called Within The Mists. I used a bit of research about Skomer Island for that one. Im currently researching an American Revolutionary era story based on a friends great-great-great-great (I think its that many greats) grandfathers true experiences as a sailor pressed into the British Navy who jumped ship in Boston Harbor. And of course, continuing research for Book Four of the Dragon & Hawk saga.

AmeriCymru: Any final message for the members and readers of AmeriCymru?

Jude: Thank you, diolch yn fawr iawn, for your interest in my work. I originally wrote this story for people who have never been to Arizonaand for Arizonans who never heard of Wales. I hope I did the Cymry of the Old West proudeven those colorful stage robbers and con men. Stay tuned for the further adventures of the Jones families

Interview by Ceri Shaw Email


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this blog can be viewed in its original format with pictures at www.crapwifeblog.co.uk or at http://craphousewife.blogspot.com/

Husbands sickness isnt my fault. After all, he didnt have to eat the cheese- he could have negotiated with me instead. When you think about it, really, its his own fault for not communicating with me effectively. Monday morning, after a restless night and an early morning taking delivery of parcels, Husband is adamant that it is not his fault. In fact, hes pretty certain that Im to blame (!) This, of course, simply isnt true; and I tell him so.

This simply isnt true.

You made me eat a ball of garlic cheese thatd been in your Nannas handbag for 18 hours.

(I decide not to tell him that my Grandparents have since read the blog and rang to advise that it was more like 22 hours because they were caught in traffic at by Leigh Delemare service station. Or that it had been sat on the windowsill of their hotel room for 48 hours prior to this.)
I cant believe youre blaming Nanna for this Husband, she carried that cheese all the way home for you- youre not even allowed to bring foreign food stuff back into the UK, she could have been jailed. Why are you being like this? I question.
Im not blaming Nanna, Im blaming you. says Husband

Potato/potatoe, were related. says I.

Fine, lets see if she has another ball of cheese and you eat it then? Husband looks smug.
Ooooh youd love that wouldnt you? Me to eat a ball of cheese and get even fatter. You just dont want anyone to fancy me; youre trying to make me fatter so that no one fancies me.

(No-ones actually fancied me since 2004.)
Youre a pleb. He tells me.

Im shocked, as that usually works. Husband goes back to bed with a book and I set about tidying the house (not out of guilt.)
I find that the cleaning is enjoyable today and before I know it,I'vehoovered(not out of guilt) mopped the floors (not out of guilt) and made a batch of 'non vegetarian made with actual chicken' broth (not out of guilt.)
Husband seems really thrilled with my efforts, especially with the soup which he says, and I quote, is just what the Doctor ordered.

I am pleased that were finally reaching a truce, as Im finding being blamed for another persons crimes a terrible burden which is no good for my chi.
I dont know what made me mention the chicken arse while he supped the soup, but as Husband vomited the truce onto my nice clean floor, I realised immediately that it had been a mistake.
In an effort to make light of the situation and recapture the sentiment of the truce, I joke:
Oh, dont worry; at least you didnt throw up on the cat.
Admitidley, this isnt the funniest line Ive ever quipped, but Husbands a simple creature and its enough to make sick come out of his nose. There is no greater horror than watching the one you married vomit through their nose.
Suffice to say that the truce is off. Husband believes that this was a deliberate act of sabotage on my part. I am totally mortified that Husband thinks I would do such a thing, and I tell him so.
I am totally crushed that you think I would do such a thing.

You posted all my clothes back to me- second class ; youre capable of anything. He says.
There you go, bringing up the past again...
They only arrived this morning! You still bip at me for forgetting to put the bins out on our wedding night. (I had left a note reminding him, which he ignored.)
I can see that Husband isnt in the right frame of mind to listen to reason and suggest that he goes back to bed to think about what hes done.
This doesnt seem to go down well and he slams the door on his way out- I think this may be domestic abuse but Im not sure. Thankfully, my mother is somewhat of an authority on this as she sits on a domestic abuse forum-unbelievably, shes more concerned about Husband than me. She suggests that I reread my blog, I tell her I dont have time as Ive got to redo the floor.
I am very hurt and upset about Husbands very low opinion of me (especially when Ive tried to be so helpful.) I decide to play Xbox to perk myself up.
Being as I spent so long organising things this morning (not out of guilt,) I am able to locate the batteries for the karaoke mikes instantly.
Given that Im such a perfectionist, I decide to pick one song and practise it before trying others and starting a band.
By my eleventh rendition of R.E.Ms heart wrencher Everybody Hurts Husband has had enough time to realise that No , he didnt have to eat the cheese, making it his fault he's sick, and Yes , I was only trying to cheer him up when I made him laugh while he vomited.

That, my friends, is what marriage is all about. Communication.
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Dylan Thomas Centre


By Ann Davies, 2011-04-05

Swansea was the birthplace of the poet Dylan Thomas. For the past sixteen years his life and work has been celebrated at the Dylan Thomas Centre, a beautiful building in the Maritime Quarter. But this is a place that goes far beyond Dylan Thomas's life and work - it has become a cultural centre to celebrate the arts in general. There's an exhibition, a coffee shop that's also a bookshop, a restaurant and bar, and a theatre where a wide range of events take place. Meeting rooms are used for courses and workshops that have helped countless people discover talents they never knew they had.

Now the Centre is threatened with closure. The only part of the Centre that Swansea's council has agreed to keep in place is the exhibition. The building itself will be handed to the University of Wales on 1st May. On 1st April, following what seemed like a positive meeting with the council, the owner of the bookshop was told to remove all books from the building within 28 days. So far discussions with the University have proved inconclusive and they are not prepared to divulge what their vision is for the future of the building.

The centenary of Dylan Thomas's birth takes place in 2014, an opportunity for Swansea to be a centre for cultural tourism, and yet it seems the town won't have a Centre for these celebrations.

I know Dylan Thomas has a following in the US, so if anyone would like to sign the attached petition, signatures would be more than welcome.

This is the link:

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/save-the-dylan-thomas-centre.html

With thanks for your support.

Ann

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Dylan Thomas Centre


By Ann Davies, 2011-04-05

Swansea was the birthplace of the poet Dylan Thomas. For the past sixteen years his life and work has been celebrated at the Dylan Thomas Centre, a beautiful building in the Maritime Quarter. But this is a place that goes far beyond Dylan Thomas's life and work - it has become a cultural centre to celebrate the arts in general. There's an exhibition, a coffee shop that's also a bookshop, a restaurant and bar, and a theatre where a wide range of events take place. Meeting rooms are used for courses and workshops that have helped countless people discover talents they never knew they had.

Now the Centre is threatened with closure. The only part of the Centre that Swansea's council has agreed to keep in place is the exhibition. The building itself will be handed to the University of Wales on 1st May. On 1st April, following what seemed like a positive meeting with the council, the owner of the bookshop was told to remove all books from the building within 28 days. So far discussions with the University have proved inconclusive and they are not prepared to divulge what their vision is for the future of the building.

The centenary of Dylan Thomas's birth takes place in 2014, an opportunity for Swansea to be a centre for cultural tourism, and yet it seems the town won't have a Centre for these celebrations.

I know Dylan Thomas has a following in the US, so if anyone would like to sign the attached petition, signatures would be more than welcome.

This is the link:

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/save-the-dylan-thomas-centre.html

With thanks for your support.

Ann

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Dylan Thomas Centre


By Ann Davies, 2011-04-05

Swansea was the birthplace of the poet Dylan Thomas. For the past sixteen years his life and work has been celebrated at the Dylan Thomas Centre, a beautiful building in the Maritime Quarter. But this is a place that goes far beyond Dylan Thomas's life and work - it has become a cultural centre to celebrate the arts in general. There's an exhibition, a coffee shop that's also a bookshop, a restaurant and bar, and a theatre where a wide range of events take place. Meeting rooms are used for courses and workshops that have helped countless people discover talents they never knew they had.

Now the Centre is threatened with closure. The only part of the Centre that Swansea's council has agreed to keep in place is the exhibition. The building itself will be handed to the University of Wales on 1st May. On 1st April, following what seemed like a positive meeting with the council, the owner of the bookshop was told to remove all books from the building within 28 days. So far discussions with the University have proved inconclusive and they are not prepared to divulge what their vision is for the future of the building.

The centenary of Dylan Thomas's birth takes place in 2014, an opportunity for Swansea to be a centre for cultural tourism, and yet it seems the town won't have a Centre for these celebrations.

I know Dylan Thomas has a following in the US, so if anyone would like to sign the attached petition, signatures would be more than welcome.

This is the link:

http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/save-the-dylan-thomas-centre.html

With thanks for your support.

Ann

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This blog can be viewed in its original format with pictures at www.crapwifeblog.co.uk and http://craphousewife.blogspot.com

On Saturday our mates came over. I got shit-faced.
Husband was up in the garage looking for more beer when my friend informed me shed had a message saying Id won the award for Top Blogger on Americymru.net. I am absolutely landed- these are the people running a Welsh festival in L.A, on Hollywood Boulevard no less. My Award West Coast Eistedfodd 2011
Husband comes back in just as Im telling my friend to open another bottle for us to celebrate.
Celebrate what? He asks.
I dont know what came over me at this moment, what was going through my mind, what piss taking little funster possessed me to say it, but I heard myself telling him...
It was going to be a surprise, but I got a job.
Ah for fucks sakes. Why didn't I just say I was pregnant or something? I of course haven't got a job.
Before you get all Jeremy Kyle, I dont sit here and claim benefits while drinking coffee and writing about gluing my Husbands shoes together; I pay council tax and Im not on the dole. I just dont have a job. Its not like Im not applying though, Im even following a recruitment agency on Twitter:
Cloudninerec steve ward
Senior social media strategist 55-65k, London http: #############
crapwife crap wife
@ cloudninerec Is it worth applying with a couple of GCSEs and a certificate in food hygiene that I bought off a Harvester grill chef?
Cloudninerec steve ward
@ crapwife Sadly probably not, and oh - you wasted your money on the food & hygiene certificate... ;)
crapwife crap wife
@ cloudninerec Hi Steve- just to let you know I've swapped my food hygiene for a City and Guilds in reflexology- does this change anything?
He said no, theres just nothing out there for me at the moment.
I was very ill on Sunday. It would seem that sometime during the course of the evening I contracted MRSA. My first clue about this came when I woke to find my tongue had been stuck to my pillow. This is not, as Husband suggested, red wine dehydration. It seems that pillowcases with an above 600 thread count act as a Velcro when in contact with the tongue. I tell Husband to find me the phone number for Egypts cotton Minister so that I can complain.
Being Mothers Day we go visiting. My Grandparents have just returned from Amsterdam and they have bought me presents. I am very pleased with the Delft ashtray and 100 fags, less so with the ball of garlic cheese that spent 18 hours in Nanny's handbag on the return journey.
Having a fag with my Grandparents is one of lifes little pleasures, never before on the planet have two people managed to tangle so much randomness into a ball and call it conversation. They are possibly the funniest people I know. They make me feel like a kid- even at 28 my Nanna tries to dress me and do my hair.
Though careful not to mention it in front of the Husband, they are avidly following the blog. I dont know what my Nanna thinks blog means, but its her new favourite word. She phoned me last week to ask me to blog her over a photo of the garden, and then told me she was going to have a blog on the online bingo before dinner.
My Grandfather has said that Im not allowed to quote anything they say without paying them royalties, but Im hoping theyll be too busy trying to buy a blog Argos to read this.
Also following the blog are my parents, who arrive shortly after we do. Unfortunately, I have to distance myself from my mother today as once again as she looks stunning and next to her I look like a Kosovan Refugee who ate a 4x4.My mother was born in 1961 which is the same year as the Berlin wall was built. She stopped aging in 1989, which iscoincidentallywhen it came down.I dont mind being seen next to my Dad, (or Silver Fox as we call him) next to him my grey hairs are barely noticeable .
After discovering that my Uncle (who lives opposite) is out shopping and moulding the builders sand on his driveway into a large penis, we head home.
Now I think about it, this was definitely a mistake. The Uncle in question is a nightmare- this is a man who once used a forklift truck to put someones mini in a skip because they stuck a key to his Diahatsu and called it a Noddy car. Compared to him Im an amateur. Hes vowed to get me back and I spent the rest of my day drawing up a battle plan just in case he does.
The night-time challenges resumed last night.
If you want to get into bed you have to eat the whole ball of garlic cheese.

We like garlic and we like cheese(we've even been known to like the two together) but this cheese is like nothing Ive encountered- if Id have had the foresight to post it to Edward Cullen, there wouldnt have been a Twilight series.
Husband hasnt gone to work this morning and I feel a little bit guilty. He was up all night throwing up after eating the cheese and he looks like shit today.
He finally managed to sleep around 4am, shattered and feeling very sorry for himself. This is why is hasn't spoken to me since 7.15am, which is when the Postman woke him up to delivery his clothes.
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MAM


By Ian Price2, 2011-04-04

Average Mother's Day gift selection time rises to 3.5 seconds

01-04-11

THOUGHTFULNESS is on the increase across the UK with some people taking almost four seconds to choose a Mother's Day present, it has emerged.

The Institute for Studies found the average time spent selecting a gift for the annual obligatory display of affection increased by just under one third of a second.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "People are no longer just reaching for the first chocolate product or flowers that costs approximately a fiver. They are momentarily deliberating between products before thinking, 'yeah, that'll do'.

"At least we hope that's the case. Possibly it's just because they've rearranged garages so that the generic flowers are slightly harder to spot."

Meanwhile, there is also evidence that general gift quality is increasing.

Bill McKay, from Darlington, said: "What with inflation and how much I love my mum, I've increased the budget to 6.20 including the card.

"I would always get the generic flowers in the sort of plastic sheath - paid for, mind, not just lifted from the site of a bad crime - or whichever chocolate selection box has a sticker on it saying 'gift idea'.

"This year though I've decided to be more original and get her eight Double Deckers. It's much better value in terms of weight.

"Plus they're on offer."

Teacher Nikki Hollis said: "I know my mum would do anything for me, that's why I don't really need to bother with a decent present, although I shall drop in with a card this Sunday. The fact that I'm spending time with her rather than doing somethng I want to do will mean the world to her."

Father-of-two Stephen Malley added: "It's all a big marketing thing cooked up by Americans in the Fifties, or something. The maternal bond shouldn't be commodified or reduced to the giving of a product on an arbitrarily-allocated day.

"At least that's what I'm telling myself after just discovering the fucking garage is shut."


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Dragon & Hawk - by Jude Johnson


By Ceri Shaw, 2011-04-04

The Jones's ( Evan, Dylan and Huw ) are emigrants from Wales trying to 'make it' in 1880's Arizona. They get off to a bad start with a failed ( and farcical ) stagecoach robbery and much drinking, gambling and whoring.

The harsh conditions in the silver mines where they work at the beginning of the book are vividly depicted. Their struggle to better themselves is long, arduous and equally brutal. The road to honest happiness for the Jones boys is a very crooked highway indeed.

Throughout this relentlessly paced novel the graphic descriptions of the seedy goings on in Tombstone's whorehouses are a source of constant delight. In the earlier chapters much of the action occurs in Velvet Ass Rose's Diamond Emporium, an establishment much frequented by the Jones boys.

There are frequent humorous interludes as when Huw enquires of his brothers after learning that the stagecoach they are holding up was already robbed "about five miles back":- "Do we wait here? When's the next?"

At another point in the narrative preparations for a forthcoming wedding are described in the following terms:-


"How nice for her. Who's the fortunate groom?"

"A Barker from Contention City named Freddy. They courted real quick. Lucy's daddy --- Sherriff Roberts? ---- he's so happy about Freddy joining the family, I hear he's bringing his shotgun. To make sure no one objects"


Though hardly lacking in incident and humor the dominant theme here is the convoluted and tempestuous relationship between the elder Jones brother, and Reyna , a woman of independent means and strong character who nurses Evan back to health after a catastrophic mining accident which causes him to become addicted to morphine. The many scenes of tenderness between them will be a delight to all lovers of graphic romances.

All in all we have no hesitation in giving this book a five star recommendation. We learn from the author's website ( see links below ) that this is part one of a forthcoming trilogy and that parts two and three are already written. We look forward to both.

'Dragon & Hawk' is published this month ( April 2011 ) by Champagne Books. To read an excerpt go here:- http://jude-johnson.com/excerptDH.html

About Jude Johnson

From the author's site :- "Jude Johnson is a writer with a passion for historical research and details. The smell of parchment, old leather, and glue bindings makes her giddy. It is her attention to accuracy that infuses her stories with authenticity, letting the reader step into those dusty streets of Tombstone or onto the pitching deck of a frigate of Nelson's Navy.

Granddaughter of a curandera, a Mexican healer who uses herbs, psychology and a little bit of mysticism, she incorporates a bit of family legend into her Dragon & Hawk series. Currently, Book One, Dragon & Hawk, is scheduled for ebook release by Champagne Books in April 2011, with print publication following. Rest assured, Books Two and Three are already written."....more here

Review by Ceri Shaw

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