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Beware the Taffess


By Ian Price2, 2011-04-16

THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A WELSH GIRL

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do
the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the
third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Wales. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hotmeals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

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Sain Newsletter - Ebrill | April 2011


By Ceri Shaw, 2011-04-16
sain - logo

Gr y Gwyrthiau
Cyfle arbennig i chi gael y ffilm unigryw hon iw chadw ai thrysori gan bawb yn y teulu. Cawn weld hanes Iesu trwy lygaid y ferch ifanc Tamar , syn gweld bywyd, y dyn, Duw , y llon ar lleddf, y farwolaeth eithaf, ar gogoniant mwyaf.

9.99

A film to be treasured by the whole family. Jesus story is told through the eyes of a young girl Tamar who sees life, the man, God , the good and the bad.

9.99

sain scd2649

Sain DVD104

Cynigion Pasg - Easter Offers
sain - pasg

Gwyn Hughes Jones - Canur Cymry, Cyfrol 1
Bwriad y casgliad hwn y cyntaf mewn cyfres gobeithio yw adlewyrchu neu gynrychioli peth or diwylliant lleisiol cyngherddol sydd wedi llunio traddodiad y canu Cymraeg, a thraddodiad y tenor Cymreig yn benodol.

12.98

This album which is designed to be the first in a series sets out to present the vocal concert culture which has helped form the Welsh singing tradition, with the emphasis on the Welsh tenor solos.

12.98

sain scd2549

Sain SCD2549

Rhys Meilyr
Does dim dwywaith fod ganddo lais a hwnnwn un soniarus a chwbwl unigryw, ond mae ir llais yma rhyw gyfrinedd syn mynnu eich sylw or nodyn cyntaf ac yna maen lapio amdanoch fel blanced gynnes, gyfarwydd ac yn eich swyno.

12.98

His attractively sonorous voice is Rhys main asset, a strange mix of innocence and maturity, breathing new life into the songs he sings, bringing a fresh and different voice to the scene which makes one sit up and take notice.

12.98

sain scd2649

Sain SCD2649

Al Lewis Band - Ar gof a chadw
Mae rhain meddu ar y ddawn o gyfansoddi caneuon melodig a fydd yn cael eu cofleidio gan gynulleidfaoedd. Mae rhain meddu ar y ddawn o ganu fel eos. Dengys Ar gof a chadw , albwm newydd sbon Al Lewis Band, fod y bachgen lwcus hwn yn meddu ar y ddau.

9.99

Some people can effortlessly compose melodic songs that audiences will lap up. Others can sing beautifully with no effort. Ar Gof a Chadw , Al Lewis s latest album proves that some people have it all.

9.99

rasal cd033

rasal cd033

Lleuwen - Tn
Tn yw albwm hir disgwyliedig diweddaraf y gantores ryfeddol Lleuwen .

9.99

Tn , the Welsh and Breton word for fire, is the eagerly awaited new album from acclaimed Welsh singer Lleuwen .

9.99

gwymon cd014

gwymon cd014

Llongyfarchiadau - Congratulations
Enillydd tocyn gwerth 50 o nwyddau o wefan Sain yng nghystadleuaeth mis Mawrth oedd Myfanwy Williams o Ynys Mn - llongyfarchiadau mawr iddi hi a diolch i bawb a fentrodd gystadlu.

Cwestiwn:
Beth yw enwr trac syn cyfeirio at Mam ar CD newydd Rhys Meilyr ?

Ateb:
Cariad Mam

 The winner of the 50 voucher for goods from the Sain website in our March competition was Myfanwy Williams from Anglesey - congratulations to her and a big thank you to all who competed.

Question:
What is the name of the track that refers to Mam on Rhys Meilyr s new CD?

Answer:
Cariad Mam
sain tocyn

Cynigion arbennig - Special offers
Os yn chwilio am fargen mae na ragor o CDs ar bris o 5.99 wedi eu hychwanegu ar ein tudalen cynigion arbennig! There are even more bargain CDs at 5.99 on our special offers page!
sain logo

Cyw
Cynnyrch amrywiol Cyw ar gael - Tegan meddal - 4.99
Jigso - 6.49
Cadw-mi-gei - 5.99
Mwg - 5.99
Crysau-T - 6.99
Babygro - 8.99

Newydd . . . . . . . . .
Bag cefn 7.99
Hwdi - 15.99
Papur lapio - 99c
Magnedau amrywiol - 1.99
Pyjamas - 12.99

 Cyw merchandise items available - Cuddly toy - 4.99
Jigsaw - 6.49
Money box - 5.99
Mug - 5.99
T-shirts - 6.99
Babygro - 8.99

New . . . . . . . . .
Rucksack - 7.99
Hoodie - 15.99
Wrapping paper - 99p
Magnets - 1.99
Pyjamas - 12.99
Cyw

Taflenni cerdd - Sheet music
sain cs018 sain cs013 sain cs026 sain cs021 sain cs015

Cyhoeddiadau diweddar eraill - Other recent releases
sain dvd092 sain dvd095 sain dvd102 sain dvd099 sain dvd090
copa cd013 sain scd2426 sain scd2622 sain scd2627 sain scd2633
sain dvd103 sain dvd084 sain dvd091 sain dvd100 sain dvd098
- Am y newyddion diweddaraf - For the latest news and updates -

sain newyddion facebook twitter

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Rhydian's Quest by V.S. Jones


By Ceri Shaw, 2011-04-16
Epic and thrilling poetic adventure set in ancient times

Out of ancient Wales rides Rhydian, a raw, untried young knight with a great deal to prove and an arduous journey to make, both physically and spiritually.

On the way, he must face jealous enemies, shape shifters, spirits from other ages, enchantresses and a fabled sword and scabbard, which can render its user invincible but can also lead him into temptation and to craving power at any cost.

To help him, he has his faithful warhorse, his clever hound and his beautiful lady, blessed with second sight. Rhydian needs not only incredible courage but also humility, forgiveness and friendship if he is to conquer lust, hate, anger and vainglory and achieve true knighthood.

The rich, clear, simple verse will catch, enthrall and ultimately uplift the reader. The pace is exciting, the wonderful landscape vividly drawn and all the characters touchingly human.Read more HERE

V S Jones was born in London, where she originally trained as nurse. However, a born rebel, she left before completing her training and headed to Jersey where she drove taxis. Eventually she returned to London and some time afterwards opened a restaurant in North Wales with her first husband. When both her restaurant and her marriage failed, she returned to nursing and supported her two daughters as a single mother. Two more daughters followed her marriage to her second husband, and at the age of 50 she embarked on a degree course at her local college, followed by a Cert Ed. Since completing a post-graduate Diploma in Dementia Studies, she now divides her time between distance learning tutoring and working for a lifeline control centre with particular emphasis on people with dementia. She now lives in Wellington, Somerset.

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How could you do this to me, Ceri Shaw?


By Crap Wife, 2011-04-15
How could you do this to me, Ceri Shaw?


I found Dave Garland Jones through Americymru.net,

I fell for his hair... then his earring,

Then You aint seen Ruthin yet.

I couldn't take my eyes from the screen; I watched him online,

Fighting wars for his art form,

He's ahead of his time.

Excited by the Geography (he lives close to me,)

I will start a Scrap Book and call it...

The Life of Davie-G.

I was on YouTube for hours, hes had thousands of views,

If I could just maybe once meet him,

Would he make me his muse?

I dont love him in a that way, Im not attracted you see...

But his failings are irresistible...

To a stalker, like me.

The bus stops about a mile from the great DGJs home,

I sit and wait there for hours...

Hoping Dave lives alone.

I leave down-right dejected.Dave Garland Jones is not in.

But it was nowhere near a wasted journey,

I found souvenirs... in his bin.

I feel my confidence soaring, on the tail my toil,

I log on to watch him on youtube...

My blood starts to boil.

The reason (I hear you asking) is Ceri Bloody Shaw,

Trying to lure Dave to America,

The betrayal is raw.

While Dave's songs and sketches pierced my heart like a knife...

Ceri was scheming from Portland,

To take him from my life.

I dont know how Ill continue, in the face of this blow,

Who can I stalk in his absence?

'Cause Daves sure to go.

It's not even like I can follow, the thought fills me with fright,

At one thousand pounds sterling...

I can't afford the flight.

I can live, pray and dream as fate rolls its dice

And that Dave will come back from LA one day...

Treforests quite nice.

In the meantime I am left with YouTube for a friend,

Daves no doubt packing his suitcase,

A/C will have got him in the end.

So I hope you enjoy him, Americymru.net

Be sure to tell him that I love him, please...

...dont let him forget.

CrapWife.


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Please, please support CrapWife and visit the site www.crapwife.com where the blog is visible with pictures and pages.

Apparently Husband didnt sleep very well last night. This is because (according to him) I woke up 6 times, loudly declaring Im hot! and then got out of bed at 4am and cried for ten minutes because I was too cold.
I remember nothing of this and have only his word for it, so given his recent dishonesty, I dont believe him. (Although... it would explain why when I got up this morning I was wearing gloves and the foil space poncho my mother got me when she visited NASA.)
Weve started getting up a minimum of two hours before he leaves for work in order to spend quality time together and talk. This was his idea. It is a very bad idea. Given that I have hypothermia, I think I can excused any blips the usual sunny disposition hes come to know and love.
Do you want toast babe? he asks, all healthy, happy and normal.
Glare.
C-O-C-K- O-F-F I spell out using my hands to make the letters.
Is that a yes or a no? I dont read sign language.

Glare and two fingers.
Two pieces of toast then? Honey?

I like honey, so I nod.
My mood improves as I read get well soon messages on twitter from people who understand how ill I am. Husband promptly ruins this mood by whistling.
When we got married, I drew up a list of rules; one of them prohibited whistling before midday. Husband seems to have forgotten this rule, along with many of the others, including:
  • No pissing in wardrobes no matter how drunk you are
  • No asking for sex for a month if England beat Wales, Scotland or Ireland in
  • any sporting event , including synchronised swimming, archery and bowls.

My fingers and toes are still a turquoisey blue, and if I stand in the garden in my pyjamas I start shivering again. This is proof that I have hypothermia. Husband sees me shivering and tells me to come in before I... and I quote, ...catch a sniffle?

Sniffle? I have hypothermia! A sniffle is something made up by parents to make kids do their anoraks up... or to explain to strangers why their offspring drips snot... I have a potentially life threatening condition caused directly by his cheating on me with animals. I would tell him all this, but Im not speaking to him.
This is nice, we get to spend some time together before I leave now. Howre you feeling? he asks.

 Babe? Howre you feeling? he asks again. Ive tried, I really have, but my will to speak is too strong:

 I feel like shit, I have hypothermia and you arent taking me seriously. I tell him.

 I am taking you seriously, but babe, youve got a sniffle because you got wet and youre grumpy because youre tired.

Grumpy? Im not grumpy; Im having an emotional breakdown caused by ice shards in my brain. I hate it when he plays things down.Hypothermia can cause all sorts of medical complications- I looked it up on Wikipedia.
By the time Husband returned from work last night I had fashioned my office chair into a passable replica of Stephen (God amongst men) Hawkings wheelchair. I accomplished this using duct tape, straws, a digital photo frame, some bamboo canes and the waste hose from the washing machine. This exercise was designed to give Husband a glimpse of the consequences involved when not taking potentially life threatening complaints seriously. If the wheelchair didnt do it, the voice changer app on my iphone certainly hit home.
Judging by the look on his face, Husband will be more sympathetic in future.
I would like to quickly draw your attention to the 'pet names needed' button above this post- please click and share with me your ideas for embarrassing pet names for me to call him in public. There are some crackers there so far... Sunday lunch at my mother's is shaping up to be a colourful affair.
YOU CAN ADD CRAPWIFE ON FACEBOOK BY SEARCHING FOR Daily CrapWife OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER@CrapWife

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Please visit blog in its original format at www.crapwife.com

Husband vowed that he wasnt going to speak to me last night but he had to in the end. I think Ive got hypothermia.

Wife, you dont have hypothermia, youre a just a bit cold because you were being mental in the garden wearing your fucking wedding dress.

A quick Google of the symptoms confirms that yes, I have hypothermia.
Youre shivering because youre still wearing your wedding dress and your extremities arent turning blue, youve painted your bloody toe and fingernails turquoise.
This is beside the point. I have pins and needles and Im woozy. I fear the end is near.
Maybe if you went and changed instead of standing there like Miss Havisham youd feel better.
The similarity is uncanny; its 20 to nine and Ive spent all day training the dog to hate men. Hes probably right about the getting changed thing though, but Alas! I am too weak. Better to have a rest on the kitchen floor instead, I decide.
Babe, get up, youre dripping everywhere. he says, stepping over me.
Woe- I can barely hear you speak, Husband; my energies are concentrated upon staying away from the light. Each word is a struggle for me.
Wife, your veil is stuck to your ears and the light is from the fridge, Im making dinner. Get up.
Hmm. I am hungry; no doubt a side effect from the hypothermia.
Why are you so dramatic? Is this about that Gin thing?

So he admits it then, eh?
My dearest Husband, oh my weary love, I am in much psychic pain- I am finding it troublesome trying to come to terms with your infidelity... And Im not fucking dramatic.

How are you not dramatic? Ive come home tonight to find my wife bobbing in the paddling pool in her wedding dress with our first dance song blasting from the conservatory. And now youre trying to speak all Dickensy- How is that not dramatic???


You lack the tools to understand the complexities of my wounded heart... I say, eyes rolling as death nears.
When I emerge from my brush with death and see that hes ignoring me and chopping tomatoes I decide to be the bigger person.
Husband is clearly ashamed of his recent indiscretion and his refusal to pander to me is obviously because he feels so guilty.
Plus, I really am fucking freezing. I head upstairs to change. After screaming for nearly3 whole minutes Husband is eventually there like a flash. He doesn't seem concerned by my distress and suggests that my skull isnt actually bleeding and that perhaps the blood is seepage from my latest home hair dye attempt. Im not convinced.
Over dinner, he brings up Gin. I tell him that Im not ready to hear him speak the name of that slag pasty and clutch my heart to indicate that it still hurts.
Slag pasty?
I cant answer as unfortunately I seem to have fainted.
You said slag pasty? Gin the slag pasty? As in Ginsters pasty? he thinks he's fucking Columbo.
Did I? I cant recall; my memorys patchy which is probably due to the hypothermia or the bleeding skull .
Are you telling me that youve been accusing me of cheating and floating in the paddling pool in your wedding dress because I ate a steak bake? he asks.
Betrayal is betrayal flowerpot, you made me be a vegetarian so in your face. I reply.
Oh my fucking God. Firstly, the vegetarianism was your idea. Secondly, I only ate meat in work because I found a 4 pack of Peperami behind the DVDs and some wafer thin ham under the sofa on day 1 of usbeing veggie! I was playing you at your own game. he's riled.


I have no idea how they got there and I resent the accusation.
Hes gone a bit red and hes speaking quite loudly, it looks like Husband might be about to break...
Youre mad, babe, I love you. He says, finally.
What? Thats it? Ive caught hypothermia and told my mother hes cheated on me and thats it?
This is what really gets on my tits about Husband. Doesnt matter what I do, how I do it, how mental I act- hes never any closer to breaking than when I first married him. Sometimes I dont know why I bother.
Husband went to bed happy, his patience had miraculously rejuvenated. He even attacked the bedtime challenges with renewed vigour, throwing a new move- the figure of 8- into the naked cock dance recital.
As I watched Husband hum the theme tune to Neighbours and perform the helicopter, his willy wind-milling furiously like the hands on Jodie Marshs body clock, I realised that Im going to have to try harder to break him. I think its time to buy a video camera, don't you?
YOU CAN ADD CRAPWIFE ON FACEBOOK BY SEARCHING FOR Daily CrapWife OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER@CrapWife
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Dylan has found a home


By Jeff Phillips, 2011-04-14

Hi all

A lot has hapened since I first displayed my painting of the BBC broadcastof Dylan and his friends sitting around a table at The Grove in the Uplands, Swansea. The painting has been on a tour of variousestablishments around Swansea and Mumbles, at the moment it ison display at the Kardomah Cafe (very fitting) however on the 27th of May it will be placed at it's perminant residency, in Llys Glas , which most people will remember as the old Swansea Police Station. Gwalia have compleately renovated the building and what a wonderful job they have made of it, with a fabulous tearoom and restaraunt, working art studios and two large exhibition halls. The painting willonce again be unvailed asthe centre piece of the full exhibitionof The Life & Times of Dylan Thomas. On the evening of the launch we are hoping to have a re-enactment of the event that is taking place in the painting with 'lookalikes reading the actual scripts', together with other entertainment. I will continue to update this blog as we move closer to the event date and know more details of our entertainment. Jeff

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" Thursday 14th April 2011 at 18:30 Welsh time and 10:30 U.S. time, ... Wales and the U.S. link up live for the first time since Llanelli's finest Dave 'The Edge' Evans strutted his stuff with U2 at Live Aid in 1985, when Ceri of Americymru and David of David Garland Jones appear in a live video Skype session on Youtube. Be there. "

You can witness this historic moment in the history of Welsh cinema 'live' on David's YouTube channell ( April 14th 6.30 p.m. Wales time, 10.30 Pacific time, 1.30 Eastern time ) Screen debut of a seedy 'Pontypool Boyo' :)

Home of the actor David Garland Jones' broadcasts and associated progamming. [N.B.: Some of the music used has not had copyright release. This is a not-for-profit enterprise.]
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this post can be viewed in its original format with pictures at www.crapwifeblog.co.uk and at www.craphousewife.blogspot.com
I didnt sleep well last night. Husbands deceit is weighing heavily on my mind. Hes cheated on me with animals so what else has he lied about? Am I honestly the centre of his Universe? Is his name actually ######? Does swallowing semen really make you lose weight?
His response to my text about his infidelity was curt:

Im not going to dignify that with an answer. Love you, see you later. xxx


Practically an admission of guilt. Yet I still love him. Yes hes cheated, yes hes betrayed me, but Im really fat, I cant afford to be back on the shelf- health and safety would have a fit.
I manage to stop dry crying long enough to order the shopping online. Sainsburys is taunting me and every thank you message feels like a knife to the heart. Its not just Husbands betrayal that is hurting... Sainsburys and I go back years- I do 6 big shops with Tescos and it sets my Husband up with a Ginsters Slag-Pasty; hardly fair.
Its probably somehow my fault though, maybe if I brushed my hair more often this wouldnt have happened? Perhaps if I used my immac on my bikini line instead of putting it in his baldness cure lotion...? I suppose I shouldnt really have deleted the Matrix from our V+ to make room for John Bishop with his beautiful floppy hair and plus size teeth? I must change to save our marriage. I will be a better wife and remind him why he loves me.
Husband texts while Im polishing the skirting boards:

Hows u r day going?

Busy cleaning and being a good wife and stuff. Please dont leave me.

Wtf r u on about? I am not going to leave u and I havent cheated.

I have evidence. I understand tho, its all my fault, I see that now, Ill be a better wife.

Babe, seriously, what r u on about?

I decide to stop being cryptic and confront him directly about the Ginsters slag-pasty:

I know about Gin. Was she worth it?

I dont even know anyone called Gin. Why r u being mental?'

Not being mental, have proof. Dont worry, will be a better wife so that you dont stray again. Im sorry and I love you etc.

Not cheated. Dont know Gin. No idea what u r on about. Love u the way u r- dont go all fucking alter ego on me, Ive had a hard day.


Alter ego? Me???

Ok. Love you Husband. Lets forget this and save our marriage. Going to weed the garden (even though it hurts my knee) so that you have less to do.

FFS. Leave the plants alone, and dont be mental in the garden, the neighbours already think were weird.


Hmph.
After cleaning the house I decide that theres no better way to remind Husband how much he loves me than by resurrecting one of the Old Faithful games he so enjoys. I think that the Silent Witness is probably his favourite (where I pretend to be a corpse and He has guess what killed me) so I set about planning my death.
Why Husband is pissed off when he gets home is beyond me. Im the victim in all this!
The house is clean and I went to loads of effort to make the Silent Witness game really convincing. It might be that he doesnt like the smell of Zoflora? It could be that he may have accidently thought I was actually dead for a few seconds? Or it may be, as he put it, that I was being mental in the garden again when he specifically told me not to.
Either way, he won the Silent Witness game in record time by correctly guessing that Id drowned in the paddling pool while wearing my wedding dress.
YOU CAN ADD CRAPWIFE ON FACEBOOK BY SEARCHING FOR Daily CrapWife OR FOLLOW ON TWITTER @CrapWife
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