I have a little Satnav,

It sits there in my car.
A Satnav is a driver's friend,
It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav,
I've had it all my life.
It isn't like the normal ones -
My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions,
Especially how to drive -
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says,
"You're doing thirty five."

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake,
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake.

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green -
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene.

It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear,
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device,
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice!

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught,
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while . . .
I could turn the damned thing off.

(If my wife is listening I am NOT the author. Heaven forbid!)