ARGLWYDD MAWRThe game in Cardiff had something of a pantomime about it. The Welsh responded to the Haka by adopting a stance that one usually sees on bouncers outside particularly seedy night clubs. Such was the macho posturing that calls were sent out for bromide tablets to quell any untoward coupling in the rucks.In the first half however the pills had obviously not taken effect as the Welsh went at the New Zealanders with the kind of fury that had magistrates sharpening their pencils and thousands of women penning marriage proposals in the hope of repeating the kind of sexual gratification they were now experiencing; hope and promise reigned supreme.In the second half it soon became apparant that the pills had suddenly taken effect as Wales started to play like a pack of prissy prima donnas who had lost their mojo in some particularly unmemorable back alley grope. The All Blacks on the other hand had obviously partaken of Ambrosia and Nectar; they swatted the Welsh with the imperiosuness of the gods.And so it remains. Fifty three years without a win against the All Blacks.Wales and New Zealand are famous for at least two things - rugby and lamb. However it appears that one of us is the lamb whilst the other farms it.

It is the eve of Wales versus New Zealand once again. I've seen a few of these in my time including the game at the National Stadium where Andy Haden threw himself out of the lineout in a desperate attempt to be awarded a penalty. Against all the odds he wasn't sent off but was awarded said penalty which was kicked to beat Wales in the last micro seconds of the game. I was not a happy chappie that day.Saturday 22 of November sees another attempt by the Welsh to break a ghastly run of defeats that stretches back to 1953. It's drop your clocks and grab your socks time once again as Wales field a weakened side.One day someone is going to remind the WRU that the All Blacks are not the Hendrewen Dog Catchers or The Abertridwr Salmon Tin Dribblers Fifteen; they should be taken seriously.

And so it came to pass that Wales did take to the rugby field once again. The foe was Canada. The location Cardiff. The game was crap.In what is becoming the regretable trait of losing to South Africa, New Zealand and Australia in the space of one month , the Canadians usually offer up the kind of resistance that convinces your average Taff that we are in fact world beaters.So confident were Wales of a runaway victory that they played the kind of rugby usually displayed by a pub fifteen after consuming a barrel of Strongbow with Woods' 100 chasers.Altruism flowed with such vigour that one suspected the Catholic Church had sent Papal envoys out to scout for future saints and the Welsh team all fancied their chances of joining the elect.Canada fielded a relatively young and untested side that presented The Grand Slam winners with far too many simple problems that could not be solved; one could sense the All Blacks picking their teeth with newly sharpened knives just waiting for the next course of slaughtered lamb.Ah well! Wales won the game but impressed nobody - least of all coach Warren Gatland who was last seen heading for the exit with his arse on fire loading his trusty revolver as he went.

The Boks sprung onto the Millennium Stadium turf with grace and agility. Somewhere between this entrance and no side some Svengali in the crowd convinced them that they were in fact hippopotami on a mission to move around like the Grand Hotel in the 1923 Tokyo earthquake. Fluidity evaporated faster than molasses in the Arctic. They were in luck however as the Welsh side suddenly took an interest in Tai Chi and the kind of altruism not seen since Christ took on the sins of man. The inescapable truth of it all was that the Boks were bad but Wales were worse. Wales have now been beaten 4 times in one year by the same side. Sad sad days indeed!In New York mixing it of another sort took place in Madison Square Gardens. Joe Calzaghe and Ray Jones Jnr stood close enough to each other to dispute whose air was being stolen from who. In a brutal and uncompromising encounter Calzaghe took an unhealthy interest in the stitch design of the canvass he stood upon. So impressed was Joe that he had to pass on it's intricacies to Jones in the form a signed pattern just below the latter's left eye. Jones, it is now understood, has employed a seamstress to ensure the design remains forever on his boat race. After 12 rounds Calzaghe retained his title and remains unbeaten after 46 fights.

The Boer has descended upon Taffland once again. Kairdiff council has banned undue merriment lest it upset The Dutch Reform Church and only lager will be sold.Wales have managed the not inconsiderable feat of losing to South Africa three times in the space of a single year. Optimism abounds however as a largely untested and unfit Welsh side take on the World Champions once again. Is this some kind of joke?

Ysgon Dafydd. That Barack Obama's a boy and a half inee. Who would a thought it? Y Ty gwyn? I eard ee spent a shed full a spondoolas gettin there but he's kokum allright. Next thing eel be tryin to get on the Con club committee. I don't think he's a paid up member there mind you.There an Will Obama who used to work over with Dai the coffin. Down Lady Windsor it was. Course he was known as Will Embalmer then. Nice fellah. His mother had a red 'andled saucepan. Father wore a mac in the rain. Know him? Yes mun! His uncle ad a picture of Lloyd George in the passage. Politics runs in the family.

McCaine Has Had His Chips. Pollock To Follow.

Remember rememberThe 5th of NovemberGunpowder treason and plotI see no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.It's that time of the year again when millions of pounds of fireworks go up in smoke. Guy Fawkes night usually goes off with a bang. So much so that no one can now let air bombs off after 10 30 at night. Cwmparc is renkowned for harbouring a few bone heads who think it's the height of good taste to explode about a hundred air bombs at midnight for thirty minutes. Ican hardly wait for the fun to start.