In the days before central heating every house in the Rhondda utilised coal on open fires. The result of this heating method led to vast quantities of ash residue. This was deposited in metal bins and placed on the roadside of the valley streets in order to be collected by men employed by the local council for that purpose. These employees were called dustmen or ashmen and like all men who find themselves performing a job generally avoided by the majority of the population they developed a particular camaraderie. Crucial to this camaraderie was a tendency to develop a black but good natured humour.The crew who worked each tender comprised six men - each with their own distinct personalities. During the summer of 1982 I worked with one crew when I did some temporary summer work and I remember them well. The driver was Tom Mathias. He was a quiet man abstemious in his ways who absolutely refused to swear under any circumstances. He also had an all weather hatred of religion, the Tory party and alcohol. His best friend was Emrys Davies. This came as a surprise to everyone as Emrys had a tendency to swear at every opportunity often inserting swear words in between swear words to get greater effect. He was also a life long member of the Labour party but had a grasp of politics that bordered on the remedial. He was also passionate about cricket.Other members of the crew included Billy Thomas and Rex Jones. Thomas entire life outside of work revolved around the local Conservative club. He was known as Apple and he wasnt in the least bit political or a conservative but he had a deep love of rough cider - the cheapest and worst of which was to be found in the club of his choice. Then there was Rex Jones whose nickname was The King. Rex was a divorced man who could start a fight at a hundred yards because he had no social skills whatsoever and absolutely no sense of danger.The remaining two of the crew were James Pumford Lloyd known as The Lord because he had a demeanour coupled with a well groomed moustache that would have singled him out as a member of the aristocracy had it not been for his council overalls. Finally there was Gordon Collier. Collier was a trade unionist first and last and a man of immense self importance and a master of the obvious who felt the need to educate the great unwashed at every opportunity. He would often sidle up to someone and say, in tones that indicated that he was passing on vital life changing information, that its always best to wear a coat in the rain lest one gets wet.Each day these men would start work at seven AM sharp. Their working routes were far and wide taking in hills and bends, dips and stretches and the occasional tump. Climbing into the cab with them one could sense an air of familiarity. There in the corner was Billy Thomas with breath like petrol fumes complaining about his ex wife. Gordon Collier had lit his first pipe of the day and was quietly contemplating the finer points of the TUC annual report. Emrys was listening intently to Billy Thomas interjecting from time to time with several choice expletives that placed the ex Mrs Thomas squarely in the camp of Lucrezia Borgia. Pumford was busily rolling up a fag and Mathias had pulled out a transistor radio tuned in to Radio 3 which was broadcasting Mozarts Don Giovanni. It was surreal.As I appeared at the cab door Rex Jones said Look out boys. The hired help has arrived. Hes come to teach the old dogs new tricks. Gordon looked up. He told me in the most profound manner to take no notice of the banter as it was well known that the king was suffering from a hernia brought on by attempting to lift too many ball droppers. Ball droppers? I enquired. Thats right said Rex. Ball droppers is ash bins that appens when someone leaves the lid off and it rains. The bastards are heavy enough to lift when dry - let alone when wet. Its like liftin 15 stones of concrete. Dont try it or youll be walking on your balls. This was the start of a memorable three months.Looking back it seems that not a day passed without some incident or other that raised a smile. I remember the day we picked up a foxs tail and a large bed warmer. These things are innocuous enough in themselves but when utilised by the crew it resulted in Gordon Collier being taken to hospital for suspected concussion. You see, Gordon had a tendency to walk about in deep thought; he would thrust his hands into his pockets drop his head and cogitate. On this particular day Billy Thomas had decided to play a prank. He had wrapped a piece of wire around the end of the foxs tail and made a tight hook at the other end of the wire. This he delicately attached to the back of Gordons overall trousers as he was walking about contemplating God knows what. The rest of the crew were now presented with the sight of Gordon sucking on his pipe, his flat cap tilted forward walking around with a foxs tail majestically wagging in the breeze. Billy, now determined to capitalise on the obvious mirth he had given us, picked up the bed warmer and started to walk behind Gordon fanning the thing up and down as if to bang him on the head. This was exactly what he did when Gordon stopped unexpectedly. He was knocked senseless and taken to hospital tail intact.If it wasnt for the fact that Gordon was out cold and couldnt be revived we could have laughed until we keeled over. He did revive however and was uncordial to all talk of bed warmers thereafter.On another occasion we were in the throes of being thoroughly pissed off in a week of drizzle and had no time for the niceties of thought. Anything in our path short of babies were thrown into the back of the lorry. Somewhere near Volunteer Street in Pentre we picked up chunks of metal that simply stood in our way. I mean how were we to know that it was an engine ready to be put back into a car? A similar fate went for a suitcase full of clothes placed on a doorstep waiting for a taxi driver. Howard Pipe the foreman in Ystrad Yard was distracted beyond all understanding whilst Bacon Nuts McNullty his boss was considering murder. It all blew over however because of some obscure bye-law that allowed for the cleansing of detritus of and off streets in the opinion of the collector.The most incredible incident took place however, when a local hard case by the name of Dai Thump took it upon himself to throw Emrys in the back of the ash cart. Thumps missus was a well known finger pointer who enjoyed nothing more than proving her husbands love by watching his reaction to spurious tales of other mens affections. On this particular day, Emrys was the object of her ire. Emrys was lifted into the air and thrown into a place that had very large mechanical teeth that would have chewed him to pieces if it hadnt been for the quick eye of Jim Pumford Lloyd. Lloyd stopped the chewer by swiftly throwing the manual overdrive at the back of the lorry. It was then that Tom Mathias revealed a talent for boxing that no one had suspected. Tom calmly stepped down from the cab, removed his glasses and placed them in his top pocket. He then delivered a swift array of punches that left Dai Thump in no doubt that he had overstepped the mark.After three months of these adventures I was relocated to the local cemetery where a whole new series of strange behaviour was observed. I was to be a grass cutter in attendance to eight or more grave diggers. If I thought that disposing of human rubbish was an eye opener the best was yet to come.