A BARREL OF FUNAlan Fry, Clarence Williams and Herbie Lewis were cider drinkers of staggering proportions. All three were retired miners who had shifted more coal than they ever wished to recall. Their local watering hole was The Working mens Club Treorchy - commonly called The Beach. The reason for its name is lost in the mists of time but rumour had it that because it was located near a river it was possible to smell the sea.Rough cider was their apple of choice; ten pints a day were no object to them. After their daily sessions they would return to their homes, serene and contented knowing that on the morrow there would be no need to worry about cave - ins, overseers or quotas.All was well with this situation until the steward of The Beach was accidentally delivered of a barrel of Red Storm cider. This stuff was known to make meek men start wars and women weep. The problem was that no one would knowingly drink it because of its strength. The steward, being a man not given to lose a chance of profit, decided that the best course of action would be to introduce the two ciders to each other. And so it was that the two gut rots were put together in a barrel and mixed and stirred to form as fiendish a brew as had ever been concocted.Alan, Clarence and Herbie arrived bright and early that Sunday. The opening hours were from noon to 2pm so consumption would proceed at around five pints an hour. After the second pint they started to giggle. After four pints the thought of leaping over furniture seemed to be a reasonable proposition. After six pints they were staring into space and toyed with the idea of fighting everyone in the club. By eight pints they were nineteen years old again and knew they were the epitome of every womans desires.Now as fate would have it another one of the club regulars called Bob Eynon was a part time hypnotist and fully paid up member of the irresponsible party. He decided that in the interest of public safety he would hypnotise our now hopelessly deluded sumpers into believing that they were in fact sober. Unfortunately the effect of the cider meant that the mellifluous words that shot out of Eynons neck were misinterpreted. Alan, Clarence and Herbie took on three personas that left an indelible impression on everyone present. Fry straddled a chair and started to gallop turning occasionally to shoot the imaginary Indians who were chasing him. Williams burst into song using a language that involved a lot of high clicks and yodelling and Herbie kept saying over and over that the birds were twerping in the trees far too loudly for his liking. This continued for some twenty minutes until Mrs Daphne Jones - widow and willing- was driven to the point of hysteria and emptied an ice bucket over Williams head. The effect was electric. Williams went down on one knee and declared undying love -this came as a shock to everyone as he was a long distance bachelor, Alan Fry collapsed exhausted after he reached Fort Dobbs and Herbie stood still for a long time until Eynon cajoled him back to reality.The following day all three turned up at the club as usual and couldnt understand why everyone was looking at them in a strange way. Mrs Daphne Jones would shortly become Mrs Daphne Williams, the Steward never said a word about the cider mix for twenty years and Bob Eynon was banned from the club sine die. Happy days.