I Left My Bus Fare at the Pub, and......
Humor
In 1990, fed up with and suffering from Thatcher's Britain, I decided to return to university in order to verify that there was indeed some vestige of humanity and alternative thought left in the world. It was a tremendous and unexpected time of revisited youth where I was looked upon by some women with great affection and by some boys with an all weather hatred;I was thirty one and they were 18.During this period my closest friend was one Simon Wales. Wales was an easy going quiet fellow with a liking for women, films, booze and Regal King Size. He was a local chap from Treorchy and had married his long time girlfriend. If he had one flaw it was that he had married his long time girlfriend. Their marriage was fraught with difficulty and ended in divorce.While I was at Swansea University the rumblings of discontent were rife in his marriage and he would often visit me to get away from the grief he was experiencing at home. He told me that his wife had started searching his pockets when he got home in order to find condoms or some such in order to accuse him of infidelity - knowing full well that he wouldn't do any such thing . His health was suffering and he was always pulling a handkerchief out of some pocket or another of his Wrangler denim jacket in order to blow his nose.Now! As fate would have it I had moved into a house with six other students during the second year of my course. Two of them were in the throes of student lurve and had broken up in acrimonious circumstances. The male in the partnership had been ejected from the premises and was sorely repentant for being silly and acting like a complete arse. He was trying everything to get back into the folds - if you get my meaning.Well anyway! On one weekend I invited Wales over and we all ( the house residents ) went out on the razzle. During the night out, unbeknown-st to me, Wales and said ejected male met and got into a conversation. They'd met before on one of Wales' previous visits.As we were well in wine no one could remember or cared to recall who had spoken to whom that night and so we did what most people do and returned home to crash until the cold light of day.In the house we all went into the lounge and Wales was one of the first to pass out in a chair. Sitting there looking at the poor bastard and then looking at the ejected males girlfriend I had a brainstorm. I asked her if she had a pair of panties she could do without so that I could put it in one of his pockets so that his wife could find it. This I thought would give his missus something to think about. She agreed and gave me a pair which I neatly tucked into one of Wales' jacket pockets. We all passed out at some point and didn't wake until about mid afternoon the following day.When Wales had eaten and came around he said that he was going back to Treorchy and was going to give ejected male a lift to there so that ejected male could catch a train to his home in Cardiff. So we said our good byes with very little recollection of the previous night's frivolities.A couple of days later a letter arrived from Simon which went something like. ' I gave Lee a lift back to Treorchy and we went for a pint in the Cardiff Arms before he caught the train home. I felt the need to blow my nose and so reached into my top pocket to get a handkerchief out. When I did, Lee went nine shades of white, pointed and said "Those are Sarah's knickers".You can imagine the rest.
