It would seem that the hole wasnt a great idea. The dog fell in it and tracked mud through the house. Still, the look on husbands face will make up for having to hoover for the umpteenth time today, wont it?
Youre the best he said as he came through the door You didnt have to hire someone to dig the hole, I was going to do it as a surprise for your birthday! Youve always wanted a pond.
I havent. I have never wanted a pond. Ever. We have three cats and a white dog that falls in holes.Its not practical.
And whos Gary Mole? The service was amazing, he even sent me a letter to tell me that the work was going ahead.
Its at times like these I wonder is it really worth it? I feel like nothing I do is having an effect. Im no closer to breaking him now than I was 3 years ago, yet somehow, hes about 16.4 miles nearer to breaking to me. CrapWife is growing disheartened. And Husbands a knob.
Somewhere during the course of this process weve turned into Wiley Coyote and Road-Runner. Im only ever one cheerful text message away from blowing myself up with some Acme dynamite or launching myself off a cliff.
Great. I say. I found him in the yellow pages.
Well youve been saying that we dont have room for the fish tank- we can put them in the pond now. Itll be lovely. You ruined thesurprisethough.
I am wondering if the holes big enough to bury him in.
Husband shows me the stuff hes bought for my birthday present The filtration system looks expensive, pond liners arent cheap and there are enough plants and gravel chippings to colonise the (super) moon.
Not only have I once again failed in breaking him, Ive probably done myself out of the handbag I actually wanted.
Husband took a half day from work to go and buy this stuff. Hes been out there for hours and has created a sickeningly attractive water feature. The fish wont be in there for another few weeks he tells me, the pond has to mature first. Hes really excited. Hes worked so hard.
You eyes look red, you need to take your contacts out for a while and give them a rest, youve got that meeting first thing and you look like a junkie- got to bed, Ive got a few bits to finish up here, I wont be long
Poor husband has terrible mole-like eye sight and I worry about his eyes. He usually sleeps in his contact lenses and on the rare occasions he takes them out, I have to help him in the morning as he cant see to switch the kettle on, let alone get himself dressed. This is why hiding his contact lenses may have been a tad cruel.
It is for this reason that he probably wont notice that Ive shortened the arms and legs on his suit by an inch. I figure if I also set his alarm for thirty minutes later than usual, hell probably not notice the Gay Porn magazines in his briefcase either.
In a rare attack of conscience, I decide to leave his emergency glasses available. I cant remember where Ive put them though, and I probably wont remember until about 3 minutes before hes leaving the house. I've painted the frames of his emergency glasses with opaque pink nail-varnish- to show my gratitude for all his hard work. As a final thank you (and acting on the innovative suggestion of one of the Crap Wife facebook followers) I draw large cocks on all the bank notes in his wallet. Oh to be a fly on the wall at tomorrow's breakfast meeting.
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Ceri! You're evil! I like it!
LOL....keep making him suffer ( and making us laugh )...have you ever thought of laxatives?