A Sunday morning in bed is a beautiful thing. Its on Sunday mornings that Im most grateful that we went down the three cats, 1 dog and an indiscriminate amount as fish route as opposed to the lets have a baby one. For now anyway. This means that I have no stress on a Sunday, and am able to enjoy my day without distraction and be free from responsibility. Usually, anyway. This Sunday Im tamping, because of the mole.
I expected husband to be furious, instead, he was amused. 
That moles getting shoddy, werent even proper mole hills he commented over breakfast.
I feigned disinterest and went in the bath.
We spent the rest of the day with my Grandparents. We went to a car-boot sale, had lunch and walked by the sea. Refreshed and calmed by the salty air I was a perfect Wife throughout; attentive, caring and affectionate.
In the evening, we talked, looked at old photos and shared a bottle of wine. We went to upstairs happy, and for once, I didnt subject Husband to a gruelling ritual of embarrassment in exchange for access to the bed. He kissed me good-bye this morning and told me that he loves me.
Monday 21th March, 2011
Dear Mr ######,
First let me introduce myself, I am a local mole, whos been providing subterranean ventilation for lawns in the area for a number of years. I pride myself on my work, and have been instrumental in such local projects as Grass Verge by Canal and Green number 1 at South West Wales Garden Bowls Emproium. I am proud of my work, have a strong family history in the field and have a proven record with my clients.
That is why this letter is so difficult for me to write.
Lately, I have been overloaded with contracts and as such have become shoddy with my work. Where I used to dig complex tunnels and truly ventilate gardens, the recession has meant downsizing my workforce, and I resorted to fraudulent mole hills to meet demands.
Im ashamed of my behaviour and am contacting my clients in the hope that they will understand that I was driven to this by the pressures associated with a wife and 38 children under the age of one.
In an effort to make amends and re-establish myself as the diligent lawn ventilation specialist you've come to respect, I have taken the liberty of digging a large hole in the centre of your lawn. I hope this goes some way towards rekindling the professional relationship I jeopardised.
Yours Sincerely,
Gary.
Ive sent this letter via courier to Husbands place of work. He should receive it within the hour. I'm not digging the hole myself, I have paid a Handy Man to do it, I'm going to paint my nails.
Ha ha ha- thank you! I'm still livid, I'm writing up the next one as we speak, and you wouldn't believe what he's done. I'm starting to worry I'll never break him
You just cant get the staff these days