A bright sign with bold red letters said: On The Lash. It looked as good a bar as any to be my first. I walked into On The Lash and ordered a pint of beer from a very plain looking bartender.

“What kind?”

“Any kind.”

I sat down on a wooden chair with my pint placed on a wooden table and took my first drink. It tasted bitter and a bit more honestly it tasted like shit but I had no choice. It was my understanding that this drink was a painkiller.

The bar was empty save for me and the lone bartender and looking around the place increased my unbearable loneliness. I drank my pint and upon finishing it walked over to the bar to order another.

The door burst open and a rugged looking man walked in. He wore a massive black coat, thick blue jeans and heavy black boots. Dark black hair touched the top of his eyelashes and his dark blue eyes were focused on the bartender as he moved toward him. He scared me a bit and my instincts told me to leave the bar.

“The usual.” He said and after noticing me added, “And the same for my friend here.”

“Oh Mr. you really don’t have to-”

“You’re codding.” He said. “Who doesn’t want a free drink.”

“I don’t really drink.”

He stared into my eyes for a good three seconds as the bartender poured our drinks.

“I’ll teach you then, you’re in the best place to learn. It’s as easy as getting the first few down, then the next few begin taking care of themselves and before you know it...You’ll see.”

“Here you go Evan.” The bartender said.

My new friend Evan placed his money on the bar and grabbed two of the four drinks leading me to the same table I’d had my first drink at. I grabbed the other two and followed him. He picked up one glass full of a dark lager and said, “Cheers.” Then he drank the whole thing in five seconds. He looked at me with a knowledgeable stare and said, “Your turn mate.”

Not sure of what else I could do and not wanting to offend Evan I picked up the dark lager and drank it in twenty seconds while spilling quite a bit on my shirt and finishing with a cough and a burp.

A deep booming laugh came out of Evan's belly and he patted me on the shoulder. “There you go son. Just wait til you try the other drink. I didn’t catch your name by the way.”

“Shane.” I said.

“Shane… A good strong Irish name, no doubt named after someone in your family, right?”

“Yes sir, my father.”

“How’s he doing?” Evan asked while taking a big sip of his other drink which was clear and water-like.

“He died, I came here after the funeral.”

“Well that explains the suit and tie, so your father died and you decided to get locked?”

“No sir, I’ve never drank before in my life actually, my father was the last family member I had, he was a big fan of the drink and I’ve got no one left and I didn’t know where else to go or what else to do.” I said.

“There’s nothing wrong with that. we’ve all felt that way at one time or another, now you’re here and you’ve got me, how are you doing?” Evan asked.

“I’m still… It doesn’t feel real.”

“Aye, I know the feeling, I’ve lost many loved ones in my life, I’m sixty-two years old mind you.”

“You don’t look a day over forty.”

Evan laughed. “Let me tell you a story, but first try that gin there, It’s a concoction of my own creation, half gin and half tonic water, It’ll cheer you up yet, but be careful it’s strong.”

I looked down at the third drink of my life. I took a small sip and began a violent fit of coughing.

Evan laughed and said, “Okay now while I tell my tale I need you to take little sips mate.”

“Yes sir.”

“It was over twenty years ago, I’m a sailor and a fisherman by trade. It was a beautiful day for a boat ride. My father was staying with me for he’s from Dublin. At dawn I was  shaken violently awake by my drunk father. We had drank late into the night and I couldn’t have slept more than three hours. I passed out, I don’t know or remember if my father had ever gone to sleep or if he’d stayed up drinking until dawn, probably the later…”

I took another drink and coughed.

“He yelled at me saying, ‘I was just outside having a smoke and watching the sunrise above the ocean I decided it was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. The water is the calmest it’s ever been. Get out of bed you lazy muppet and let’s go for a ride.’ I argued with him but ended up giving in and walking down to the docks with him and a couple bottles of whiskey. We climbed into my favorite boat and set sails…”

I took another drink and let out a small cough.

“Good on you, drinkings getting easier innit?”

“Yeah it is. What happened next?”

“Right. We drank, smoked and fished for hours. If you continue to drink you’ll learn sometimes it slows down time and sometimes when everything is simple and enjoyable and there’s nowhere on earth you’d rather be time passes so fast there’s no telling where it went. This was one of those times. Several hours later the sun began to set and we were God knows how far out at sea so I turned the boat around and headed back…”

I took another drink and somehow didn’t cough at all.

Evan took an enormous drink and drained his cup. “Bartender!” He said and out of thin air the bartender appeared next to Evan with two more cups this time both crystal clear. Evan took a cup and poured some into mine topping off my glass.

“Cheers, what happened next?”

“Yes, We were on the boat heading back. Chasing sunset as we called it. It became dark and a terrible storm came out of nowhere. To this day I’ve never seen anything like it. How it went from the most beautiful peaceful morning I’ve ever seen to a storm from hell. Anyway, The storm stopped us. Turned the ship around. I could no longer head back toward shore and shortly after that I lost the direction of the shore with the terrible rain, wind and waves. I wouldn’t have been able to steer us home even if I knew the way. For a brief moment I panicked…”

“So what did you do?”

“What do you think? We drank. I vaguely remember being so completely fuckin’ rubbered we no longer noticed the rain. We no longer noticed the wind or the waves that damn near pulled us into the ocean. So my father decided to fish. We smiled and laughed as he shouted he was going to catch the biggest fish. And he did. He struggled with the fish for an hour at least. My father was a big strong man. In boots he was seven feet tall and well over a hundred kilos. I didn’t think any fish would have been a match for him but the few times I saw that fish pop out of the water I couldn’t believe how massive the thing was-”

We both took a drink.

“My father would take a few good steps back and then he’d be pulled forward a good step or two. This went on and on as the storm raged. From time to time he picked up a bottle of whiskey and took a big drink with the fishing pole in one hand and the bottle of whiskey in the other. At these moments the fish would often drag him two or three steps forward. After what seemed like hours what had to have been an act of God occurred. My father took one hand off the pole and picked up the bottle of whiskey. He turned back to me and shouted over the storm, ‘I’ll catch this one and you won’t have to fish for a year!’” Evan paused and took a drink.

For the first time since I’d met him Evan’s eyes looked a bit sad. Just a bit cold and dead. The life and fire I was beginning both to get used to and admire wasn’t there.

“What happened next?”

He set down his third empty glass.

“I’ll never forget. He had this giant smile on his face. Now my father was my best friend. But he wasn’t a very happy man. He was always drinking and rarely smiling. But this moment was so special to him somehow.” Evan laughed. “He took a drink and the fish pulled him forward and at the exact same moment we hit a giant wave. My father flew through the air and landed in the ocean. I went to the edge of the boat and tried to grab his hand. He screamed and shouted as the boat took me further and further away from him. I tried to turn it around but in the storm it was no use. After the storm cleared I tried searching for him. I spent the next three weeks at sea and I could never find him. Sometimes during the night I wake up from the same nightmare of my father in the ocean screaming. I’ve tried to make sense of it what kind of evil God would do this to me… I’ve spent years… Anyway the point is. There is no point to any of it. Don’t drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of your father’s death. It will kill you or worse drive you completely mad. The best thing you can do is drink, spend time with people and live your life.” Evan took a big drink of gin with water.

“That was quite a story.”

I heard noises behind me and turned around. Several people were in the bar now. They were smiling, laughing, drinking and talking. I looked back at Evan and he looked like his regular self again.

“Cheers Shane, looks like people are coming in now.”

“Yeah, maybe I better get going.”

“Nonsense mate, stay and have another drink or at least finish that one you’ve got there.”

I didn’t want to be rude so I drank the rest of my gin water. Evan told me a few more stories about being on the ocean, fishing and drinking. Finally I took the last sip of gin and by this point I felt completely different. I no longer felt the loneliness and sorrow that had been present since my father’s death a few days ago.

The door to the bar burst open and an important looking man approached the bar. He had curly red hair, green eyes and was dressed in a black suit with black pants not too different from my own.

“Drinks for everyone!” The new man said. Everyone in the bar cheered. The new man looked over at Evan and I and smiled. He grabbed his drinks and walked over to us.

“Evan you son of a bitch.”

Evan stood up and returned the death stare saying, “Patrick you muppet, you must be two sheets to the wind if you want to fight me!”

They stared at each other for a good moment and then embraced in a hug and then sat down.

“Shane my boy this is my good old friend Patrick. I’ve known him for about forty years now isn’t that right?”

“Damn times gone by that fast has it?” Patrick said.

“Yes, once upon a time I mentored young Patrick here much like I’ve done for you tonight Shane.”

“What do you mean exactly you mentored him?” I asked.

“I mean I taught him to drink!” Evan said.

“I’ll drink to that!” Patrick said raising his glass of a shiny bright green liquid.

“Tell Shane what you’re drinking there.” Evan said.

“This here is absynthe. It’ll get you right rubbered faster than just about anything on earth.” Patrick took a big drink. “Here have a sip son.”

He held out the drink and I looked into an ethereal sea of bright green. It smelled something magical. I took a reasonable sized drink and coughed for a good minute. Evan and Patrick just sat there laughing.

“Go easy on him Patrick he just had his first ever drink today.” Evan said.

“He’s a little old for that, I was half his age, How old are you Shane?” Patrick said.

“I’m twenty.”

“Well good on you for taking up drinking, better now than never.” Patrick said.

“Parick I’ve been telling Shane stories all night. I think it’s time for you to tell us one of yours. You’ve been gone for a while surely you have a new story.”

“I sure do. About a month ago it was a beautiful night in Dublin. I was out hopping around several different bars as you know I like to do. Then I met this beautiful bi-”

“No Patrick! Not another fuckin’ story about you shagging a bird!”

“I’d like to hear it.” I said.

Patrick laughed and said, “Thank you Shane and I promise this story is different Evan. You’ve never heard something like this before.”

“Okay fine continue.” Evan said.

“Thanks mate.” Patrick said, he took a big drink of absinthe and continued, “She was about forty years old but so beautiful. She had long straight blonde hair that fell halfway down her back. She had the most mesmerizing blue eyes that looked deep into your soul. I’m fifty-three but I knew I’d be kicking myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t take a chance. So I took another drink and approached her. We got to talking and I was surprised, almost scared, at how natural and easy our conversation went. Her name was Sally McCarthy. I bought her a couple drinks and we talked for hours until the pub closed and we went back to my place.”

“Sounds familiar enough.” Evan said.

“Then what happened?” I asked.

“Well we did you know what and she spent the night. Then I passed out and the next morning she was gone. That night I went back to the same pub looking for her for I knew she was something special. I must have went to every pub in Dublin over the next few weeks searching for her and she was nowhere to be found. I gave up and came back to this shitty town and here I am drinking with you two.”

“What’s the end of the story? That’s nothing special.” Evan said.

“Well Go easy on me mate, I found the girl today.” Patrick said.

“Where was she?”

“She’s right over there.” Patrick said pointing across the bar at an old woman with dirty blonde hair, eyes so dark blue they were practically black, a little fat, and her face was completely wrinkled to the point she looked about eighty years old. She was smoking a cigarette and talking to a female friend who was super pretty and about thirty years old.

Evan and I looked at each other in disbelief.

“That’s what getting drunk can do to you.” Patrick said.

Evan and I stared at him for a moment and then Patrick burst out laughing. Laughter seemed to come from within his soul. It reminded me of my father’s laugh when he was drunk.

“You bastard!” Evan said. “You made that shit up!”

Patrick continued to laugh then he took another drink of absinthe finishing his first glass and moving onto his second.

“After I finish this glass let’s go out on the boat, what do you say Evan?”

“Sure we’ll do that.” Evan said. “Come and join us Shane.”

“Sure why not.” I said not wanting to be alone.

We finished our drinks while Patrick and Evan talked and we headed out of the bar. Standing up I was overwhelmed with a pleasant feeling of not being able to balance. I followed Evan who walked in front of Patrick and I so he didn’t notice the old wrinkled blonde look at Patrick, give him a smile and a wink. I looked at Patrick who put his finger to his lips.

We walked down the stone steps to the boat yard. I hadn’t been here in a couple years since my father’s health had begun to decline. I was hit with a few memories of fishing and sailing with him.

“You been sailing before son?”

“Yeah with my father, I remember when I was young I wanted to be a pirate.” I said.

Evan laughed. “Didn’t we all, I never got into that game but I have met a few of those guys in pubs.”

“You’ve met pirates!” I said.

“Aye, They’re fucked up. All they do is drink, steal and kill. They’re feared, hated and respected.” Evan said.

“And don’t forget fuck.” Patrick said and laughed. “I got into a barfight with a pirate once. He damn near killed me. My mind hasn’t been right since.”

“You’re mind’s never been right since I met you Trick. All you think about is drinking and birds.” Evan said.

“You know me so well.”

“How do pirates just walk into pubs and drink if people know them and hate them?” I asked.

“They’re feared, and usually armed in some manner.” Evan said.

“And don’t forget they spend half their money at the bar. The bartender won’t kick them out after that.”

“There’s mine!” Evan said and pointed with pride.

In the middle of several boats was the largest boat I’ve ever seen. It had three sails and a large cabin. We climbed aboard and Evan informed us that he lived in the cabin.

“You’re one crazy bloke.” Patrick said.

“I like it here, the sea is my home. I’ve upgraded, this is a new ship not the same one I lost my father on.” Evan said to me.

“Your father was a good man. I remember many a night drinking with you and him.” Patrick said.

Evan walked into the cabin and came out with a bottle of whiskey. “Cheers mates,” He said taking a big drink then handing the bottle to Patrick who took a drink and handed it off to me. I took a big drink and everything went black.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was in bed in a cabin and through an open window I could smell the ocean. I climbed out of bed and opened a door walking onto Evan’s ship. He was standing looking over the side with a fishing pole.

“Good morning.” He said.

“Morning, what happened last night?” I said.

“You passed out. Fell down right here on the ship so Patrick and I carried you into my extra bed in there. Then Patrick and I drank for a while and had a great time. I’ll tell you what. We’re gonna be at On The Lash sometime tonight. Why don’t you stop by.” Evan said.

“Sure.”

“Alright see you later mate.” Evan said returning his eyes to his fishing pole and the sea.

I was halfway home when I noticed a girl with long straight black hair and a beautiful body walking on the other side of the street. She turned to me and smiled. I recognized her as the friend of the old wrinkly blonde in the bar yesterday. She waved and continued walking wherever she was headed. For a moment I considered chasing after her but decided against it and walked home. At home I made myself some food and ate alone. It suddenly hit me. My father was dead.

I grabbed my father’s old pack of smokes and matches and stormed out of the house with a strange feeling I might never go back.

It was two or three past noon and I noticed several people walking around the town. I stood outside and lit one of my father’s cigarettes. After a few violent coughs I decided smoking wasn’t for me so I threw the pack of smokes and matches in a trash bucket.

“Hey what do you think you’re doing mate!”

I turned around to see a young man I’d never seen before. He had curly brown hair, brown eyes and big ears giving him a mouse like appearance.

He dug the smokes and matches out of the trash and lit one blowing smoke around him while staring at me. “You don’t throw these away mate their valuable to people like me but it’s your loss.”

“Sorry I don’t smoke they were my father’s.” I said.

“You stealing from your father?” He asked.

“No, he just died.” I said.

“Sorry mate, here take one of these.” He gave me a smoke and lit it for me. “Just take very small puffs okay, my name’s Matty.”

“I’m Shane.”

“What are your plans?”

“Right now or in life?”

Matty laughed and said, “Why not both?”

“I guess I don’t have any of either.”

“I’m heading to a bar why don’t you tag along. I’ll buy your first round to pay you back for the smokes.” Matty said.

I wasn’t sure what to do.

“Come on mate. You said yourself you’ve got nothing else to do.”

“Alright let’s go.”

“Follow me.”

We walked for a minute and Matty asked, “How many birds have you shagged?”

“Um.” I said.

“I’ve shagged over fifty. The ones who know me run away when I walk into a pub.” He said proudly puffing out his chest and smoking.

I didn’t like Matty much.

“Here it is mate. The best bar in town.” Matty said. It was On The Lash. We walked inside and I noticed the same plain bartender and a couple dozen people. Several birds looked up at Matty and two of them gave him dirty looks while one smiled. The smiling girl was the one with long black hair I’d seen in the street earlier. She was sitting with Patrick’s drunken wrinkly blonde.

“See that one over there.” Matty said. “I’ll get her yet you’ll see mate. Two beers bruv.” He said to the bartender.

The bartender filled two glasses and set them on the wooden table shooting Matty a subtle look of disdain which Matty didn’t seem to notice. Matty paid for them and said, “Cheers mate.” He drained his beer and ordered another. While I sipped at mine with the familiar bitter taste of my first drink yesterday.                   “Watch this.” Matty said to me. He walked over to the dark haired girl with a smile. They talked for a couple minutes then he walked back over to me.

“She’s right fucked man, fuck her bruv.” He said.

“What did she say?” I asked.

“She said she doesn’t like British pricks like me.” Matty said.

I suppressed a laugh.

“Anyway she’s nothing special, I’ll go talk to that one.” Matty said and walked off in another direction.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the dark haired girl she had the prettiest face I’d ever seen. She looked up at me and smiled. I returned the smile for a moment and then she turned toward her old friend and began talking. Matty talked to another girl and got shot down. He tried another and returned to me at the bar.

“What’s the story?” I asked.

“They’re all fucked tonight.” He said. “I’m gonna take off bruv, I’ll see you around.” Matty said, he finished his drink, placed it on the bar and left.

I ordered another pint and sat on my barstool. A few minutes later I felt a hand on my shoulder I turned around to see Evan and Patrick.

“Looking good mate.” Evan said. “I’m glad to see you back here and you’ve got a few drinks in you, good on you.”

“Good to see you, how’s it going Patrick?” I said.

“It’ll be a lot better after I get a drink in me.” He said placing money on the bar and getting a pint of absinthe. After taking a drink he took off to talk to someone.

“Where’s he gone?” I asked.

“To talk to a bird no doubt.” Evan said ordering a gin and water with a gesture of his hand. “How many birds have you been with?”

“Zero.”

“Why don’t you go talk to a bird?”

“Fear.”

“What if you knew for a fact she liked you then would you talk to her?”

“Sure, But how am I ever going to know that?”

“That one over there likes you.” Evan said, gesturing with his head toward the dark haired girl.

I laughed. “She’s the best looking girl I’ve seen in my life there’s no way she likes me.”

“I promise you she does. She’s looked over at you and smiled twice since I’ve been here.” Evan said.

“Yeah so what?” I asked.

“When a bird does that it means she likes you and wants you to go over and talk to her.” Evan said.

“Right.” I said.

“It does I promise you. I’m sixty-two years old, you don’t think I’ve learned a thing or two in my life.” Evan said.

“I suppose but I’d be too scared.” I said.

“Bartender give me another drink.” Evan said.

The bartender filled a pint with half water and half gin.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you talked to her?”.

“I’d rather die, I’m too scared.”

“Alright I’ll drop it. Here drink this.”

I started on the gin and water. Evan and I talked for a half hour as I finished the drink. I began feeling better and better and soon I was feeling as if anything was possible.

Evan smiled at me.

“What?” I asked and then laughed. Out of the corner of my eye the dark haired girl smiled at me again and Evan noticed.

“That’s it. Follow me mate.”

He walked around the bar and I followed him. He approached the girl and her older friend and asked, “Do you mind if my friend and I join you?”

“Sure, What’re your names?” The older woman asked.

“I’m Evan and this is Shane.”

“I’m Sally and this is Adriana.”

“Sally, why does that sound familiar…?” Evan asked.

I forced back a smirk.

“Maybe you’ve met a Sally in another life.”

“That may very well be true but I doubt she was as beautiful as you.” Evan said with a secret wink at me.

While Evan and Sally talked Adriana looked at me and said, “You’re a quiet one aren’t you.”

“I guess.”

“What’s wrong then? Go on tell me.”

“My father died four days ago.”

“I’m sorry, you must feel pretty terrible.” Adriana said.

“Yeah he was the last of my family. Now it’s just me.”

Adriana looked at me and nodded. “I kind of know how you feel. I don’t have any family. I was raised by Sally here.” She gestured at the old blonde. “We live in Dublin and we’re here visiting some of Sally’s old friends. Where are you from?”

“I’ve lived here my whole life but I went to school in Dublin.”

“You look familiar. Maybe I’ve seen you there.”

“Maybe, I don’t know, I don’t recognize you.”

“I swear I’ve seen you before.”

I couldn’t help but be drawn into her eyes.

Evan and Sally stood up and walked over to the bar to talk and order more drinks.

“What do you do for a job?”

“I helped my father with his store my entire life. I don’t know what I’m going to do now.”

“I know what you can do.”

“What?”

“Well for the past year I’ve been traveling around Ireland going to different bars and meeting all kinds of interesting people. Having amazing experiences and enjoying life. You could try something like that.”

“I don’t really drink. Actually yesterday was the first time I’d ever drank.”

“How do you like it?”

“It’s different.”

“Yeah, I love it as do so many of us Irish folk.”

“My father drank a lot. I think that’s why I wasn’t into it. It seemed to destroy his body over the years, it made him crazy sometimes, sometimes it made him really happy and other times really sad.”

“It will do that, it’s one hell of a way to live.”

“I don’t understand why anyone would want to feel so sad like that.”

“But you can understand why someone would want to feel so happy like that right?” She leaned closer to me.

“I suppose so.”

“I think that kind of sadness comes from loneliness. Never drink alone and spend as little time alone as possible.”

Adriana leaned in closer to me, which made me feel like my mind was going to explode.

“Kiss me.”

I kissed her.

“I like you Shane. You’re not like other guys.” She said.

Adriana smiled and before she could speak Sally came over and said, “I’m going to my friends house. Are you coming Adriana?”

“Yes Sally.” Adriana stood up. “I’d love to see you again Evan.”

Before I could take in what was happening she was gone. That unbearable loneliness started to creep back upward, my father dead, the most beautiful girl in the world kissed me then disappears.

I looked down into my ale and smelled bitter wheat and trying to distract myself from the sinking in my stomach I drained the glass and burped. The past two days and nights had been a blur of drinking, friendship, stories and memories. They hit me hard. All at once.

On the lash.