I lived amongst a tumultuous storm
Its winds, my boundaries,
Emotions clipped and haggard.
Dark fell upon me like sky, like air,
Shelter, a distant memory.
Everywhere I turned the shadows mocked,
Skeletal digits stroking, calling,
In their screeching melody.
Fury became my shield,
Rage my sword, borne of desperation,
Forged in my own mind’s fire.
And I would lash out, blind
Until the walls which had been my fortress
Crumbled around me.
At first, I reached into the dark,
My hand swatted like a fly every time.
If ever clasped,
It was dropped again, too heavy a burden.
No one could see past my siege defences,
The façade of confidence,
I believed that the only power the world had,
Over any soul
Was to hurt.
You were the one who showed me it could heal.
What did you see in me, the lonely person,
Who could not cry?
My eyes were dry even as behind them,
A fraught voice did wail.
How did you hear it,
When even I had learned to tune it out?
How did you know I was falling, drowning,
When I saw only strength in myself?
Before I met you I wondered
What this image called a ‘smile’ was.
Some kind of mask, another lie.
Where could I obtain one,
To placate those searching eyes?
I wondered if happiness,
known only in distant recollections,
Was another myth I had made,
To ward away the dark.
So convinced was I that I was the last survivor,
When all else had succumbed to shadowy temptations.
The ‘people’ on the edges of my vision,
with their masks,
I believed were minions.
And you, I thought you were as well.
Except your mask seemed too real.
I saw you as a threat.
I was a caged tiger,
Cornered in unknown territory.
I know you’ve received the same a thousand times,
But I am truly sorry.
It seems you knew that too,
before I did.
You came from bright meadows,
Through a veil to a foreign world.
I may not have known why,
But I am grateful, all the same.
At first, I thought you would hurt me,
I shoved you away, with your foul,
A different language,
One I’d only ever heard,
I’m starting to learn it now,
It’s a long journey.
But you know what I mean to say,
Before it even leaves my mouth.
How easily you read me,
Even though my past would make a novel,
You have never asked.
But I have told.
It is the only way to pay off my debt,
Though I can’t begin to imagine,
How such simple things satisfy you.
You may be a light, shining onto me,
But a shadow still lives behind me,
Whispering, hissing and twisting.
I fear it,
More than the outside,
Or the dark,
I fear myself.
How can you feel so safe around me?
After I have done so much damage to my own form,
How can you relax right next to me?
You are unfathomable.
You have never left me, though I have asked,
For your own sake.
You deserve better, so much better.
But I see now that is not what you want.
I shall give you all I have,
You have earned as much,
I am on a long adventure now,
My travelling companion,
To find a heart,
I never knew I had.
Do not leave me,
For without my compass,
I shall never find it.
With you beside me I am strong,
Under no illusions now.
My tempered sword is at your service.
And once we have found my heart,
I shall carry you.
For you are an angel.
And I shall take you in my arms,
With my demon wings,
And bear you up to Heaven.
updated by @americymru: 01/23/19 02:07:34AM