Oh, I wish I didn’t have that one last drink
It didn’t seem I was that drunk, I just didn’t think
I ignored all the advice, and the warnings
“You’ll be bad in the morning”

Beer, vodka, wine and whiskey
It was going down like if was free
It was turning into a heavy session
Drinking like it was going out of fashion

Some drink to drown their sorrows
While others drink, as if there’s no tomorrow
Some say they only drink to be social
But most people don’t need an excuse, to go down to their local

When I woke up, my mouth was like a dustbin lid
And I couldn’t remember a thing that I did
The sheets on my bed, they were soaking wet
I must have had the alcohol sweats

My wife though, she didn’t agree
I can’t possibly repeat what she said to me
The sheets are now in the washing machine
I said, “never again”, you might know what I mean!

I tried to blame the taxi, for being late
But I was still in the pub, in a drunken state
Had to face the music this morning
I’m in a world of trouble, I’m on my final warning

The smell of stale beer, it makes me want to heave
Why did I get in such a state, it’s hard to believe
Go to the bathroom to wash, and clean my teeth
When this taste in my mouth goes, I might get some relief

A greasy fry up might help, bacon, egg, sausage and fried bread
A cup of strong black coffee, and two Aspirins, for my aching head
Beans or orange juice go through me like a speeding train
I‘ll end up sitting on the toilet repeating “never again”

A little man is banging in my head
I wish I could go back to bed
But my wife is there, with a face like thunder
“That will teach you for being greedy” I feel too bad to answer

Started to have flashbacks, about the walk home
Had to relieve myself in the bus stop, was I alone?
Tried to think, was I with my mates
I must have been in a sorry state?

Then a horrible thought, came into my mind
My underpants, I must find
I remember running up the street
Undoing my belt, clenching my cheeks

Getting to the door, my trousers down by my knees
Gritting my teeth, struggling to find my key
As with double vision, the door lock I sought
But as I opened the door, too late, I was caught short

The rest of the day, I felt like a wet rag
Told my wife I felt “ok”, just so she wouldn’t nag
The Aspirin were starting to work
Still felt ill, but my head didn’t hurt

All day my wife has been asking “what’s that smell”
I’m too hungover to notice, I don’t feel very well
But I had to admit, there was a funny aroma
Then I remembered, I hid my underpants under the sofa

My wife went up to have a bath
It’s not funny, but I had to laugh
I retrieved the underpants, I won’t wear them again
I threw them in the bin, and blamed the smell on the drains

As the day goes on, start to liven up
That greasy fry up must have soaked the beer up
My head has stopped banging, I don’t feel sick
That greasy fry up, has done the trick

I think I’ll find out if the boys are about
Then I’ll make an excuse to go out
These hangovers, are not as bad as people think
So, I think I’ll go out, and have one more drink

updated by @ralph-jones: 09/06/18 03:51:10AM