a. PW OY CKC The final sound is made by doing a somersault in the back of the throat. b. POOH HICK Imagine an enormous hiccup, which starts with pooh bear. c. PWEE EEEL Well if your voice is English and you’ve never heard a Welsh person speak, you’re forgiven.
2. How many branches are in the Mabinogi?
a. Actually there are about 12 stories in the Branches if you bother to count so 12. b. Four because I’ve heard of the Four Branches. Weird trees they have in Wales. c. Eleven. Or twelve if you include Taliesin.
3. What is odd about Rhiannon’s way of riding a horse?
a. She sits sideways as if on an armchair, ladylike style but at risk of falling off. That’s why the horse doesn’t move. b. She gets lost an awful lot which is why Pwyll has to keep sending guys after her to find her. c. She gets stuck in a timewarp so she doesn’t move hardly at all but you can’t catch her even at warp speed 9.
4. What is the name of Rhiannon’s son?
a. Pryderi. Rhiannon was in a flap when he came back to her and told him off for causing her grief. b. Gwri Goldenhair – not many people know this. But he got a lot of flak at school for it, so his mum home educated. c. Mabon. All the other names are just frontnames for the deep magic name as a god.
5. Where did Bran normally sleep at night?
a. He slept with his seven giant Maine Coon cats and believe me there wasn’t a lot of room for a wife! b. He slept in an enormous hammock up on the roof which took his virgin footholder all day to patch up because he kept putting his toenails through it. c. He was too big and smelly to be allowed in the house so he had to sleep out in the woods. But he liked it as his beloved ravens could find him more easily.
6. Was Efnisien a bad man?
a. OK he cut lumps of horses with no anaesthetic. He wrecked peace agreements twice, and chucked his toddler nephew in the fire. No, not a bad man, but not quite nice somehow. b. He was a nasty little scrote who caused the wipeout of a nation and broke his sister’s heart. Cauldron? well yeah, he did do the brave thing but come on, too little too late. c. Of course not. He just had a difficult childhood poor sweet. His brother Bran was always stupid but big and strong and his family admired him all the time. Case closed.
7. Why did Pryderi give the rule of Dyfed to Manawyddan?
a, They’d become best mates through being stuck in the timewarp after the war with five other blokes who were usually dead drunk and snoring. Pryderi was also a peacenik. b. They were gay of course. I mean marrying his mum was a good smokescreen. c. Pryderi was a young hippie who didn’t want to do the job. He just wanted to get stoned and go hunting.
8. Why did Manawyddan take the royal Dyfed family to England?
a. Dyfed had gone downhill a lot and there were no more good parties so time to move on. b. Unemployment in Wales has always been high and shoemakers were making good dosh in Gloucester. c. They got bored and lonely with no other humans around. Of course going to the English meant pretty poor conversation but better than nothing.
9. Why did Arianrhod reject her son?
a. This was way before the invention of the birth pill and ‘unmarried mother’ was a dodgy lifestyle. b. She’d never wanted kids and Gwydion was bisexual and motherly. c. It’s about initiation and matrilineality and how women come from Venus, men from Mars.
10. What did Blodeuedd wear for her wedding to Lleu Llaw Gyffes?
a. Nothing at all because the wedding was held in a nudist commune in California. b. Black. Simple gothic black. Leather. With a Harley to go away on. c. A tiny mini dress made of flowers, a wreath of daisies in her hair, bare feet with lots of tattoos.