Lwc dda Scarlets ... ond dwi'n credu.

• Firstly, finely slice the contents of a tin of corned beef (Fray Bentos if available).  Leave on the window sill for 10 minutes to breathe the incomparable Steel Works air.

• Do the same with a tin of spam. (Don't worry if you have the lager/cider shakes and you drop it on the floor ... it'll taste the same and no-bugger saw 'ew anyroad).

• Go to Tesco's and buy a pound of black pudding. (Try and get the  seriously marbled variety). Drizzle with Dandelion and Burdock fortified pop. Keep in a dry place away from family pets.

• While at Tesco's ask Dai the butcher for some fresh lard, and while 'ewarthere, get 'im to throw in a pound of tripe. Don't forget to tell 'im ew dont want to see any fur on any of his meat,  not like last week. (Jest jokin!)

• Put everything in the blender and don't forget to hold the top on  ... this mixture is bloody dynamite! Adding a pint of pre-made, store-bought Bloody Mary cocktail (or  Popov - fortified  chicken stock),  forget the stick of celery, add any demonic curry sauce left in the fridge, or in the living room last night, (inspect for family pet paw marks),  then  puree until mottled pink or the blender starts smoking.

• Pick out unwanted gristle, add a sprig of nettles and taste.

• Decide you're not at all hungry,  throw everything in the bin, (including the blender), put on your coat - because it is probably raining - and go back to the scene of last night's crime and drink your hangover into submission.  Bon Appetite!