The weakest link short story

Philip evans
03/24/14 09:02:18PM
31 posts
Queen of Mean So on which caravan site in Wales do you come from? asked Anne Robinson to the contestant before her on the BBC Weakest Link television show. Nice one...its the former Iron & Steel Capital of the Principality Anne....Merthyr Tydfil! said Tina Big Tits from Twyn. Ever been to Wales Anne....theyd worship you there... after all you are a red dragon- our National Symbol! replied the streetwise Tina. Put your board up and hide those silicon monstrosities will you! ordered Anne. Why did you vote off poor Herriott? He like you was a stuck up cow! said Tina But who was the REAL Weakest Link in that round....and why have spelt Herriott without the H ignoramus? asked the Scouser. Was it ME Anne? ..... or did your autocue tell you that too....besides I aint no African animal ....I have dilsexia...! said the slapper. Sorry Herriott, despite being intellectually more superior than that trollop ...its votes that are the Weakest Link goodbye! said the flame haired presenter. So now youve made it by default to the last four Tina what do you do in your backwater Town of Merthyr? asked Anne. Were Welsh Anne, Im a pub singer, we drink and play rugby all day! came the sarcastic reply. Tell me Anne when they Arlene Phillips you from this show what are you gonna do then get a proper job....instead of professional autocue reader?Has anyone ever told you that your look like Harry Potters grandmother in those glasses , with that wizened old scrag neck of yours wouldnt even get passed quality control on the Bernard Matthews Turkey Farms...what its like to be passed your sell by date? replied Tina fit as a butchers dog only less attractive from the neck up.With the camera crew sniggering around her Anne , quickly moved onto the next round.After another display of vacant blondism and not getting a question correct Anne was still stumped as to how Tina could make it into the final three. So did you have the audacity to vote Tarquin here with his yellow cravat off the little bimbette? And why have you spelt Tarquin....Tampon...? asked Anne Cos...hes a stuck up twat! came the uncompromising reply. How do you do it? asked Anne. Easy ....said the tart pushing up her cleavage to the man is gonnavote me Pams off.... just Watch-Dog! said Tina.Google- eyed contestant Maximillan stood opposite her couldnt raise his eyes up to the cameras to object...nodding his head and retaining eye contact with the nipple line to whole time..... They may be full of fat and silicon but men love em! she announced to theflat- chested former consumer programme presenter slowly turning green with envy. Even Chinese Dominic here has been checking them out with his sly sideways glances! declared Tina shuffling her rack. What do you look like in the Mirror in the Morning? asked Orphan Annie. I dont buy that paper as the journalists even back in the 1860s made up the news themselves....isnt that right Anne....didnt you tap peoples telegrams too back when you were young? said Tina returning a backhand quicker than Steffi Graf.The quiz continued with the last person to be made to do the Walk of Shame to be determined from the three remaining contestants- Tina, Dominic and Maximillan.The round jingle went again, after another 2 minutes of intense quizzing- or in the case of Tina looking pretty for the camera. To take you into the Final Round....has Tina milked it for too long?... Has the Bell tolled for the Duller Lama ? ....Or has Max finally reached his zenith? Asked Anne grimacing a smile in doing so pulling up her socks by moving the muscles on her tight botox face.Tina lifted her board.... with the words Papa Dom thereon.Tibetist Monk Dominic put up his board with the words Maximammory printed in perfect English.Maximillian put up his and Dominic was history. Tina....why did you vote off know he wasnt the weakest link in that round? asked the presenter skin stuck up in a permanent smile under the hot lights like an extra from the Sci-Fi Movie V I couldnt vote for meeself could I...she said buffing her perfectly manicured Beauty Box Nails. Besides, he believes in reincarnation so hell get another chance on this show ...wont he? replied Tina. Max.....why have you kept Tina on the game when she hasnt got one single question right throughout the show? said Anne full of malice. you realise you just libelled me and Max by telling 10 Million BBC viewers that I am still on the game and Max here is my Pimp! said Tina. If you ever say that again....Ill kill you....and remember I am from Merthyr! warned Tina.Flustered and turning beetroot red like an Avenue De Clichy Traffic Light Anne announced to Dominic that it was time to disappear. You are the Weakest Chink ...goodbye! she declared. You racist bitch ! said Max joining in on the Queen of Mean. Can we edit that out? asked Anne gingerly, as her laughter lines disappeared quicker than you could say Anne Robinson..As they raced onto the final round it was amazingly 5-5 all as Tina seemed to be inspired to answer correctly all questions fired at her, as did Max trying not to look at his adversary as Tina spun her headlamps in a mesmerising manner. The questions are tied at 5 all which is amazing as that tart had the IQ of a BBC cameraman earlier ......she has played the game well....lets go to Sudden Death ! said Anne I warned you .....said Tina picking up a Shaolin numchuck left behind by the Monk- as it flew across the studio it struck the aged presenter in the plastic forehead wedging itself in the unmoving mass of pink fabric.Ever the professional, Anne continued to read the final deciding questions out.Max got his wrong.Tina asked Anne to repeat the question as Anne due to the head injury had reverted to her native Liverpudlian and could for some strange reason smell strawberry ice cream. Which 1960s pop band sang. Teach your Children and featured in the Soundtrack for the motorcycle road movie Easy Rider? asked the presenter sounding more like Jim Royal with every new word. Try saying it by keeping your false teeth from moving this time you old Scouse cow., about Crosby, Stills and Gnash! roared Tina. Call yourself the Queen of Mean....laughed Tina.....move over Granny theres a new Royal in Town!
updated by @philip-evans: 07/07/17 04:57:35AM