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Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 27, 2012 at 1:16am

The Doctor asked Ianto If he led an active life.

Ianto told him about his day:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of the Taff; barely escaped from a wild bull in thick undergrowth; climbed along a treacherous track up and down mynydd Islwyn with false crests; stood in a patch of prickly gorse;

crawled out of a pit of quicksand; and then barely escaped jumping away from an aggressive black adder snake.”

Inspired by his story, the Doctor said: "Ianto, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!”

"No," he replied: "I'm just a shit golfer."

Comment by Ian Price on March 26, 2012 at 4:28pm

Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.  She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.



So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.'
The woman did as she was told.
'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room..'
Again the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.'
So she did.
Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary diease.
Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.'
Worried the woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr.Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease ?'
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your arse.' 
 

Comment by mona everett on March 18, 2012 at 9:45am

The Welsh Saw Mill....

Dai and Morys are two Welshhmen working at the local sawmill.

One day, Morys slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw.

Dai quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Morys to the local hospital.

Next day, Dai goes to the hospital and asks after Morys.

The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Dai couldn't believe it, but there's Morys out back exercising his now re-attached arm.
The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.

A couple of days go by, and then Morys slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.

So Dai puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Morys off to Hospital.

Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how Morys is. The nurse replies, "He' s out in the Rehab again exercising".

And sure enough, there's Morys out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Morys comes back to work.

But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.

Wearily, Dai puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Morys to hospital.

Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Morys is.
The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."

Dai is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some dopey idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated”.

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 5, 2012 at 1:44am

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.

'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'


An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can

remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me

the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'
The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 5, 2012 at 1:44am

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Comment by Ceri Shaw on March 3, 2012 at 2:32am

hahahaha...gave me a good chuckle at bedtime....diolch for posting Dilwyn

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 3, 2012 at 1:57am

The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees and she explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest.

Little Tommy at the back of the class put his hand up and asks the teacher, are you sure about the stork miss? I think you're getting your birds mixed up 'cos my big sister just got a little baby and she said it was from a shag in the woods..!!! 

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 3, 2012 at 1:54am

Two good ol' boys outside a Llanbrynmair pub were sitting around

talking one afternoon over a cold beer after getting off of work at the local wool factory.

After a while Ianto says to the Dai, "If'n I was to sneak over to your place Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off fishin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

Dai crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin Ianto, but it would make us even!" 

Comment by Dilwyn Jeffreys Phillips on March 3, 2012 at 1:49am

A man got on the bus in Swansea with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

Comment by Ceri Shaw on February 27, 2012 at 2:44pm

I'd have opted for Dolly

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